First, is it not true that those who forget their history are doomed to repeat it? And as an example of why I do not believe 'forgetting' is a good idea. A short story about a day in high school. I was walking between classes, doing nothing abnormal, and a boy I did not know came running out of nowhere and punched me directly in the forehead. He happened to punch the hardest part of the skull, so I was completely unphased [and he was a very weak person to begin with] I grabbed him by his upper arms between his biceps and shoulders, lifted him off the ground, and 'threw' him into the nearby lockers while pinning him off the ground with my hands still holding him. I was mostly in shock, and kept asking him "Who he was" and "Why he did that". He struggled for a few seconds, first trying to hit me again, then simply trying to get his arms free, but he was completely unable to move. Nearby observers [including my friends] instructed me to harm him, using much more unfriendly language than that. I responded to them [while still holding the guy] that I didn't even know who he was. He said something stupid like "The principal is coming, we are gunna get in trouble, I'll meet you after school" or something like that. At the time I was still in shock that I had been hit at all, and simply said "Fine" and threw him to my side. He went running off around the corner, and I went on to my class. I didn't see the guy again until a chance meeting at a friend's house, as he was dating my friend's older sister. He claimed to not remember me, and I didn't bring up the event, but it was very clear that he knew who I was because of his reaction when he first saw me. I discovered later that he was paid to "beat me up" because I had gotten some kids thrown out of the lunch line for trying to cut in front of me and refusing to leave. Yea.. that was actually the whole reason. The kid who paid him even shoved me as he was told to leave the line by the yard duty [security], and ran away because she was yelling at him. This is what confuses me.. If I were to follow the suggestion that I should "forgive and forget" everything, even when the person doesn't apologize or seek redemption (he didn't), how exactly am I supposed to keep myself protected from people like that? What is to say he wouldn't come back next time with a weapon? Would it not be wise of me to mark his face, and be aware whenever in his presence that he is potentially a threat to me? And then, what about situations where a person simply takes advantage of the vulnerable or the meek? Such as friends who take advantage of my good will and desire to help. (This happens a lot more than I'd like to admit. I'm in fact moving away from my local area because I've come to realize that far too many people who I call friends only ever call me when they want computer help, or need something from me, or when I have money/booze for them to share off of.) Thanks for your time and consideration, I'm very interested in understanding this point of view from another perspective.
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Hi Snow. But, unfortunately, to comprehend the consequences of "not forgetting" you have to understand how YOU are the power that drives the engine of YOUR experience in this existence. Imagine if someone who writes scripts for Hollywood movies were given the task of writing a story based on your character. Let's say that this person was only given your name "Snow" and perhaps your gender, but nothing else to form the basis of your character. Now the script writer will have an entire universe of choices upon which your character can be created. You could be cast as a doctor, lawyer, a health worker, a private investigator, a gangster, a thief, a preacher......anything. Because your personality is unknown to the script writer, they can create an unlimited number of opportunities for your character to participate in. HOWEVER....... If instead, the script writer were to be given your question that you have asked here along with your story about your high school experience and the consequent feelings that you have associated with those experiences, now the script writer will create a much different character within the movie. Based of what you have mentioned, if a character to play "you" were to be created, that character would most likely encounter many situations where others are trying to hurt them physically, psychologically, and destroy their "good standing" reputation. In other words they will rely on you to play those situations because you are intimately familiar with what it is like to "live" in that situation and will be able to play that role with great authenticy. So the script writer can only go on the information that is made available to them to create your character within the movie. But this is not a movie, it is reality. And within this reality there is a script writer that is constantly creating the perfect script within which we get to play our roles. That script writer is what you refer to as God, the universe, all that is, Universal creative force...etc etc. Between this script writer and you there is a connection that is activated through a very specific "key" or connection that uniquely identifies YOU as the authenticated owner of that connection. It is this "Key" or connection that allows the script writer to continuously download and create a specific script of participation that is uniquely designed for you alone. This connection or "Key" is what you know as I AM. I'm sure you have vaguely heard of that term "I am that I am" This thing that you experience within your own consciousness as I AM is not just an identity. It is a point of reference of projection of creative potential. It is your version of your unlimited potential fine-tuned within a specific set of choices that you are choosing on a continuous