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And care more about what we think about them? Don't we care what others think? Is that a being self-centered? |
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It isn't just Abraham who has this notion, even a long time ago before I knew about Abraham I have heard of this saying before in my early school days. The main reason is that if you care too much about what other people think, your life would basically be revolving around them, rather than yourself. You would be worried every second about what other people would think of this action, that action, that in the end you might just completely decide to stop doing that action and remain at home instead. Needless to say, it is not difficult to see how this can result in slight depression or anxiety over a long period of time. Just to think to yourself, how many times have you actually put off a certain hobby or task just because you were worried and afraid of what other people might think of you? For instance, you might had wanted to go the gym and build up your body, but because you were not really fit at the start you were scared of how other people there might look at you, and you end up not going to the gym at all. 1
Excellent answer and most agreed! Yes this is exactly what I talk about when I say if you want to be a performer. Like my playing guitar if I start worrying of what others think of my playing before I know it I can't even play! But when I get up there and play for my own enjoyment and others just happen to be sitting there watching me like, "Oh sorry I was so much into my playing I didn't notice all you there." My playing is great! Worrying about what others think is crippling.
(15 Feb '12, 11:19)
Wade Casaldi
@Wade Casaldi I believe everyone suffer from this more or less to a certain extent.. just to what degree (probably the ego mind at work). I have only realized reecntly that I have been too used to thinking this way that it is getting painful and fearful whenever I want to stop worrying about this lol
(15 Feb '12, 21:55)
kakaboo
Yes Kakaboo I agree, I was actually going to answer this but when I read your answer I felt like, "Wow I don't need to say what I was thinking about because you already did!" :-)
(16 Feb '12, 12:06)
Wade Casaldi
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Excellent! You cannot control how another person feels about you. Sometimes you may withhold something from someone, that they need to know, because you think they will feel badly about you, like when your friend has a piece of spinach on their front tooth.
(15 Feb '12, 12:13)
Dollar Bill
@DollarBill , the spinach made me laugh , has been interesting over my life to see various responses to this , or perhaps, ladies dresses caught in tights after a bathroom visit , some are positively angry at being informed :-) and all you were trying to do was help
(08 Sep '12, 04:25)
Starlight
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Why does Abraham say we should care less about what other people think about us? And care more about what we think about them? The key here is "THINK" about us not "Speak" about us, although eventually one leads to the other. Now think about it. If we are not psychic how do we know what others are thinking about us? If we can't read their minds how do we know? So it doesn't really matter what they think doesn't it? Unless there is something else going on here that is much different at the deeper levels of consciousness. I believe (as a result of learning from many sources similar to Abraham) that whatever concerns our experience is our own doing. It is the physical materialization of our own inner fears and anticipations. I believe that other's opinion of us is initiated by us within our own consciousness first. Imagine your consciousness as a calm pond with you at the center of it. Now with your imagination drop a single drop of water to create a ripple that moves outwards from you in every direction. Now if nothing interferes with this outward ripple the ripple will keep on growing all the way to the edge of the pond and disappear. (I know there would be a reflection at the shoreline, but let's ignore that) Now imagine yourself in a completely abandoned location where you are the only human being standing. Now start thinking about all the things that you worry that other's may think about you. You see? Nothing happens.... Why?.....because there is nobody else around you to reflect your thoughts or concerns back to you. Now let's get back to the pond. This time with your imagination place a single rock about 5 feet away from you, and this rock should be approximately the size of an average person's head. Now again, with your imagination, drop a single drop of