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One of my most intractable patterns has surfaced, and I am working on releasing the it. I sometimes attract serial bullies as defined here- http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/serial.htm The specifics change, and thankfully I have also attracted support, including others who seem to have this pattern as well who are working on the issue Spiritually. It feels like we are resolving some "deep stuff" as one of us has phrased it. In my own experience they showed up at work most frequently, but recently it's an in-law (family member) who seems to be a recreation of the worst bullies my families have ever produced. Interestingly, I have manifested a job with a very strong and enforced antibullying workplace policy- it's wonderful! And this family member has quite simply been at her worst, even towards her own children. I am wary of "premature forgiveness", but it is ultimately my goal, and this experience has brought up some childhood stuff I thought I had resolved- I am temporarily living in the town I grew up in after 28 years- MOST enlightening. I have a friend who is helping me vent my anger in the moment and move through it- which I think is very important. I would appreciate any wisdom on getting through bullying/ abusive experiences- as quickly as possible, esp ways to appropriately apply LOA process's, getting to forgiveness processes, anything that has helped. How do you deal with bullies?
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It can be a frustrating thing to realize that you have attracted these bullies. You created this life experience. You can go into an endless loop where you fight against the emotions surrounding bullies and your reaction to them Stuffing it and payback won't work. When you are surrounded by the negative emotions and situations, it will snowball. Kill the Black Prince and more will come to take his place. I mean this metaphorically. It is not a matter of "getting away" from them, or worse yet, trying to change them. For me, the answer is to find something else, anything else. Put your energy there. You seem to like martial arts, try Aikido. There are no offensive moves, it is about "sidestepping", or something that is in no way related to fighting. It may sound hard. You may get it working and them get drawn back in, but be gentle with yourself. There is no need at all for forgiveness, because once you get yourself right, there will be no one to forgive, so don't be concerned with "premature forgiveness." I know this sounds weird until you have done it a few times, but once you change yourself -- and you KNOW how to do this, you are just making too much mental noise to hear your answer. Take yourself on holiday. When you feel ire rising within you, find something beautiful, focus on it and enlarge it. Turn your back on the ugly and walk away. Turn your back on the voice that says you SHOULD do something about that bully. DO SOMETHING ELSE! We live in an inclusionary universe. If you say YES to something, it comes to you. If you say NO to something, guess what? It also comes to you. Say YES to something else, keep saying YES to good things. Great Point Bill, Thank you. I've had a lot of good results with that sort of approach. It's the high intensity of the moment, and some involvement with kids caught in the crossfire that made it more challenging than usual.
(25 Sep '12, 12:21)
peplumen
I used the method below which helped surface my feelings, and when I couldn't get to the good feeling place I did the Narasimha Chant (Sanskrit) till I felt neutral enough to proceed ((I am a multi-faith chanter when I chant, btw) I'm also blessed with good company helping me keep on keepin on , moving in the right direction. And I've already had some great things come out of the past weekend's "drama". :) On non denominational Sacred Chant The Art of Sacred Chant http://www.anahermusic.com/
(25 Sep '12, 12:22)
peplumen
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I don't know how helpful this answer will be for you, but I'll share with you some experiences I had with bullying and how it played out via the Law of Attraction. From middle school through the end of high school, I endured frequent bullying, from student peers as well as a few teachers, which was mostly emotional in nature but included the occasional physical intimidation as well. I never figured out how to deal with it at the time, but resented it a great deal. After college, finally on a salaried job, this stuff was still bothering me, so I decided to do something I had wanted to do ever since I first saw "The Karate Kid," but never had the money to pay for. I decided I was going to finally train in a martial art.
