I was smacked in the face this evening by a quote that has poignantly placed a quasi-ultimatum at my feet.

While browsing the Inward Quest website, searching for new insights; I read a thread title "Can thinking of a request be inspired action". Now I knew the answer to this, I feel inexplicably wise with regard to the theory behind the law of attraction; it just seems to make sense to me in terms of quantum physics especially, this however does not void me of the need to practice the actual techniques. (There's a big jump between intellectually understanding how to play football and actually doing it.) The title caught my attention however and I proceeded to open up the thread. I recognised that Stingray, arguably the wisest and most revered member of the forum had posted and before I even managed to start reading the beautifully constructed post that he had written my eyes jumped to the final paragraph:

For that reason, I will often refuse to take any physical action whatsoever towards a subject I am interested in pursuing until I feel inspired to do so. And that attitude has served me consistently well over the years.

Source: Can thinking of a request be inspired action?

Now this was special for me. I have just started university, Astrophysics to be precise, but something seems to just not be right about it. I'm extremely interested in astrophysics and all surrounding subjects and I'm thoroughly enjoying the lectures. But, the actual studying aspect I'm finding a real problem with. I feel INCAPABLE of finding enough effort in me to get me through my tests/examinations. The quote made me realise that all I am currently experiencing is a lack of inspiration to pursue the subject and a degree right now. This is all very well for me to notice, however it unfortunately is not that simple...

What I am currently and frequently experiencing inspiration on is travelling. Now I know that sounds like a pretty bog standard thing for a 19 year old to be going through, a bit of wanderlust if you like. But no. I'd like to assure you as much as I can that this is legitimate passion and inspiration, especially when contrasted with everything else in my life that I have some interest for. Whenever I'm walking down the high street something that NEVER fails to catch my attention are currency conversion tables in the assorted bureau de change's one sees in the shops windows. I'm in an almost perpetual state of wanting to know what the rates are. Also travel agents in general, which there seems to be an unusually ample amount of in Canterbury where I've moved too for university. The flight prices captivate me even more than the currency rates, I'm almost browsing skyscanner on a daily basis for the latest prices on flights to any destination I happen to have in mind at the time. This all comes with a fairly extensive background knowledge of global geography that I've accidentally built up by vicariously travelling the world on Google Earth for a several years now. Money doesn't even interest me in itself right now; the only reason why I want it is to fund travelling endeavours.

That’s okay in itself, but furthermore I think that I'm so vibrationally aligned with the idea of travelling that I keep coming across vibrational matches that are helping me trust in the LOA. Looking back I must be doing well, I travelled abroad 3 times in this summer alone. And when I wasn't travelling abroad I would be, to a large extent, travelling around the country for whatever reason. I think I've inspired my father to travel more too; he's been going to the States every year as a bit of birthday treat to himself and its filling me with joy to see him for a change enjoying the money he works really hard to earn. The vibrational matches I speak of are often simple mentions of obscure cities in conversations. The girl I was sitting next to in maths today fairly out of the blue expressed interest in going to Argentina, I posted a status on Facebook a couple of days earlier regarding saving up to go to Buenos Aires and she doesn't even have me on Facebook. In fact now I remember that one of my house mate's friends who came over a couple of days ago had been on total wipeout which is a game show which takes place in Argentina, the idea seems to be floating about everywhere. I'm completely aware that that itself is by no means proof that I'm vibrationally aligned to what I claim to be, however that’s not what this is about... I am constantly experiencing little things like this. Little prompts etc, which are undoubtedly vibrational matches. (To clarify, not just to Argentina... but travelling as a whole, Argentina seems to be a temporary theme.)

Hopefully I've managed to show that my inspiration is sincere. That Stingray quote has made me feel as if I should be acting upon that and getting into the industry somehow, my knowledge and passion would surely be useful to a travel company? He’s the problem; I am at university right now as I’ve mentioned.