basis like a river of energy flowing through you. Everything that you identify within this "I AM" perspective is a request for participation. Whatever you say about yourself or see happening to you is the set of choices within which more and more variations of the same experience are continuously attracted towards you. All the experiences that you hold on to as memories or potential events waiting to happen are constantly surfacing through your specific "I AM" perspective to physically materialize and interact with all the other "I AM" perspectives that are all around you (other people). If you have a strong belief that you must guard against others doing something to you because you have held on to such a memory from the past, and this is now part of your current "I AM" perspective, the universe will find a matching "I AM" perspective that satisfies the other half of that "expectation"; and eventually you will both cross each other's paths. So if part of your I AM expression is "I have to protect myself because people attack me without provocation", then the universe will find the other matching I AM expression of "I have to attack to protect myself otherwise I will become a victim" point of reference and there will be constant and coincidental crossing of each other's paths because you and the other person will constantly attract each other within the arena of participation and physical materialization. So to put it another way, your decision to NOT FORGET, and hold on to what was done to you IS THE EXACT REASON why the problem cannot and will not go away. Because what is in your consciousness NOW is not just memories and desires. It is much more than that. It is a constant point of ATTRACTION. All that is in your mind right now IS THE CHOICE from which your tomorrow is going to emerge. And since we continuously exist within NOW whatever you say or believe RIGHT NOW about yourself IS THE FOUNDATION of the rest of your life until you change or let go of what you EXPECT to happen to you. Nothing good will come out of holding on to memories that you DO NOT wish to experience physically again. CONSCIOUSNESS is a constant attractor. You can't avoid something by thinking about it. When you think about avoiding something you attract the physical experience of trying to avoid that something. If you get this you will get the whole attraction thing. If your consciousness is constantly dwelling on avoiding being physically hurt you will constantly attract the physical experience of avoiding being physically hurt. And as in the above example, you will constantly attract those who can hurt you so that you can constantly keep avoiding them. Strange as it may seem, you can attract the experience of avoiding something, or the "not having" of something, with the exact same intensity as your ability to attract the having of something. If it is an obsession in your consciousness it will become the foundation of your physical experience. So why forgive and forget? Because you don't want to experience it again and again. Great answer, Traveller...
(18 Jan '12, 02:50)
ele
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If your desire is to be blunt, then I encourage you to do so. I ask the question because I'm looking for answers, not because I'm looking for answers that I will like. Just because I don't enjoy a response doesn't mean I wont read it and attempt to learn from it. =) I don't explicitly "expect" anything when I ask a question, except for an answer that is as true to the person's actual feelings as they are capable of or willing to provide. [that sentence is messed up. too tired to fix it. ]
(18 Jan '12, 05:21)
Snow
Thank for for your answer, it genuinely does explain exactly what I was trying to understand. And just to clarify something if you're interested in knowing, I've actually never been in a physical fight that wasn't in a sparring ring or between friends with pads. People rarely attack me psychologically or verbally, generally because I'm a pretty nice guy when you get to know me. That, and I avoid giving people a reason to have a desire to. There were a few other points I was going to address, but I seem to have forgotten. =( Anyway, thank you again.
(18 Jan '12, 05:34)
Snow
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And more importantly than all of that: I do apologize that I seem to be pushing your buttons. I assure you it isn't intentional, and I don't ever want to invoke that kind of response in anyone. If you have any suggestions for how I can avoid in the future they would be very welcome. *Correction: I rarely want to invoke that kind of response, and this is not one of those times. I simply do not know another way I can phrase "I genuinely don't get the answers to that question, any help here?" Your answer and my and Ele's conversation have greatly helped to that end.
(18 Jan '12, 05:52)
Snow
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As I said before - Forgiveness means that you do not hold others responsible for your experiences. I can't dwell on negative events so I tend to forget rather quickly. So yes, it's best to forgive and forget so you don't attract the same situation again and again. When others say you should NOT forget - I take it to mean the lesson you learned and then you will never again, be a victim of those same past experiences 2
Hi ele I love your point "Forgiveness means that you do not hold others responsible for your experiences". For me that statement has a lot of depth. By taking responsibility for what happens to us, in a way we energetically place the power to do something about it within our control, whereas when we fault other's we are also energetically imprinting our own helplessness to change it with that memory, and this helplessness is forever part of that memory. (I Think). Thanks for sharing that perspective.