I searched out what I felt was the worst martial art I could find. By "worst", meaning the best. That which would do the most damage with the least amount of effort. Eye gouging and biting included. Vicious stuff. The feeling of empowerment was almost immediate...I would say within the first week of taking the course, I felt relief from the sense of powerlessness I had long suffered from. And about six months later, I honestly felt much more confident walking the city streets. My feeling was, even if someone takes me down, I will still do them some serious damage. No one can simply intimidate or "play" with me. But something funny happened as well. Within the first 8 or 9 months of taking the course, I almost got into three fights, in the most random scenarios. It seemed like the Universe was deliberately arranging things so that I could get in a fight. For example, in one incident, as I approached the ticket counter in a train station, a bustling, oblivious businessman rushed by me and knocked me into a thug sitting on a nearby bench. The thug angrily threw me off, and I found myself confronting him, ready to come to blows. The guy backed down and I stormed off huffing and puffing. After several incidents like these, I began to realize for the first time that physical reality was somehow "mirroring" things in my mind and attitude. It was giving me the chance to fight bullies. The martial art was training me to be aggressive; my teacher would even tell the class things like "There must always be payback" and "Never let anyone on the street touch you aggressively," etc.. This was one of the first times in my life that I noticed the existence of the Law of Attraction, although I didn't even have a name for it back then. At a certain point, I realized I actually didn't want to fight people. It was only intended to be a last resort. And that knowing how to defend myself was merely a means to make me feel safe and empowered. So, after all that, I ended up switching to a more "spiritual" martial art (previously I had dismissed the spiritual dimension of the martial arts). And I haven't been drawn into an actual "street" fighting scenario since. Hope I wasn't being too indulgent in recounting this tale, but it felt good to write about that experience after all these years. I hope you can find a message in there somewhere. On a practical note, here is a process that I think will help with your bullying: Manifesting Experiment 2 : The 'Focus Blocks' Method All the best.
EDIT 9/24/2012 After thinking about my post some more, and reading the other comments here, I realized there IS a message within my story. The message is, forget the bully. Don't focus on bullies or conflict. Forget them and focus on self-empowerment and positive relationships. Focus Blocks will help with this. Do this, and eventually the bullies will disappear from your life. I'm a sixth degree black belt karate instructor. I have been in karate since 1975 I haven't been drawn into any fights since grade school or high school. I do not teach the way it sounds your instructor teaches,"Payback" etc... I was never taught that way myself. Respect, Honor and Peace are the main objectives of Karate.
(24 Sep '12, 00:20)
Wade Casaldi
@Wade Casaldi - That was many years ago...that guy hasn't been my instructor in a long time. He was (and is, I assume) actually quite good at what he does...his stuff is effective...but I got to the point where I felt it was spiritually and emotionally unhealthy for me to continue with that art. But as I said, those days are long gone, and I have since had the good fortune to know some wonderful instructors who have a much healthier take on life and spirituality...
(24 Sep '12, 00:35)
lozenge123
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@Wade Casaldi - ...and teach arts that are much more in line with what I ultimately in my heart of hearts wanted. Although I haven't trained in it, from what I know, Karate seems very much in line with the mind/body/health/spirit aspect of martial arts. It also has a special place in my heart, since the original "Karate Kid" movie is what first planted the desire in me to take martial arts. Blessings to you and your practice!
(24 Sep '12, 00:36)
lozenge123
@lozenge123 - Great story. Self empowerment, self discovery, and just look at you now! I love that you learned by succeeding at what you really don't want, saw it for what it was, sensed the LOA at work, then turned down a different path that led you to your true, present success. It's that turn - that is the wonderful thing. And I'm hearing no regret or shame connected to your former path. You just turned. Beautiful! I want to learn to feel that self respect too. Thanks for sharing.
(24 Sep '12, 01:07)
Grace
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@Grace - Thanks for the kind comments! Yes, I actually look back fondly on that experience despite the negative aspects. It took me up the Emotional Guidance Scale quite a bit, from Fear/Insecurity to Anger. Did the trick at the time, but then I somehow sensed I wanted to rise up from anger, and realized that I had to move on. Also, as my first martial arts experience, it opened the door to some truly wonderful martial arts adventures which came later. Okey doke, off to bed now :)
(24 Sep '12, 01:14)
lozenge123
My son takes Kung Fu. I love his teacher and school. They are Christian and teach that the idea is not to have to use it. My son has wanted to change things up a little, so we checked out some other schools. One of them I didn't like the teacher for various reasons, so I didn't pick that school. Another school I didn't like the teacher and there ended up being two teachers from that school to get convicted of child molestation. I find it important to have the right teacher. They are not al equal
(24 Sep '12, 10:04)
Fairy Princess
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@Fairy Princess - Yes, just like most professions, teachers run the gamut from the terrible to the wonderful. The martial arts world is no different. It sounds like you found a great one for your son, though! Glad to hear you managed to avoid the bad.
(24 Sep '12, 14:07)
lozenge123
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@lozenge123 - Abraham have said that the same thing happened to Jerry Hicks. As he became more proficient in fighting, he attracted fights. See Does knowledge of 'The Law of Attraction' make armies obsolete - even 'alien' ones?