water where you stand (in the center of the pond) and watch that ripple move away from you. Now do you notice what happens when the ripple hits the rock that is about 5 feet away from you? Part of the ripple that hits the rock gets reflected back in your direction doesn't it? In fact, the reflected ripple comes all the way back to hit you and pass through your center. But what did the rock reflect? The rock reflected YOUR RIPPLE in the pond. SO IF YOU ARE COMPLETELY UN-AWARE OF THE NATURE OF THE RIPPLLES YOU ARE SENDING OUT, THE REFLECTED RIPPLES FROM THE SURROUNDING ROCKS AWAKEN YOU TO THE NATURE OF THE RIPPLES THAT YOU ARE INITIATING, BECAUSE YOU CAN STUDY THE REFLECTED RIPPLE WHEN IT HITS YOU BACK. THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU DO IN YOUR CONSCIOUSNESS WHEN YOU CONCERN YOUR SELF WITH WHAT OTHERS MAY THINK ABOUT YOU. You send ripples of anticipation and concern within the matrix of consciousness because consciousness is a shared matrix within the collective consciousness of our species. Whatever anticipation you have within you as "what others may think about you" is sent out as a ripple in the matrix of consciousness in every direction from where you stand, and those that are around you simply reflect the nature of your ripple of anticipation by "acting out" your anticipation into a physical experience SO THAT YOU CAN SEE THE RESULT OF THE NATURE OF YOUR ANTICIPATION. YOU ARE THE INITIATOR OF THE OPENIONS THAT OTHERS HAVE ABOUT YOU because they are acting out YOUR ANTICIPATION OF THEM. They do this because we all communicate within each other on an unconscious level. It is not the thinking level. It is the level of communication that is underneath the rational and observable point of reference. You can test this phenomenon with inner silence. But to do this, first you have to get to inner silence. Not the kind of meditative silence, but a silence where you choose not to engage your mind in un-necessary 2nd and 3rd person perspective visions. (Otherwise described as "what others are thinking about me") Once you can maintain this focus deliberately create a negative opinion about you, something like "Oh my god I hope nobody notices that my clothes are too faded (or too bright)" Keep playing this in your head in as many variations as you can and see how long it takes for someone to say something about your clothes. The success of this experiment depends on your ability to first maintain your initial inner silence. Because with more silence, your ripples of anticipation becomes easier for people to pick up because they don't get lost in the interference created by many inner worries that you broadcast. That reaction that people have is a result of your own anticipation and fear that someone might say something to you about your clothing (or whatever that you chose as your target) Remember this. WHAT EVER YOU WORRY ABOUT, YOU BROADCAST FROM WHERE YOU STAND IN EVERY DIRECTION TO THE VERY EDGES OF REALITY. And those are the things that get reflected back to you through other human beings. So by being concerned about what others may think about us, we are actually making a choice; and they remind us of this choice by living out or speaking out our anticipation of their opinions about us. That's why Abraham is saying be concerned about what you think and not what other's may think, because "what others may think" is also "WHAT YOU THINK". @The Traveller, wow. Another great answer. Wish you were here more. Remember us when you're bored.... Sorry, just wishing. :)
(08 Sep '12, 10:45)
Grace
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You also really can't know what is going on in the other person's life. You cannot depend on your perceived feedback to draw conclusions. The other day, I was in a dentist office. I noticed a fellow patient staring at me, I smiled and nodded. He gave no sign of recognition or response. Just glared at me. I was put off and glared back. After a few minutes the receptionist called his name and came to take him by the arm. He picked up a red and white cane and walked away with her. He was blind. I try to look for the best I can find in another person. This gives me a better feeling. There is always something to enjoy. Something to be grateful about. I like being grateful, it makes me feel good. 4
@Dollar Bill What happened in the dentist's office is a perfect example to your question. We don't know what is going on in another persons life, or truly understand how they feel inside. So when we habitually judge people from their outside appearance and react in a negative way, we are throwing our own power to feel good out the window, and causing negativity in ourselves from our very own judgmental response to another person's appearance or expression.