(18 Jan '12, 03:23)
The Traveller
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Indeed. That statement resonated in me as well. Some of the responses make me feel like this question was taken as an attack or to be passive aggressively insulting somebody, and it genuinely was not. Actually, the conversation you and I were having on my other question is strongly related to this question, which is why I asked it. As such many of the answers here have actually been very useful to me.
(18 Jan '12, 05:26)
Snow
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Obliviously this person is not important to you(your assailant) and you wish to move on in more than one way! True, but you're responding to a specific instance which was only meant to be used as a reference point to serve as an example to explain the IDEA of what I was talking about. Sure, your counter arguments to my personal story are relevant and good ones, but they definitely do not apply to other situations, such as family members who like to mooch, or friends who like to mooch, or 'enemies' who make a habit out of following you and trying to harm you. Do you see what I mean? Nevertheless, a good answer, and thanks for sharing. =)
(17 Jan '12, 09:22)
Snow
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Hey Snow, I was curious to read your question as I had the same problem for years! I will try to cut a long story short, a few years ago I left a mentally and physically abusive relationship because i simply could not take any more, I also became what you would call a substance abuser to cope with my life, it was commonplace with those people then. After i left my partner, they set up home with someone else and to cut it short, made my life an absolute misery for about three whole years afterwards, I was hassled by their new partner, his old friends, even his family. He was still following me down the road in his car trying to intimidate me 2 years later. Now- the reason I tell you this is because I spent years going over what I would do if he ran in to me now, so I became harder and harder, pushing good men away, planning every day around 'what I will do this time!' I noticed that every friend I made after this was similar to your situation, only contacting me when they need to get drunk, telling me to meet up with them but telling me not to dress up and to only wear casual clothes but when I arrived they would be dressed up etc. Now to some perspective! I have since found out my ex does this to all women, He is actually known as a bit of a joke but because he now deals substances no one will say it to his face, they just laugh behind his back, and as for the girl, she is also known as a bit of a joke. And as for the friends, apparently I am known for being quite attractive and this was their way of making me look less attractive. Also the 'friends'/family who mooch of you, look around, they are doing it to each other even tho you may not realise it. I can guarantee from experience you are just the unfortunate one who has picked up the fone, tomorrow it will be the other family member/friend. When you are finally on the outside of these situations/people you will not believe how different they will appear. I have also struggled over the past few years with the forget part. If I forgive and forget what is to stop it/him happening again? This person is known to hassle his victims/ladies every couple of years. The truth is you dont forget, but you DO learn to see it from another angle. They are simply looking to seek your attention, the weak feed of the strong simple as that. I was a seven and half stone wreck, yet my 'friends' felt they had to tell me not to dress up. These really are small bits of life which just happen to anyone, nothing more. And if your wondering how things have turned out, well they couldnt be better. I have a new set of friends, all of whom always are asking how I am, I no longer pay for all drinks, they are bought for me, or we all share, the family members are the same but I can now deal with them as I am stronger than them, and as for partners, I have plenty of decent ones around and one even said I was out of his league, he knew I would never take any crap and he was not sure if he could handle a girl like me, people dont know my past. I dont think you do forgive or forget but the way you handle it can alter dramatically. Still, forgiveness is your best bet, i'm 90% there and the closer I get, the lighter I feel. xxx I appreciate your sharing, and I think your story is very valuable. Everything you express is how I feel already, and that's exactly why I'm confused. I see a lot of answers from older members getting lots of upvotes that are saying you not only DO forgive AND forget, but you MUST or "else". I have a genuine interest in understanding different points of view, especially from sources I respect, and that is why I asked for clarification. It is a foreign way of thinking for me, and I'm trying to comprehend it, and I'm having trouble doing so.
(17 Jan '12, 23:02)
Snow
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@Snow - good question my friend :)