If it feels like you're deluding yourself. Then you're deluding yourself.

If you would not feel anything at all, you would not feel the need to be happy either. So you must feel something negative or painful that actually makes you want to move towards the state of happiness.

If there are bombs dropping all around you, and you try not to think of it, or try to imagine you're on a sunny beach laying in warm sand. Then, unless, you take appropriate ACTION, you'll be just deluding yourself.

Negative thoughts and feelings are there for a REASON. Something must be causing them to surface again and again. The same go for your "doubter-like" observer's attitude who's questioning your attempts to be happy. But he's not really against you being happy, all he's doing is telling you "look, something's rotten here and you are turning your back on it instead of dealing with it". The observer in you, is not somebody else. It's you. So you yourself feel that you are deluding yourself.

Happiness is not building a bridge over a stinky river. Happiness is finding the cause of why the river stinks, fix it and cross crystal clear like river afterwards.

Your attempts to shift focus to positive thoughts is just like building that bridge. Causes and reasons for negative thoughts and feelings you already have within you will remain to stink and you will smell it when trying to walk on your bridge of positivity. These negative thoughts and feelings will resurface again and again and again in your life, unless you resolve to solve them and address them once and for all.

Don't look away from your dark thoughts, face them instead, look them in the eye. It's when we look at/into things we understand them. Not when we look away. And in the light of understanding our fear of them melts. And while it's important to know the demons of yours you are fighting against, you must also know the angels you are fighting for.

As the famous saying goes

"If you don't know what you stand for, you'll fall for anything"

Therefore, be very clear and certain of what you want and who do you want to be. This certainty will be your sword that will cut through all fears and doubts you ever had. It will lead you to their cause and destroy it. And when you free yourself of your fears, you'll become happy.

From your question you could be experiencing what Eckhart Tolle calls a pain-body attack. That sounds really weird I know but if you are thinking positive thoughts and generally feeling good - especially as, from your description, you are attempting to feel good right NOW (present moment awareness) but then suddenly you start feeling negative - emotions start to well up inside you - then this could be what it is. I am unsure though as you say it is more of a mocking feeling.

The present moment awareness is the way to neutralise this negative energy. Basically you just have to let the negative feelings pass without judgment - don't whatever you do add to them with negative thoughts.

If you wanted to know more you could take a look at some stuff on the web about Eckhart Tolle and the pain body or if this really resonates with you, you could dive in with The Presence Process by Michael Brown. If it feels like you are being dragged down by negative feelings when you are mostly thinking positive thoughts then this could be a solution. On the other hand I could be completely wrong!

Just to say that you sound as if you are doing really well - not trying to take too big a leap, being happy in the moment.

Try Two Hands Touching whenever you want to feel happy, quiet your mind, stop hiccups, etc... You can combine it with affirmations, questions, visualizations, etc... depending on your wants/needs.

Press the palms of your hands together and close your eyes. Ask yourself quietly in your mind, "What do my hands feel like?" Without naming the feelings, feel the answer in your hands. Don't try to think or not think, just feel your hands. Any time this 'observer' says things that mock you, do THT. While doing THT, any time your mind wanders, ask again, "What do my hands feel like?"

Please read the book: "YOU" by Charles F. Haanel, on Psitek.net. All words and vibrations are recorded in the ether. Therefore, all thoughts and words go out into the Universe. The Universe is alive with intelligence. When a mental picture is formed in the brain, the rate of vibration corresponding to that picture is immediately awakened in the ether. Therefore, think good thoughts... Say "Cancel, cancel" to all negative vibrations... whenever you think them. Replace these thoughts with positive happy thoughts. "Success is woven from the threads of daily noble choices" MEK

Thank you Fairy Princess.... Since all vibrations, from speech, are composed of the particles and waves function... to say "Cancel, cancel" is very effective. Reference: "NOVA", Brian Greene; he explains particles and waves, quantum physics, on the television show, 'The Fabric of the Cosmos", very well. Also; You Tube, Brian Greene (Columbia University) has some very informative video's as well. Peace and Love (: MEK