(15 Feb '12, 14:54)
Cory
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I can't speak for Abraham's reasoning, I don't know what they have to say. However, the way I understand is that either way, they are your thoughts and judgements. If you are concerned with what other people think of you, this is just your perception of what they think of you based on your judgements of them and of yourself. Unless they tell you, you really don't know what they think of you. The Bible says to judge not lest ye be judged likewise. I have learned that when I judge others, I find myself in a similar situation. I guess that would be the LOA at work bringing us what we are focused on. LOA doesn't care if it's stuff we want or don't want. Whatever we attach our emotion and attention to, that is what we get. The Bible is full of talk of good thoughts vs. bad thoughts. So be careful what thoughts you allow to take nest in your mind. I have also learned that we do draw out of people what we expect from them and how we treat them. Like if you want your spouse or child to change, you change how you treat them. Look for good things about them that you can praise them with. They will want more of that and want to do what it takes to get more. You will find what you seek, but first you must seek. When we look for what is wrong with people, we will find that as well, and draw out more. So look for good in all people. I would like to add that if we create our reality with our mind, then our beliefs about what other people think of us is a creation of that reality and also affect the reality we create for ourselves. For example, I remember my saying to me that whatever behavior she didn't like, she would tell me that if I act that way either 1. People won't like me or want to be around me or 2. I would end up in jail. This was her way of 'guiding' me to behave the way she liked. So on one hand, I attracted this with the LOA. On the other hand, allowing her words to mold my thoughts and behavior and learn that how we guage our behavior is by what other people think. So I create my reality from the perspective that what other people think of me, and since I don't know what they think of me unless they tell me, then I even create the thoughts that I think they are having of me. Judging them judging me. So instead of being me here now, I am thinking about who they think I am. And these are how I create my reality. We create our reality with our beliefs. But where do we get our beliefs? From experiences and from other people. If we allow other people's beliefs to be our beliefs and to create our reality, then we feel powerless and wonder why things happen to us. When we decide what to believe, then we realize that we have the power of creation at our fingertips. Being self centered is a good thing if we are truely centered. When we care too much about what other people think and have to magnify ourselves to great proportions at the expense of others, that is harmful to society. Magnifying ourselves in harmony with others is beneficial to the whole. |
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Bill, do you have to care for what other people think of you? No. do you have to care for what you think of others? No. do you have to care about anything at all? No. does this help you see paradigm from which your original question was created? You tell me :) If you define your life in measures, you get to live with them and also within them. But lets examine this deeper. What is our definition of ''care'' - perhaps we could agree that to "care" means to assign a certain degree of importance to something in comparison to ourselves. In other words. That something might be an opinion. It might be your own, or of a complete stranger. When we assign a degree of importance to this opinion (say we care), we then compare it to ourselves to see if we (as human beings) match up or not to expectations implied by this opinion. When we do, we are usually flattered, when we don't we are hurt. The point here is, whether the opinion is your own or the stranger's doesn't matter. It is the measures through which you see that opinion and your attempt to validate your self against it, that is causing you to experience feelings of pleasure or pain. More often pain than pleasure for majority of people I would say. Buddhists say ''Not flattered by praise, not hurt by blame'' Understand, that you are already worthy as much as anything. Because if you were not, then you would not exist. Universe would not create something that is not worth existing. And thus your sense of worth shall come from this very fundamental realization, rather than other people's interpretations of their own measures of worthiness. Very good @CanLon!
