Welcome, "lurker" Swann! You have asked such a great question... I raised four children, and was a stay at home mom, and I stayed home because I wanted my children to have perhaps a unique experience as such. On our block, I was the only parent who was home; the exodus of cars in the morning was unreal. After the school bus dropped the kids off after school, they would walk down the block, and if I happened to be outside, weeding or just sitting on the stoop, I would inevitably end up with a cluster of kids, eager to chat with an adult who was interested in their day at school.

It is so easy to lead children- perhaps too easy, but to have a totally hands off approach isn't so good, either. Kids need to know that someone is interested in what they have to share, and they also need to know when they have crossed the line. It's not good for children to lack structure. Rules make kids feel safe! Those children gathered around me after school were hungry to know that they mattered, and that their experiences and ideas are appreciated at an adult level. I wouldn't call that conditioning. Universal approval feels to me like my father, buried behind his evening newspaper, saying,"Uh, huh," to me, even if I said the sky was orange and elephants were floating above his chair!

Toddlers are zesty with life, free and unbelievably loving, assuming their little lives haven't been ruptured by abuse or starvation and the like. But I wouldn't call saying "No!" when they want to open up the oven while it's on "conditioning". My children never wanted to go to bed- ever. So I prevented the battle of bedtime by routine. Bath, teeth brushing, followed by one (and only one!) storybook read to them...then we said goodnight, and I went out and that was it. If they played Jack in the box, and got up, they were brought back to bed. Some nights, it was ten times. This "boundary" and small others like it helped to create a safe reality for them, a framework within which they were entirely free to explore through play.

We set up the fence, but what they do inside our love is up to them. Our son, John, started drawing cars and rocketships at age two. Paper was expensive, so his Dad started bringing home some of the reams of computer paper set out at work for recycling. The back of the paper was clean and white, and John was free to do his drawing. He's quite an artist today, but mostly we just supplied the paper. He loved Legos; to this day, he invents the most amazing designs in Legos. In other words, we took the hints our kids gave us, but let them run with their joy.

In more esoteric matters, too, we just talked and talked. Star Trek reruns were a great source of conversation. So was Dr. Who, and later, Terry Pratchett, for that matter. We had a ton of books, especially reference books. Our National Geographic Atlas was practically in shreds by the time our kids left home. People think I am kidding when I tell them we came home from the library each week with forty books, but we did- ten per kid. Summer was more, partly because of boredom, partly because it was so wonderfully air conditioned!

If our children had leaned in other ways, I suppose we would have leaned, too. I raised four geeks, and our oldest granddaughter is following in the family geek-rich tradition. I guess, in the end, we must account for our genes.

I hope this helps!!

Lots of love,

Jaianniah♡