(24 Sep '12, 14:13)
Stingray
At first my so was wanting to attract opportunities to use what he learned and I reminded him that his teacher said that it should mean you don't have to use it. I reminded him there are other ways of getting excitement. So he settled for showing off a few times doing things that kept people away and prevented fights by kicking their hat off their head. They left him alone after that.
(24 Sep '12, 14:20)
Fairy Princess
I am glad he is sensible.
(24 Sep '12, 14:21)
Fairy Princess
if you live by the sword you will die by the sword it was in the bible 2000 year ago said by jesus. martial art do not have to be vicious or blunt,what you do to other come back to you, if you judge you will be judge with the same mesure. if you are agressive in your mind and heart like the bullie does from the over flow of the heart,he produce evil and need to prove him self on other people that are not looking for that, 2 things will happen eventually the bullie will face a bigger bullie-
(24 Sep '12, 15:22)
white tiger
or someone that does not look for fight,and has nothing to prove will say its enuff and solve the problem of the bullie for good. so seek a good teacher one that is wise with a balence way,example:aikido(means way to control movement and energy) it is one of the more effortless martial art.
(24 Sep '12, 15:27)
white tiger
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Tao Te #68 ~ Nonaggression Ф the best warrior is non-violent the best general is not impulsive the best businessman is not rash the best leader is the best follower This is the power of peace rooted in non-violence this is what is meant by as it is in heaven let it be on earth peace on earth world without end
(24 Sep '12, 16:04)
ursixx
@Stingray - Thanks for the link, it actually gave me a lot to reflect on...made me question why I love and practice my current martial art so much, but without attracting conflict and violence anymore. Because, of course, you can't truly take the "martial" out of the "art" and have it still be a martial art. I'm not entirely sure, but my best guess is that it has to do with the energy flowing through you while you practice, and how it makes you feel. It's definitely a positive, exciting...
(25 Sep '12, 01:39)
lozenge123
...exhilarating, wondrous energy, rather than an aggressive kind energy. Also the focus being on mental and physical development rather than going out and kicking someone's butt. Also, at a certain point, you realize that your struggles are all with yourself, rather than your opponent, so the journey becomes an internal one rather than an external one. Maybe that is enough to take the focus off of the violent aspect, and avoid manifesting such conflict situations. But I really can't be sure...
(25 Sep '12, 01:43)
lozenge123
@ursixx, @white tiger, @Wade Casaldi - There is a wonderful 17th century treatise called "The Unfettered Mind" (Wade, maybe you know it, it is Japanese). It's basically what I would describe as the "enlightened" approach to martial arts. Here are some quotes, I think you will get the picture: "Presumably, as a martial artist, I do not fight for gain or loss, am not concerned with strength or weakness, and neither advance a step nor retreat a step. The enemy does not see me..."
(25 Sep '12, 01:46)
lozenge123
"... I do not see the enemy. Penetrating to a place where heaven and earth have not yet divided, where Ying and Yang have not yet arrived, I quickly and necessarily gain effect." "The accomplished man uses the sword but does not kill others. He uses the sword and gives others life. When it is necessary to kill, he kills. When it is necessary to give life, he gives life. When killing, he kills in complete concentration; when giving life, he gives life in complete concentration..."
(25 Sep '12, 01:48)
lozenge123
"...Without looking at right and wrong, he is able to see right and wrong; without attempting to discriminate, he is able to discriminate well. Treading on water is just like treading on land, and treading on land is just like treading on water. If he is able to gain this freedom, he will not be perplexed by anyone on earth. In all things, he will be beyond companions."
(25 Sep '12, 01:49)
lozenge123
Thank you and everyone who responded so much for these comments. It's fascinating to reflect upon your story, and I resonate with a lot of it. This is why I'm glad I was drawn to this site. Namaste, everyone. :)
(25 Sep '12, 12:14)
peplumen
@lozenge123 - It's never really about the action you take but the vibrational intent with which you take the action. So one could certainly practice the hard external martial arts but without the intention of using them in fight situations and I'm sure it wouldn't attract conflicts. The tricky thing though is that would one really study some of those hard arts if it wasn't to use in physical conflicts? Perhaps that is why the soft, internal arts exist? ...to practice the forms without the intent
(27 Sep '12, 08:28)
Stingray
@lozenge123 - Another thing to consider - and this going to upset people but I'll say it anyway :) - is that Abraham have actually said that soldiers engaged in battle where they are trying to kill the enemy can find alignment in doing that...again, it's not about the action itself (human beings love to judge action) but the intent behind it. I assume Abraham meant that those soldiers are "in the zone" while practising their art (of killing) and performing it to a self-pleasing standard
(27 Sep '12, 08:31)
Stingray
@lozenge123 - By way of example, I was watching this YouTube video the other day: Longest Sniper Kill Ever One can almost sense the pride and joy that this sniper had in killing someone at a record distance
(27 Sep '12, 08:34)
Stingray
@Stingray - Thanks for the perspective and the link. I have seen other clips like this from Iraq, and yes, the joy and exhilaration seems palpable. I also know some people here in the U.S. who love guns, mostly former military, and make a hobby of shooting. After several invitations, I recently went shooting (target practice) for the first time, just to try it out. I felt that to shoot accurately, it was possible to enter into a calm, almost meditative state while squeezing the trigger...
