I've lurked here about 4 years, finally asking.
I've been n an abusive relationship for over 5 years now. I believe in LOA and that this situation I have created myself. I have tried to think myself out of this, keep trying to raise my level. I am just so confused right now. How much of this is me and how much if any lies with the attacker?
I hear things he says and they ring very true, like things out of my unconsciousness being brought to light. But is there more to this, how do I end it? Am I needing to hear this, am I preparing myself for something I need strength for? I'm all traveled up and confused on what to believe and I really need some direct opinions
PLEASE no sugarcoating. I am an adult, I really just want some clarity, as I cannot think clearly in this. It's too intense. I cannot raise my emotional level from the bottom lately. I want to clear this up however it needs to be. I can face my deepest fear and leave ( I will be hunted down and hurt- there is a history of this with him) or I can sort it out, we go our separate ways somehow. It is getting really really intense and I am always in fear. I want to resolve it properly, so that this doesn't happen again down the road.
Thanks, sorry so long.
asked 08 May '20, 20:01
sorry you had to go through all this but on the right side this person is helping you to get closer to who you are.
" How much of this is me and how much if any lies with the attacker?"
It is both of you. a cocreation. you attractd him into your life and he attracted you to his. BUT you are creating your reality. he (or she..i'm gonna use a he) can be compeletly different with others because others create diffrently than you (not necessarily better). so if YOU FEEL attacked by him - that is your creation and you invited that behavior into your life.
"am i needing to hear this?"
NO!but in a sense YES! you dont need to hear this or learn somthing new. obviously you know something is wrong. so...you know!
but yes! abraham hicks sais "it will get bigger and bigger and bigger". meaning..even though you know you still doing the same thing so it keeps going on and keeps bugging you.
"PLEASE no sugarcoating" - OK!
you are the real attacker. you attack yourself. you attack yourself by knowing what you dont want in your life and still allowing it to be in it. even if you are not with him anymore - your thoughts are filled with blame and judgment toward yourself. you need to protect your energy. 5 years are a long time so you need to be practice be more firm with your desicion making. empower yourself and believe that so that when you confront this person you will NOT feel attacked at all, because actually there isn't any attack. he is just projecting or being who he is - dosen't matter. the important thing is that you be you! but as long as you feel the attack - you are not in your power, you are not loving yourself enough, you are putting too much focus in him than in yourself, you care too much about his opinion. try to get to a place when only your opinion matter. where you love your self the most.
you know... i try to explane this but really...i can't. when you'll get there AND YOU WILL! you will know. just love your self, be your number 1.
answered 16 May '20, 02:24
You've been lurking around I.Q. for quite a while, I assume you already know a lot about the law of attraction so I'll just give guide lines on how to deal with the situation.
The key is in what Tony Robbins names The Triad :
Physiology, Focus, Language.
1° Physiology (what you do with your body)
Emotion is created by motion, whatever you're feeling right now is related to how you're using your body.
Stand up ... reach your arms up in a big swinging motion and breath in deeply - Smile - Walk on the spot.
After doing that you'll already by feeling a lot better. Energy in motion is e motion
Whatever you focus on you're going to believe...Focus equals reality to the you, even though it's not always reality to someone else. Change your focus this will prevent you thinking things like "I'm all traveled up and confused" Find reasons to be grateful "I'm healthy and attractive" Picture the life you wish as if it's happening now
Thinking is nothing more than mentally asking and answering a series of questions... it forms a pattern, an automated mecanism of thinking, so eliminate any habitual questions that don't serve you like "am I needing to hear this" "how do I end it"
Words and phrases; To change your life, pay attention to the words you repeat to yourself "abusive" "attacker"... words are emotionally charged they change the way you feel "I cannot think clearly in this" "it's too intense"
Incantations; when you repeat a phrase with enough emotional intensity, you start to believe it. Choose phrases that empower you most "I can do it"
Make all this a daily habit, condition yourself to experience the emotions you want
I totally agree with @myself on this. I think you currently have a high level of tolerating bullshit. The jurney is towards knowing yourself. This means discovering the amazing being you are, understading that you are not here by mistake. If you think about it, you probably don't remember asking for this life. When you woke up you were already in the game, you received it.
Somebody wanted you to be here.
It is the same for all of us, we all received the life so it's imposible that somebody has power over your life that you are not giving it yourself by not knowing that it's yours. Other people can only have power over you when you are unconscious of the true you and your value and your purpose.
Now think about a tree, it grows and may become a beautifull tree and all the information it needs is in the seed: what type of tree to be, what leafs to have, etc
I think you also have to pay attention to the gifts that you have, they were all in your seed.
Think about your life:
Where you had amazing results? in what domains?
When were you happy and why?
I think the people, the gifts... meant for you should have been consistently there but you didn't pay attention to them.
After you recognize your gifts and the people that are meant to be in your life, focus on them and remove your focus from the bad circumstances.
What you are is intended and perfect, you don't have to be something else. If you accept and love what you are (your kind), people can no longer manipulate you in feeling guilty and ashamed about what you are. It would be funny to see an oak tree that feels guilty or ashamed because it is an oak tree.
Discover your thougts that feel like freedom and clarity and call you to something that feels good. Those are from your inner being which calls you toward freedom, you may recognize them because you can say no, they are not imposing themselves.
This is a process, it will not happen over night.
After you know that you are amazing, valuable, loved and you have purpose, no one will be able to convince you that you are less than beautifull. They can only do it if you don't know your wordth. Meditation helps a lot to keep you on the right track during this process but you have to find the right meditation for you. I made it through this whole process, for me it was catholic prayer and meditation and I felt guided step by step.
Pay attention to the calling towards the unhealty bond you currently have, that's probably the most practiced now, so it's dominant. Don't accept that calling anymore. You want to make something better dominant for you.
Later edit: If this is intense it might be that you need help to sepparate physically first and then shift your life in a good direction. You also need to stay away from any psihological connection/or any request to fullfill his emotional needs (in case he is dependent on getting that from you)
I was listening to a video tonight and it reminded me of this.
You said you had been lurking around here for over four years without posting. I also remember what I was thinking and never said.
WHERE OH WHERE OH WHERE did you get the idea that anyone here thought or advised anyone to stay in an abusive relationship or that you could change anyone other than yourself?
A H says "what matters most is how you feel !!!" ... and that my dear Brook is the answer...
This answer is marked "community wiki".
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