Hi Jaianniah. As you know I have contemplated and tried to commit suicide all the way through my childhood, teenage years, and into my early 20’s. When I realized that I couldn’t trust the help I received from calling the suicide hotline I was literally at the end of my rope. It was in this crisis that the “seth” material came into my life and changed everything.

These following four paragraphs are from the book “The nature of Personal Reality”, also a Seth book. It is almost identical to the original introduction I read from “Seth Speaks”. When I read it I realized that I still had hope to keep living. I decided then that I had to discover if these words are really true, and if they are true, I have absolutely no excuse for taking my own life.

I have presented these four paragraphs as they are without any changes.

Experience is the product of the mind, the spirit, conscious thoughts and feelings, and unconscious thoughts and feelings. These together form the reality that you know. You are hardly at the mercy of a reality, therefore, that exists apart from yourself, or is thrust upon you. You are so intimately connected with the physical events composing your life experience that often you cannot distinguish between the seemingly material occurrences and the thoughts, expectations and desires that gave them birth.

If there are strongly negative characteristics present in your most intimate thoughts, if these actually form bars between you and a more full life, still you often look through the bars, not seeing them. Until they are recognized they are impediments. Even obstacles have a reason for being. If they are your own, then it is up to you to recognize them and discover the circumstances behind their existence.

Your conscious thoughts can be great clues in uncovering such obstructions. You are not nearly as familiar with your own thoughts as you may imagine. They can escape from you like water through your fingers, carrying with them vital nutrients that spread across the landscape of your psyche – and all too often carrying sludge and mud that clog up the channels of experience and creativity.

An examination of your conscious thoughts will tell you much about the state of your inner mind, your intentions and expectations, and will often lead you to a direct confrontation with challenges and problems. Your thoughts, studied, will let you see where you are going. They point clearly to the nature of physical events. What exists physically exists first in thought and feeling. There is no other rule.

A bad "bottom" for me was many years ago. I don't know if I was depressed, but more like "hopeless". And I haven't felt that way too often, and this particular time I just didn't see a way out.

My "kids" had grown up and moved out, I had gotten a divorce, and moved out of the house which I had loved and we'd raised our family in. I was staying in a tiny apartment, having money troubles, working a lot of hours. Our oldest son was dying of ALS, and I'd lost a lot of people in my life who I had believed were friends, but who had abandoned me during the divorce. There were many, many voids in my life, too much change, and it seemed to me I would never feel good again. I felt a huge disconnect from anything good or joyful.

Meditation wasn't helping me; in fact, I would just end up crying and worrying, unable to calm my mind.

One night I began a letter. I suppose the letter was to God, although I didn't address it to anyone. I absolutely poured my heart out about everything, and explained my hopelessness and pain. This took many hours, and when I finally finished the birds were singing and the sun was rising. I had perhaps 25 pages and my hand was nearly numb. Yet I felt a huge release and from that night forward, things continued to get better and better.

Our son still died, but I handled it. A new job opportunity came up, and I made a lot of new friends through the job and began settling old debts and doing much better financially. I started dating and having fun again sometimes. I traveled a little. I put more effort into doing things with my "kids" and relating to them as the adults they now were. I got a dog---the first of several and began learning to train them. I joined a band! And all of that was just the beginning.

I think what happened was that I "bottomed out", and could only go up. The long dark night of expressing myself to God or the universe was cathartic and helped me make movements forward.

Recently I found the letter, and was astonished at all the many wonderful changes since I wrote it. I burned it along with a prayer of thanks.

I had a bit of a rough patch in my life a couple of years ago and that's what got me here in a long and winding road kinda way. What helps in the dips of life is that I change my focus to NOW because what is bringing me down is usually not in the present moment.
If it was something in the past that is causing regrets or angst then it's self-forgiveness.
I forgive myself ,I learn and I move on.
peace

Jai.. please also keep in mind that some depressions are the result of a chemical imbalance in the body - you must get this checked out if you have not done so already.

Is it too personal to ask if there was a negative and dominating person in your past that has since died? No answer required if you do not wish to.

Here is an interesting exercise for you to do which might help point out where maybe a problem or two started. Mentally take yourself up high above your body, see your self standing on a time line one side leading to the future and one to the past. Now mentally close your eyes and instruct yourself to zoom back to an event you need to recollect... then 'open your inner eyes' and see where you are... you might be surprised.

I dumped my ego. I let go of the past and future, and trying to control everything and everyone. I had to stop staying ahead of everything, fearing a surprise or crisis. Then, a funny thing happened. Things started aligning on their own and fell into place. I allowed my higher power to work for me, and my path has been much smoother.

well has a child i was not bothering anny one and i was observing people. and i was analysing them many of the other kid where like getting possese their ego where taking over and they where judging and hurting other kids out of jalousy. i have got stoned 2 time. with out anny provocation from me. i was looking for answer to solve this. and seing no way out i went in. and i said god what ever is your name if you exist tell me what is the perpace why am i here? i will sit here until i get answer. and i started to meditate. i meditated for 2 month and i saw him. not in this world but out of this world in the light after i add went out of my body in the golden light. but you know what is strange is that when i saw him i add no more conflict in me doing meditation i add solved all the matter of the soul( mind and heart) the veils of the soul. after reading meditation book and material now i can understand the concept like: witness meditation, one pointed mind ,awareness, concentration ,dhyana, samadhi, maha samadhi, etc. because i can relate to my experience. and i can tell you that we made the choice to came here and experience this world. and there is nothing to escape but your own choice. so experience and enjoy this life.

wow I can relate to all the posts here. Each time I've experienced bottoming out were at different stages of my life thus different methods of coming through it. As a teen I was so distraught about the world ...we were going to die from a nuclear bomb, too many people starving, what would happen if my mum died (she was healthy) on top of self image anxiety. Totally crazy - and yet after thinking about ending my life so I wouldn't have to think anymore, I went to a bridge to jump. I remember thinking this is the easy way so I could have peace ( I was deft in 'despair'). Then a question popped into my head 'would I always feel this way'. Then I realized it prob was not gonna be like this, just had to get over teen years haha.

I've had other experiences - I know I tend to get on the negative side without realizing it. So I've found learning about emotions has helped me. For instance - depressive death thoughts stems from being on automatic pilot due to not having a voice in a situation, due to pain / betrayal. So basically it all stemmed from being angry - if that makes sense.

Once I realize 'oh I'm actually angry' I'm able to do something productive.