(01 Oct '12, 16:53)
lozenge123
@Stingray - ...and engage in the practice with a detached, non-violent vibration. It was actually somewhat interesting as an isolated experience. But just as you say re: martial arts, the question for me was, is this something I really want to do, or care to do, or need to do in my life? And the answer is, not really. No real desire there. And so what you say about soft vs. hard martial arts definitely resonates in the same way. I practice a martial art that could be considered both hard and...
(01 Oct '12, 16:56)
lozenge123
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@Stingray - ...soft, or rather seems to integrate both elements, and practice them realistically (with full martial intent), but because the weapons involved are no longer used in war or street-fighting, I think we rarely entertain genuine scenarios of using them in "real life." So I suppose that that must be what takes the violent "vibrational intent" out of it. Something I will continue to think about... :)
(01 Oct '12, 17:05)
lozenge123
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In my experience trying to 'deal with' a serial bully will only wear you down. The idea is to keep away from them. I do believe you can attract bullies and that's not because of anything bad about yourself, in actual fact, bullies are attracted to those whom they perceive as good and powerful in some way - they feel threatened by this and want to tear it apart. They are relenting and usually never give up, unless they are not really a serial bully and have some issues of their own that are causing them to behave badly in which case they may improve. However if you have established that this person is that bad and they are inflicting real harm on others it is best to get away from them and have no more contact. So you have to leave your job. You can try to make a formal complaint about them and that could set the wheels in motion. However this normally results in the 'victim' being ostracised in the workplace and eventually pushed out. However I do recommend if you do leave make the complaint in a formal sense so that a person (the highest person in the organisation including the chairman) knows about what has happened. Very good points, and I very much agree that bullies are often attracted to the light, so to speak. My experience with the formal internal process has varied depending on the amount of clarity and good intentions I held, lol.
(25 Sep '12, 12:20)
peplumen
And it's interesting that I have manifested a job with a no workplace violence policy that seems to have resulted in "The No-Asshole rule, as defined by Robert Sutton being used. Which, by the way I read just prior to my last jobs where I ran into the issue (see the thread with lozenge123 above). I am so grateful for my current job!
More on Robert Sutton's book "The No-Asshole Rule: Building a civilized workplace and surviving one that isn't"
(25 Sep '12, 12:20)
peplumen
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Try using this deletion sequence with Two Hands Touching. video of THT Before you do the Deletion Sequence for the first time and only the once is needed, do THT, then say or think, "Delete all deletions to zero, then Zero minus infinity, then zero minus infinity to the power of infinity." Then do THT. EZ Deletion Sequence: Do THT. Then say your statement using words and phrases in the blank like: Being bullied, being a victim, the bullie's name, etc... Then do THT, fully putting your focus on your hands and releasing the the statement, feeling disturbance at first, possible, followed by peace, calm, releif before moving on to the next statement. Do THT. Say, "Delete all the ways I feel about and hold in my body ____." Do THT. Say, "Delete all the physical and psychological causes and affects of ____." Do THT. Say, "Delete all the mental and emotional causes and affects of ____." Do THT. Say, "Delete all the psychic/epmathic and spiritual causes and affects of ____." Do THT. Say, "Delete all the unknown and remaining causes and affects of ____." Do THT. Once you delete these, you can use affirmations like, do THT then say, "I am connected in love with __. Let the Divine idea come out of the connection." Do THT. I will! It's an old pattern, has that feeling of intensity I associate with a negative pattern working itself out. I'll keep you posted with my progress
(22 Sep '12, 19:57)
peplumen
Great process! Once through did a great job clearing. :) BTW, if you chant, try THT while chanting, Latin or Sanskrit or other. Feel the vibes in your hands while doing it. Interesting results. :) Sacred Art of Chant by Ana Hernandez http://www.anahermusic.com/
(25 Sep '12, 12:10)
peplumen
@peplumen Wow! thanks for sharing. I listened to a sample from http://www.anahermusic.com/book.php #7 http://www.anahermusic.com/07%20gayatri.mp3 while doing THT feeling the vibes in my hands like you said, and it was amazing! It brought tears to my eyes. So I listened to it without the THT to compare, and although it sounded nice, it was not nearly as powerful as when I did it with THT. Aside from visualizations, I always switch from the statement to fully THT for the release, but this
(25 Sep '12, 12:28)
Fairy Princess
wasn't a release method, just a tuning amplification. Wow! Thanks for sharing. And I am so glad the THT gave you relief.
