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I meet many people who have a starting relationship with someone, everything is going fine, they feel and share the love, but at some times, when they are apart from each others, when there is physical distance between them, they feel sad and go in a "I miss you" pattern that doesn't feel good. Now, to me, if your relationship is a bliss and is though tainted with sadness or feeling of lack during the other's absence, it's here to trigger something to keep the other person, presumably because there is a doubt about that love or about trust in the other (which then tells us it's not true love). I would like to have your point of view to have a better answer to that question. There can't be a negative feeling within love, so people experiencing this feeling of sadness and missing should investigate in that bad feeling. And so I want to help them with that. In other words, why would they spoil the good love feelings with sadness and feeling of lack ? Thank you.
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The answer to this question is clear; transform the relationship from ego based to soul based; In an ego based relationship we feel sad and needy for love when the other person is absent, we feel insecure and need the physical reassuring presence of the person, we need their approval, we are focused on what we are not getting ... in a soul based relationship we feel completely loved no matter what the other person is doing, we feel whole and secure and we love our-self, we enjoy and encourage our friend to spend time with others, we are focused on what we are receiving from our partner.
@ru bis : I understand very well. So what's your favorite method to make this transformation ? That way your answer would be whole.
(28 Feb '13, 05:01)
Yva
@Yva - after years of "sentimental warfare" lol, we come to accept unconditional love :)
(28 Feb '13, 10:39)
ru bis
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You can't love unconditionally w/o loving yourself first & trust factors into this & that too begins with you. You have to love & trust yourself first ~ then accept & allow yourself to receive love before you can really give unconditional love.
(01 Mar '13, 04:21)
ele
i think this writing suits well to this: "Marriage, among the mass of the people, is a physical bond, and this union can only be temporary, since it is foredoomed to a physical separation at the close. Among the people of Bahá, however, marriage must be a union of the body and of the spirit as well, for here both husband and wife are aglow with the same wine, both are enamoured of the same matchless Face, both live and move through the same spirit, ...
(07 Mar '13, 05:48)
vm1992
both are illumined by the same glory. This connection between them is a spiritual one, hence it is a bond that will abide forever. Likewise do they enjoy strong and lasting ties in the physical world as well, for if the marriage is based both on the spirit and the body, that union is a true one, hence it will endure. If, however, the bond is physical and nothing more, it is sure to be only temporary, and must inexorably end in separation. ...
(07 Mar '13, 05:49)
vm1992
When, therefore, the people of Bahá undertake to marry, the union must be a true relationship, a spiritual coming together as well as a physical one, so that throughout every phase of life, and in all the worlds of God, their union will endure; for this real oneness is a gleaming out of the love of God. In the same way, when any souls grow to be true believers, they will attain a spiritual relationship with one another, and show forth a tenderness which is not of this world. ...
(07 Mar '13, 05:49)
vm1992
They will, all of them, become elated from a draught of divine love, and that union of theirs, that connection, will also abide forever. Souls, that is, who will consign their own selves to oblivion, strip from themselves the defects of humankind, and unchain themselves from human bondage, will beyond any doubt be illumined with the heavenly splendours of oneness, and will all attain unto real union in the world that dieth not."
(07 Mar '13, 05:49)
vm1992
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Exactly. Love by nature is unconditional. But we put conditions on it such as "I love him/her, because he/she is has a character that I like" or in other words "I love him/her because she/he behaves the way I want. But if he/she stops behaving that way, I will stop loving her/him". That's putting conditions on love. For example let's say you love a person because you think that he/she is tolerant, trustworthy, caring, faithful etc. But if this person suddenly doesn't behave the way you want him to behave, you don't love him anymore. If your love were unconditional you would love him/her even if he/she would cheat on you, insult you or even beat you. This kind of love would be unconditional. That's the kind of love which Jesus talked about. Love even your enemies unconditionally. But why we have the need to put conditions on love? The simple answer is because we feel imcomplete. So we try to fill the gap in us with things that are outside of us. We say
The list goes on and on. What's the solution? Just 4 words. Get into the vortex! Because when we are in the vortex we are in the most complete, unconditionally loving state. In the vortex there is no need to put conditions on anything because you feel utterly complete. You love every person, pet, stone, tree and yourself unconditionally. You feel complete and everything flows just easily. It is a state of bliss. Which process can help to get into the vortex when you feel sad and miss someone? I would recommend Abraham's "Which thought feels better?" process. Because it
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Yes great wonderful answer! I also feel just being in the vortex is the key to everything. Then i dont ask all these different complicated questions ...
