I am going to base this answer on the assumption that the "grail" that you hope to find is the answer to the question: What is the truth about the nature of reality and my personal existence within that reality.

It is apparent from your post, that you have done a great deal of research while exploring this question. I'm guessing that you probably have already stumbled across your sought after grail on numerous occasions. You simply did not recognize it. It happens to the best of us while attempting to answer this age old question. In conversations with others who have shared this dilemma (myself included), the general consensus is that we often have preconceived notions as to what we are going to find. The answer might be right in front of us but because of some belief we previously adopted we are unable to recognize it. It's right there but we think hmm, this can't possibly be the truth I seek; this is far to simple an explanation for my existence and the reality that I am experiencing! How can the nature of reality possibly be less complex than physics, biology, or cosmology. It is hard to accept that the truth of our existence can be explained in simple terms.

So, You might ask: How do I define truth? Accepting that my answer is a work in progress, I understand that "the truth" is an explanation for the nature of reality and our existence within that reality. IT IS WHAT IT IS regardless as to whether or not we "believe" it to be true. The paradox herein is that our personal perceptions of the reality we experience is based solely on our individual beliefs about that reality and yet the underlying laws that govern the nature of reality are not in any way dependent upon belief.

My purpose in responding to your post is not to tell you what to believe. It is not to offer a detailed explanation of reality or your existence. On this site alone, I am certain there quite a few members who are well familiar with the grail you seek. I am also confident that you will find what you are looking for. You are on a journey of "self" discovery where all paths lead to the same place.

What I can offer @Igot7 are a few pointers or possible shortcuts to get you to where you want to be. Whether or not you choose to accept them is entirely up to you. As I mentioned earlier, I am certain, that through all your research and explorations, you have come across your 'grail'. While doing your research you've probably noticed a lot of repetitive information from the various sources you have come across. Revisit the places you have been with the intent of finding a common theme. It will be more apparent in some places than others. The idea is to find the synchronicities in what you are reading or watching.

Avoid falling into a belief trap, where you feel the need to question the validity of everything, always asking yourself, should I believe this or should I believe that or telling yourself 'I just don't know what to believe". REMEMBER, the truth you are seeking is not subject to your belief or disbelief.

My personal search for what you like to call the "grail", began in New York City in the early 80's. Of course, at the time there was no internet with its massive information database where it is easy to overindulge oneself on the myriad metaphysical topics and sources available. I am certainly no stranger to this area of the web. I can suggest two of those channeled personalities that can provide you with a shortcut to your grail should you choose to focus your attention on what they have to offer. I understand that you may be familiar with both of these personalities to some degree. Either way, focus your study on what these two have to teach and eventually you will find yourself perched squarely atop the grail you seek!

The first, whom I discovered back in the 80's, is a self described "energy essence personality" who calls himself Seth. He was channeled through a medium by the name of Jane Roberts. Through her, he wrote a number of books primarily to explain the nature of reality as well as some insight into human history. Seth coined the Phrase "You create your own reality" and is well known and respected throughout the Metaphysical community. Both of his most widely read books, 'Seth Speaks' and 'The Nature of Personal Reality' and a number of others are available for purchase at Amazon or PDF versions can be downloaded for free online. Jane channeled Seth troughout the 70's. and died in 1984.

Coincidently it is around that same time that Daryl Anka began to channel Bashar, who is the second personality I would suggest you pay attention to. Whereas Seth was channeled through written works, Bashar is strictly video. If you have lots of income you can purchase full length DVDs covering over thirty years of Bashar channeling. If not, you can still find loads of Bashar vids on you tube.

the grail may be the real you,
the reason to be here now,
if seeking ceases
you will be here again