I used to ponder those same questions.

One day at my meditative level, I imagined going off by myself and beginning a new life, away from loved ones. I made my own decisions completely and only did what pleased me and benefitted me personally. In time, it became tedious and too predictable. I missed the occasional resistence. I also missed my adult children, my relatives, friends and husband.

Although sometimes I don't enjoy doing the will of others, this is, in a way, the price I pay for having them in my life. And helping them or supporting them is often the right thing to do, morally and karmically. Rosicrucianism teaches that it is sometimes good to do the will of others for our own soul growth. We learn other perspectives and learn to put aside our own egos once in awhile. And once in awhile we even have fun in the process. Have you ever gone along with the decision of someone else, and in trying something new, had a really good time, or good adventure?

Doing things for others should be balanced though, and not a one-way steet. You need to make decisions that make you happy as well and consider your own safely of course. Doing the will of others sometimes does not mean giving up control of your own life.

I hope I was helpful. Best wishes!

I think this quote represents quite a good answer to your dilemma...

Nobody knows what is best for you but yourself. You should not worry about what the peanut gallery (this is how Abraham refer to the general public and others around you) says or thinks of you as long as you feel good and derive pleasure in what you are doing whether that is meditating or doing voluntary work.

No matter what you do, there is always going to be somebody who thinks it's not quite right. But then are you going to take what everybody thinks or says into account and change your behaviour to please them all. Of course not as it is not possible.

Your connection to source and your well being is what is most important. Personally, I couldn't care less if somebody said that to me as everybody has their own agenda.

So who was the writer of that insightful answer?

...You :)

http://www.inwardquest.com/questions/1936#1938

As I often say, it's so much easier to see the solution to other people's problems than our own :)

as soon as we are born, we have a number of relationships such as family and friendship which gives rise to certain obligations.

No we don't - They are only illusory obligations imposed on us by society's paradigm. Each person is there on his own. In fact, although in a group, we're always alone. Yes it makes sense you help a child to grow. But that's about it. The child has nothing to pay you back. It was your decision to bring it to this world. When you grow old, it was your responsibility to secure yourself when you were younger. If you fail to do so, your child is NOT obligated to secure you for your own inability. Indeed, they may help. But so can your friends or anyone. Don't say to your child - "I raised you, you owe me" - ever! Your children are your FRIENDS. So much for any kind of obligation in this world. We're all just friends regardless of what each society might think.

“The whole secret of existence is to have no fear. Never fear what will become of you, depend on no one. Only the moment you reject all help are you freed.” ~ Buddha

This suggests another question though. - "How much are you afraid of other people's reactions towards you should you follow your heart and let those who don't understand and judge you for being and doing what you want stay in their ignorance and misunderstanding?"

Everyone has to answer it for himself. But I can say from my own life's experience, letting go of society's paradigms and stripping these so "obligations" of their importance, I really do feel a lot more free in my life. It's so much easier to breath suddenly.

What are obligations?

Obligations are only actions which we do because we think that they are the morally correct choices.

Look at that word morally. Whose morals are we talking about? Yours? Your husband's? Or should we look higher--at what God requires of us- or rather, what we think God requires of us.

Now--think abut this sentence: THE JOB OF A GOOD PARENT IS TO BECOME OBSOLETE. Have your parents become "obsolete?" It doesn't sound like it. Rather, it sounds like you do NOT find any joy in helping them- perhaps because deep inside of you, you sense that they should really be taking care of themselves, and letting you live your life.

As for your husband-- are you really communicating with him? Or does he have the upper hand in all things? Perhaps now you can see why you do NOT feel JOY when you make decisions that go against the grain. You are acting the role of the martyr (sorry- I know that was a tough word to swallow) and do things out of duty rather than out of love.

If I were you, I'd sit down and do some hard thinking about what brings you J-O-Y, and even make a list of those things. Be thorough and just write without caring about what anyone would think about what you write. Then, compare that list to what you are presently doing.

They will be quite different, I'll bet.

It's okay to help, but only if it brings you J-O-Y. Otherwise, you are NOT doing it for the right reasons.

Now- about what God wants.

He wants you to be happy, and to do His will- not your parents' wills or your husband's will, but His. And--this may shock you--His will for you may be to "drop the rock". He may be waiting for you to blossom into yourself. He may be waiting for you to find what is your will! And the closer your will lines up with God's, the happier you will be.

Reassess your priorities. Expect resistance as you change how you behave. But always remember that as long as God is pleased, and you are pleased, that is your first priority!

Good Luck and Peace,

Jaianniah

Obligation is like motivation, doing something so that something negative wouldn't happen. So is it benefiting your world?

If you could act out of inspiration - realizing why you want to do something for others, would it be more benefiting your world?

Just imagine, that all around you is your virtual reality, the taste of which is equal to what you feel when you create it - what is more important then, doing what puts you, the creator of the vibrational atmosphere in your life (that includes the Well Being of the loved by you people, too), into harmony, or doing something that as if maintains the mirror in some weird way you were taught to maintain, that feels bad to you and leaves a bad aftertaste as well?

Do you think that bad taste you have from those not-very-highly-joyful activities, is just your "stupid thing", or maybe some guidance from inside?

If your world (including the lives of your loved ones) reflects your feeling, what would be the most important thing to do?

"When in doubt, choose love" "Define who you are, define your world"

Obligation: "Something by which a person is bound or obliged to do certain things, and which arises out of a sense of duty or results from custom, law, etc"

Joy: An elated RESPONSE to feelings of happiness, experiences of pleasure, and awareness of abundance.

So, what is your "highest joy"? This definition, I think, is the crux of the issue presented.

In my journey, highest joy is god's joy. I would define god as the all thing, and therefore god's joy would be creation in the now.

So from a reductionist view, our "highest joy" or "god's joy" would be whatever we're choosing to create at this time.

Consciously, this looks a lot like acceptance, intention, and attention all mixed into one.

In other words, living in your highest joy is realizing that whatever is happening is a wonderful creation that you, as a conscious being, can co-create with the rest of the life energies that you are currently working with.

The term "obligation" is simply a paradigm for us to work within. You even have the choice to redefine that box, or definition, if you choose.

So the answer to the question: "To what extent should we let obligation interfere with following our highest joy?" comes out as thus:

You choose your extension. You choose what obligation means and what interference means. You choose what joy your experience and how you define your life meaning by what belief systems you live by.

So, the recommendation thus far in this thread seems to be -- Choose life. Choose love. Choose God.

what you see as obligation is only what is normal to do for your self and other if you want to be just make your path straight with no division. as for the word obligation is something that you must do and have no choice in the matter. motivation is something that you seek to achieve and it brings you joy and you have the choice.

did not your parent and husband do the same for you? if so it would be normal to do the same. and if they did not did it for you then why would you seek to be worse or like them? set your standard higher then you will be sure to not fall where they failed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39fHwaR2P40

Let there be light, be the light that you can be , experience and enjoy.