Yesterday, I started the ‘manifesting experiment one’ by which you put a request on paper and put it somewhere hidden and special and forget about it. Aside from the problems I’m personally having in forgetting about anything I’ve made the conscious effort to write a note about and put somewhere, (I’m cursed with a half decent memory.) I’m constantly worrying that I’m causing an obstacle to it manifesting but thinking about anything to do with it, it’s making my natural and intricate thought process a minefield to navigate. It’s a bit like loading the dishwasher and then checking how it’s doing every 30 seconds, it’s never going to happen if you keep checking! I don’t even know if I’m allowed to expect it to come! However this minor mental training issue is eclipsed by me worrying how I’m going to juggle my request with university. Long story short I requested a travel experience to a specific destination but what I’ve been desperately trying to ignore is not knowing how I would get time off university to actually go. I know the ‘how’ is the domain of the universe but as a scientific minded person it’s hard to reconcile the issue in my mind.

The solution seems obvious enough right? Quit university for now and come back when or if you ever feel inspired to do so. This leaves you fee to look for a job in the area you have a passion for and any travel requests I want to make with the universe will in my mind be more easily fulfilled because it fits in more with my job. And it sometimes seems as if I’m being pushed to do this by the universe; my student finance application is encountering numerous problems, from by a freak accident being sent far too late and then when that finally got looked that they claimed we requested the wrong year so I had to apply again from scratch. So I’m literally at university on borrowed time at the moment. Also, my writing ability has really improved over the last few months. I feel far more confident writing than I ever did which is strange because that was always an area I struggled with. I realise that my kind of dream job (assuming I had to have a job) is to be a travel writer, and this realisation coinciding with the unprecedented urge to write things down or present things prosaically is profound to me. While my mum is very much into the law of attraction, ascension and works with the spiritual realms and would support me every step of the way in this path, I fear my father would not. They divorced when I was young and hence live apart. My dad would not be open to this kind of thing, and in fact attracts lots of little negative things into his life via the proxy of his pessimism. He expects the very worst case scenario to happen at all times pretty much, and low and behold when I’m with him something a little bit like that happens. (Though I’m aware I could personally change this by guiding myself into a quantum version of my life where Dad undergoes a series of positive experiences that change the way he views the world [I think this is starting to happen with him travelling more etc] but that is incredibly difficult to sustain when you are pondering your own future so deeply and still falling down the metaphysical rabbit hole of attraction at the age of 19.) He’s completely unaware of attraction, and I darn’t say anything to him about it either because unfortunately he’ll probably think his son has gone mad and I’m not yet willing to risk alienating myself from him by doing so. Put it this way, I don’t feel inspired to discus LOA with him yet.

By the very same token this puts me between a rock and a hard place, me dropping university to pursue what I feel that I am inspired to do seriously risks me alienating myself from my dad. Not to mention the fact that if I ever felt like it was a mistake (I doubt it) and needed to come back to university I’d have to pay triple the fees to do it, and given that money is a major theme in my dad life this would intensify the anger and frustration I can imagine him feeling towards me, (especially funny because it’s my money in the long run anyway because i'm paying for it and it doesn’t bother me half as much as it does him). But, my dad aside for the moment, my problem doesn’t evaporate; the knowledge of my A level Maths and Physics courses is still fresh in my head and I’m placed in the best position currently in terms of that to be able to deal with the university course. I’m also enjoying the lifestyle to a certain extent and am making good new friends. I fear that when I am ready to return I will not be able to cope with how hard it is (especially with an aged mind.) My final concern is that leaving university to engage in a life of pursuing what I feel inspired to do also feels like a risk in that there is a chance that I never get the hang of manifesting specific things I need. I’m 99.999% sure the law of attraction exists and works, the left over merely comes from my scientifically minded need to be agnostic towards everything, but getting to grips with using it for unambiguous requests is proving to be a real challenge. Leaving university would eliminate some mental blocks I am having with manifesting, I wouldn’t have to worry about getting time off or waiting long periods of time for end of term for the next travel experience to come. In theory I could be going somewhere every weekend if I was a free agent!

This is the ultimatum like thing I was speaking about right at the start of this post; To carry on with university feeling uninspired and unable to achieve very much because of my lack of passion to study right now, or to leave university to pursue what I feel I am inspired to do but seriously risk alienating myself from my Dad and impairing my future chances to gain a degree in a subject I do have a genuine interest in.

I just don’t know, all I know is the universe is really beautiful and attraction is one of the most eloquent analogies and embodiments of something a lot of us have noticed about life many years before the that word meant anything to us in that context.

Thanks so much to anyone who's eyes reflect these words right now. Please help <3

Richard.