(25 Sep '12, 12:29)
Fairy Princess
I can vouch for chants. I use them in active meditations. Very powerful neutralising effect:)
(25 Sep '12, 12:44)
Satori
(25 Sep '12, 12:55)
Fairy Princess
I think it depends on the situation. Usually folded in my lap. Never thought about it before, lol. Using THT is more deliberate so I am aware of the results. My Experience is chanting is it's own reward, and the more you do, the better it is. Sanskrit is my favorite, Latin is 2nd choice for me. I like the idea of Aramaic chanting, but it's very difficult for me to wrap my tongue around so I have a hard time getting into the flow.
(25 Sep '12, 13:04)
peplumen
Check out the Shanti Shanti story, two Sanskrit Savants from Colorado. Their Mother has written a fascinating book called Dreaming in Real Time which tells the story of these amazing young women. They seem to have been born hardwired for Sacred Chant. http://www.shantishanti.com/ A sample of their music http://youtu.be/ApmIMyqSF6U
(25 Sep '12, 13:07)
peplumen
Yes, the THT felt like an amplifier for the vibration.
(25 Sep '12, 13:08)
Fairy Princess
I only listened, I don't know the words.
(25 Sep '12, 13:08)
Fairy Princess
@Fairy Princess- Check out Approx last 10 minutes of each of these kundalini workouts called journey through the chakras. There is active meditations and chants at the end of each workout. Check out the tune in at the start also. Might be something you could use:)
(25 Sep '12, 13:14)
Satori
(25 Sep '12, 13:16)
Satori
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@Satori Thank you. One reason I asked is that I see people touching their hands together all the time, however, if it is not the focus, then it isn't doing it's thing. So even in the video, when they touch their hands, there is not mentioning of focusing on the hands.
(25 Sep '12, 13:41)
Fairy Princess
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@Fairy Princess- This is true. It is that focus that's takes us out of the mind filter and puts us in that heart-centered place. THT does this very quickly. Staying heart-centered is about the best thing we can be doing at this time :)
(25 Sep '12, 16:06)
Satori
I decided to do this one myself using being bullied and being a victim. So I updated it.
(28 Sep '12, 09:35)
Fairy Princess
I added a link to a video showing how to do THT and a video showing the EZ Deletion Sequence.
(29 Sep '12, 16:55)
Fairy Princess
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They are there for a reason. To teach u a lesson about somthing. It is a way to teach u about an imbalance that u have. Most of the time with bullies it is one of a couple things. It is your belief that people are bad and always fight with u for no reason. It is that you have an issue with standing up to others. It is that you are forcing others to follow ur ideas and ways and bastardize them if they do not, It can be that u have hard time loving the people who hurt you. OR it can that you need to help them and they are brought to you. It can be any of these. Best way to prevent this is easy. Find out what it is that u lack in your life. Love them no matter what. Try to reach out to them. And do not judge them, for all u know they could be being sexually abused and displacing this pain to others. If this is the case, do not pity them. If u do u only re-enforce the idea that they are not acceptable as they are and they are wrong. This adds to the feeling of wrongness and imbalance within urself as u see them to be wrong. Love them and see them for who they are, and look deep within. to see what UR imbalance is. I think this is best. love n light rob |
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@Peplumen- Here is a similar question to ponder. Hope it helps:)
http://www.inwardquest.com/questions/56030/how-to-change-my-vibration-and-remain-strong-despite-co-workers-bullying-and-hating-me
bullies have their reward in this world only.remember darkness does not enter the light.they have free will and are responsible of it and so have you,why would you not be at peace with your self and other? so let there be light, be the light that you can be, experience and enjoy.