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So here I am, sitting in this lush and pretty wilderness, just minding my own business...When..... ALONG COMES GOD...OR SOMETHING LIKE GOD... Great. All I need right now is a "Guilt-Trip." I finally deconstruct myself, tear away the BS and am feeling pretty free and easy, when I hear something in Church that makes me sit up straight in that wilderness and think, think, think... Matthew 14:19, NIV: "Let us make every effort to do what leads to Peace..." "Hey," I think to myself. "I feel pretty darned peaceful..." But do I??? Then I realize that this place, this wilderness, is but a spot to rest along the way. It is time to get up and get moving, because I cannot have peace alone in a wilderness! I have to rejoin the human race, get working and doing what God intended for me to do...And that feels really terrible all of a sudden...It almost feels like going backwards, but I cannot go backwards- I tore my House down, and there is no going back to that. So now what? Step One: Start building a NEW HOUSE! Some part of me is sooooo tired, soooo weary, that it doesn't want to get up at all. But I must move forward. And the first thought that pops in my little head is this: What in the World DO I believe, after all???? So I get up, and start walking and thinking, leaving behind that wonderful resting place. I feel like a homeless Hobo, adrift. I need an anchor. I need something to hang onto. For me, it was this: There is, for me, A God, a Universal Mind, whatever you want to call it, and HE/SHE/IT LOVES ME!!! He must! He gave me those incredible insights into His Mind....That huge and beautiful Mind that works so fast, faster than even the speed of Light.... I think of Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz....All Dorothy wanted was an answer from the wizard, and she had so many tasks to do, only to find out that "Home" was right in her own feet... Back to Matthew and Peace. I ask myself: Is this Peace??? No, because all I know is that there is God, and I feel I have let Him down all my life.... I break down and cry, realizing this, accepting this, knowing that I will never be perfect! And that is tenet number two: "Jai, you will never be perfect! Can't be done perfectly! Not happening, kiddo!" And I look down, and see ruby slippers on my feet...I know what to do...I click my heels three times, and I am back, standing before a torn-down house. It's not fair, but it's certainly real! Do what leads to Peace...Hmmmm...So I roll up my sleeves, and begin sorting through the rubble. What is here that I can use to build a better place for my soul? And I get to work, and the Wilderness... The Wilderness is But a Memory... So, folks, here's the question: What can I salvage from the Rubble? How do I start to form my new character? Stay Tuned, Jai ♥♥♥ |
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Well you need a solid foundation, so build it on faith. Faith that there is only good. Be very careful not to build too many walls. The walls are your beliefs. Some good basic beliefs are, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me," and "Seek first the kingdom of heaven and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto me." Then you have to decide what to believe that means. When you tore down your house, did your beliefs about the Bible, Jesus, etc... change? Did you keep some beliefs? Every belief you have is a wall that defines your reality. Since you get to create your reality with your beliefs, then you also get to choose which beliefs to keep and which ones to toss out. The more beliefs you have, the more you live in a box. Some things to keep in mind while building.
Thanks, FP, for such a great answer...You beat my psychologist's ideas by a mile...hahahaha...So I grant you an honorary MSW!! Love you!♥ Jai
(02 Aug '12, 08:18)
Jaianniah
Glad to hear it @Jaianniah. I am curious what a psychologist would say now. Thanks for the honorary MSW!
(02 Aug '12, 09:32)
Fairy Princess
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I think this rebuilding is best done over time, and with forgiveness, flexibility, and patience. Be kind and gentle to yourself; there is no reason not to be. You know what happens when a growing child is beat and bullied, so as you rebuild from a childlike position of openess and wonder, remember. If you make a decision that you find doesn't serve you, change it. Your first allegiance has to be to your Self. Gently create by making decisions as the universe presents each belief for you to evaluate, which you may rest assured, now that you have asked the question, it will. Have faith in what you create; if you created it, it is good. Know that it is also perfectly possible that it will change. It is a continuous process, and it would be wise to learn to live peacefully with that. You have no deadline, no one is keeping score. Our @Xoomaville called this "a very blessed junction of re-invention", and I agree. It is by nature unsettling, but priceless in terms of opportunity and expansion. We can thrill to the adventure of it. Thoroughly enjoy it. Revel in our own marvelous creation. I have been talking to my mirror, Jai. I hope it has been useful to you, too. :) |
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clean the temple. "The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness! http://bible.cc/matthew/6-23.htm The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light. But if thine eye be evil, thy whole body shall be full of darkness. (Matt 6:22-23, KJV) "I never slandered anyone, nor did I censure the life of any man, walking as I did in singleness of eye" (3:4)... "And now hearken to me, my children, and walk in singleness of heart… The single [minded] man covets not gold… There is no envy in his thoughts, nor [does he] worry with insatiable desire in his mind. For he walks in singleness, and beholds all things in uprightness of heart… Keep, therefore, my children, the law of God, and attain singleness...7 http://www.egrc.net/articles/director/articles_director_1203.html |
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