(22 Mar '12, 10:33)
Dollar Bill
@CanLon. Very much like your answer. The question may be do I care about other people? What they think of me? Not really on either account. I am more internally motivated. Does 'caring about others' mean seeking their approval? Am I doing that right now? A great comedian finished his act one night by saying, "You have been a great audience. A wonderful audience! Then in a moment of strange interlude, he added, "Actually I need an audience to be funny. When I am alone, I am not funny, so my act, here tonight is strewn with little compliments to you, the audience, so that you will like me and find me funny. And, honestly, folks, it has gotten to the point that when I say, "You have been a wonderful audience, I honestly don't know if I am being sincere, or conning the hell out of you!" In either event, IF I place value in peoples' responses to me, if I seek that approval, I place my happiness in the hands of others. I care about my personal happiness, so how can I manifest that? Perhaps I see myself, and you, and others, as being parts of my world, my universe, my personal universe. I star in my movie, I am the director, the casting agent, the scriptwriter, the financier, the special effects supervisor. I pick the cast, the theme, the journey, the outcome. Me, me alone. And I am free to create another direction, or turn on the lights and walk out of my movie. In doing this I realize that my ultimate goal, is to be happy, so I want to create characters who I find enjoyable. If one intrudes who does not make me happy, I look at their best qualities, their good, if I find this too onerous, I cut them from my film by withdrawing my attention. I focus my movie camera elsewhere. So the people around me are happy. I look for the best in them - but I recognize that it is not them who make me happy - it is me. Yes I want them happy because I like beauty. I like fun, I like happiness, so my world is full of happy people. Financial climate is wonderful. People are enjoying great relationships. People have enough water to drink and food to eat. When I buy luxury toys, I imagine the people who made them going home with improved lives and buying things that make them happy. I want to - nay I do look around and see happy people. Works for me.
(22 Mar '12, 10:50)
Dollar Bill
@Dollar Bill the way we perceive the same thing is not that important as actually seeing that thing. So if the 'movie' making works for you, that's great! :)
(23 Mar '12, 03:47)
CalonLan
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I just came up with an excellent experiment for this question. Go to a place you are all alone by yourself, absolutely no-one else around. Now start performing what ever you do really well alone. Now start thinking about people around you while doing this and at the same time start worrying about what they might be thinking about you! Build this bigger and bigger while performing and see if it affects your performance at all. If it does, then you have just found that worrying about what others think has nothing at all to do with others, and everything to do with what you think. 1
Good idea @Wade! Casaldi! Very well said! "worrying about what others think has nothing at all to do with others, and everything to do with what you think." When I think someone is angry at me, I know that their battle is with themselves, not me. When I feel someone is judging me. I know they are judging themselves. There is little I can do to gain their approbation, their approval. If I 'push' against their apparent feelings, I just get stuck in their stuff. Their battle is with themselves. My sainted Mother once told me, "Don't worry about what other people think about you. Most of them don't!" I have studied "rage", an explosive place that is almost NEVER the result of the last trigger. It is a compounding of small things that reach a critical point within the person and then an otherwise minor event can trigger that avalanche. I did not cause the compilation of events in that person, the trigger that set them off is not my fault, though they may want to make me feel that way. I know when my behavior is right and appropriate. When I feel it was not appropriate, I will apologize because I feel I will not get better if I do not recognize that it was inappropriate by MY standards. But it is -- it must be -- my decision. A woman brought her nine-year-old son to a therapist. He was causing major disturbances at home and in the neighborhood. The therapist, Dr Milton Erickson, saw them together, then individually. The son was fierce and defiant. The therapist saw the mother in the last interview. On the way home the son snarled at his mother, "Did he tell you how to make me mind?" The mother said, "No, he said you are a bright young man and you know right behavior from wrong." The son sneered, laughed, and went on doing bad behaviors. The next morning at breakfast, the mother told the son, "I have some nice oatmeal for you." The son exclaimed, "I don't want any f**king oatmeal!" and threw it across the room. The mother suddenly grabbed him, pushed him to the floor and sat on him, pinning him down. The son began thrashing around screaming threats and insults. Promising violent retribution. But the mother would not move. He was effectively trapped. She picked up a magazine she had placed nearby and began reading, ignoring the screaming child. After a few hours and trying everything ineffectual he knew, he calmed down and asked, "What do you want me to do?" She responded, "Dr. Erickson told me that you are