(28 Feb '13, 13:13)
abrahamloa
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hi..Yva.. i completely understand ur condition..as m in same sort of relationship with my love. but, i can say..ours is a soul based relationship..as we both spend time with our friends n we both don't hamper each other's freedom too. i also miss him sometimes n the feeling is really bad..so i can relate with u. so..,what i am doin..,at these times,i keep myself bogged up in some work, i work for the whole day, i hang out with ma friends, play with kids. in short..i keep myself busy all the time. i don't give myself any time to miss him. above all, i keep this in my mind all the time..tht i truely love him n he's all mine..no matter what n he truely loves me ..no matter what ..so, its all unconditional..,its soul based. instead of thinking negative..,be more positive rather.., i alwayz think tht its good..,tht we are in long distance relationship. it tells me how much he misses me n how much he loves me n vise a versa. otherwise ,i have seen such couples also..tht meet up daily n strt taking each other for granted. they loose importance for each other..,there is nothing new left in their relationship. but, see we have lot many new things to plan..like wat we l do ,wen we l meet our loved one..n many things ahead. one more advantage of long distance relationship is.., what ever we do is..quality based, means we spend quality time with each other, we chat..tht too is quality chating, quality talking n etc. all i wanna say is..- just keep urself busy for the whole day. try to feel his presence instead of his absence. be yourself as much as u could. enjoy ur own company. hang out with friends. have atleast two guys...behind u..for side by side dating..lolzz..,it distracts ur foccuss from him n u actually kinda forget him for tht time. n u know, forgetting is best method of manifesting. don't worry about him and this relationship. just love him tightly (ofcose in ur mind) n let God handle ur future. let the relationship unfold itself. if he is ur's..,and if u both are in God's plan together.., he will soon come to u as soon as possible n if no, then u will find someone far better than him ...,cos watever we desire we alwayz get..,so one thing is sure u have to get that true n unconditional love from one or the other guy. so..why worry..? leave everything on God n let him handle ur affair. u need nt worry whether other one loves u in return or not. never ask for love..love comes n it comes a thousand fold. u go on giving it n it comes. the more u can give away love to ur partner, the more love u will receive back from ur mate n entire universe. this is alwayz true..thanks to law of attraction and other universal laws. watever u give out comes back to u thousand fold. as others feel the vibration of love, their hearts expand n unconciously they send the high frequency of love back to u. its just something tht naturally occurs. so rest assured, when u surrender to love and give unconditionally , u l experience the kind of love n respect u have been searching for. i alwayz keep in mind the beautiful love story of jai-wade, they both too belong to IQ ..,u must be knowng them. they too were in long distance relationship. but, see now they are happily living together. n they proved tht, "if u truely love each other, if u both are meant to be together..then, the time n distance dissolves n they are reunited for forever...,no matter what. " dear..darlingg , the distance is nothing but, a test of ur love... and if u pass this test... u l just get one answer... "TRUE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE..." so, just surrender urself to tht true unconditional love n be patient. and..watch what happens.. i hope i have helped in some way.. love,light n blessings ur wayy.. supergirl.. :)) @supergirl : Indeed, this is exactly what it is, your answer to yourself (and I'm saying this with no judgment of course). It's not "my condition", and I wasn't referring to long distance relationships at all, but the mere fact to be apart from a few days or so. However, I'm glad you gave answers to yourself. I send you Love & Light :)
(28 Feb '13, 14:04)
Yva
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Because the "good love" feeling is just a short-time remedy for the sadness that was within them long before they met the other person. And bleeding wound will bleed, no matter how many patches you put on it, unless the consistency of the blood itself is high enough to stop bleeding.
I would not care to "help" anyone in these cases, but obviously you have a reason within yourself that makes you want to help them. So here's a hint on how to understand what's going on....
...for every A there is an opposite B. If you love A, you automatically hate B, if you cling to A, you automatically fear B. If you look for objects - A vs B. And for the verbs that goes with them e.g. love vs hate. You shall understand every trouble people have.
If you want something (want A), it's because you have B. You want to feel loved, because you have feeling of being hated. Want success, because you have failure, etc. Not to play a word game, words have vast meanings and their...
...opposites are not always clear. But once you find the one fitting the situation, it'll ring the bell.
So to answer How do we overcome the sadness and the feeling of missing someone when being apart in a relationship? Is to understand that it's simple scenario of "the patch is gone, and the wound keeps on bleeding".
And these wounds are deep, people won't talk nor admit to them, because of fear of being sized up. Because paradoxically, these wounds generate need for being accepted...
...but opening up and starting to talk about them will often times get you rejected in some way instead. It's counter intuitive. But to be loved, you must be fine with being hated. To be accepted, you must be OK with being rejected. To live you must be OK with dying any moment.
But anyway, even if you know and understand all this, point it out to them.People have to heal their own wounds. Most of the time they'll just be in denial about them. It takes brutally honest person, and those are rare.
So I'd suggest you leave them be, and go on with your own show.
@Yva- u knw before few days, i was about to ask this question. n see today..,i gave answer to myself..lolzz...
Maybe his vortex is his gf. He said it was bliss. Everyone's way of getting into the vortex is different. He misses that feeling when he's not with her & perhaps thats the 'lack' he feels. Some couples love being together 24/7. Your judging ~ just because it isn't what you or I desire doesn't mean it's not right for him. I suggest cohabitation might be the next logical step. Perhaps a spiritual partnership is what he's seeking.