a bright young man and you know waht to do. You know right from worong." It was not up to her to tell him what to do, he needed to decide for himself, then and ONLY then could he make desired changes for the better. Then he told his her, "I need to go to the bathroom." She responded, "So do I, but I will only let you up if you promise to come back here and let me sit on you again." Another 30 minutes went by, he could see she was serious and agreed. They came back, but they sat on the sofa and held each other while he cried. He then said, "I am hungry." She got another bowl of oatmeal and presented it to him. By now it was cold, but he reluctantly ate it. That night, he had another bowl of cold oatmeal. From that point onward, he was a model child. A changed little man. A little man! A footnote to the case. He stayed well until the mother (who had divorced her husband long ago) developed an interest in a boyfriend. Then he relapsed. He had a new pair of cowboy boots and would stamp the floor with such violence that the mother would agree so he would stop the noise. She brought him to see Dr. Erickson. Who saw him alone. The young man, now 10 yo wore his cowboy boots. He told Dr. Erickson, "If you try to make me change, I will stamp so hard your office will fall down. If I have to stamp 50 times, I will do it until this office falls down!" Dr. Erickson, said, "I would like to see you do that! Please go ahead." So he jumped high in the air and came down with a tremendous crash! Dr. Erickson said,"That was pretty good, but my office is still standing. Why don't you do it again?" So he did. but it was obvious that it hurt his feet. Dr Erickson said, "Now you only have 48 more times to go, but I will let you stand by the table, put your hand on it and just tap the floor 48 times." Afterward, the young man said, "Ok, OK, I will accept Mom's boyfriend on the one condition. That he comes here and you have a talk with him!" Dr Erickson did not care what the boy thought about him. He did not accept that the stamping was related to Dr Erickson's behavior in getting the young man to change. He allowed the boy play it out until the boy realized it was not getting the desired results. Then Dr Erickson allowed the boy to use his own understanding to correct his behavior.
(22 Mar '12, 09:40)
Dollar Bill
@Dollar Bill This is an excellent story, thanks so much! :-)
(08 Sep '12, 05:03)
Wade Casaldi
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not really Dollar bill because it all start from you what you think is your problem and what they think is their problem. even mother theresa said it it was never between you and them it was between you and god. “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” “People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway. If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway. For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.” “Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.” “Life is an opportunity, benefit from it. Life is beauty, admire it. Life is a dream, realize it. Life is a challenge, meet it. Life is a duty, complete it. Life is a game, play it. Life is a promise, fulfill it. Life is sorrow, overcome it. Life is a song, sing it. Life is a struggle, accept it. Life is a tragedy, confront it. Life is an adventure, dare it. Life is luck, make it. Life is too precious, do not destroy it. Life is life, fight for it.” “I know God won't give me anything I can't handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much.” “Peace begins with a smile..” “Do not think that love in order to be genuine has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired. Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.” “Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin.” “If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.” “At the end of life we will not be judged by how many diplomas we have received, how much money we have made, how many great things we have done. We will be judged by "I was hungry, and you gave me something to eat, I was naked and you clothed me. I was homeless, and you took me in.” “If you are humble nothing will touch you, neither praise nor disgrace, because you know what you are.” “God made the world for the delight of human beings-- if we could see His goodness everywhere, His concern for us, His awareness of our needs: the phone call we've waited for, the ride we are offered, the letter in the mail, just the little things He does for us throughout the day. As we remember and notice His love for us, we just begin to fall in love with Him because He is so busy with us -- you just can't resist Him. I believe there's no such thing as luck in life, it's God's love, it's His.” “People are unrealistic, illogical, and self-centered. Love them anyway.” http://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/838305.Mother_Teresa sure help your brother and sister if you can and if they allow it with their free will if not let them be and do not judge them in the end it will not serve you at all in fact it will burn you. so try to not judge and stay in the truth. each day i see people with problem shall i judge them? i stay in the truth i know and i do not need to judge them. i have include this from the bible it might help you in your life. You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? http://bible.cc/matthew/7-5.htm experience and enjoy. @white tiger excellent advice! I hope that we can all live by these principles!
(29 Mar '12, 14:18)
Dollar Bill
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