I'm a writer. A little while ago, I re-read a draft of something I worked very, very hard on a year or so ago, when I was going through a pretty un-Vortexy life phase. I had kind of forgotten about the draft, but I think assumed that because I had sweated blood over it, beat a deadline, just worked really, really, really hard, that it would be pretty good.

Well! You can probably see this coming, but it was in fact not pretty good. That is, it was fine, but it had no spark. It felt sterile and bland and just not very wonderful. That's okay, because I've been able to see what it would like to be, but the whole experience made me rethink all kinds of things.

I know it's pretty elemental to any kind of deliberate creation that if you are creating from a place of lack and pressure and trying to please others, you're not going to like what you get. I have certainly learned from this experience that you cannot force the state of flow, that all of my (creative) solutions are indeed in the vortex, and that if I want to consistently love the results of my work, it's important that I learn a new way of doing the work, one that is centered on connection and inspiration instead of forcing my way through it... and one that leaves the opinions of others out of the equation.

So that all sounds great. But. But! (You knew there was a but.) Over time, I've developed a way of writing that is practically-oriented. First write the outline, then write X words until it's done. The idea of surfing the waves of inspiration feels quite alarming to me, to be honest! I mean, on the one hand, I obviously embrace that idea, that there's no lack, that if I can get my own vibration high enough, all the stories that want to be told will just flow to me without any struggle. But on the other hand, this is my job! It feels quite scary to just wait for inspiration. What if none comes? What if I become a very, very slow writer? What if I can't make enough money as my new, slow-writing self? So much of being a writer is a crapshoot that I've always taken a lot of solace in the idea that the one thing I can absolutely control is how much I write. And this new idea feels like a big departure from that, and I'd like to find some soothing ways to think about it.

I'm sure this sounds like some serious arguing for my limitations, but the kind of work I do is not really like you go off to your cabin and every five years you publish a novel. It's very publish-or-perish: if you can't finish something at least every year, conventional wisdom is that you're dead. I can imagine someone being so relaxed and such a LOA champion that they're like - that's fine, but that doesn't really apply to me, I write a really inspired work every couple of years and it makes enough money that I'm never worried about that stuff, it's all good. But frankly, I'm nowhere near that vibration right now!

I also just really enjoy writing, and the process of figuring out a work. That feels very satisfying to me, and I think I'm a little worried about trying this very different approach where there's much less staring at the screen and nose to the grindstone. I know there must be a balanced way to approach this, where one gets in the Vortex first and then does creative work, a way where I don't feel like I'm passively waiting around for inspiration to strike, but where it's somewhat systematic.

Does this resonate for anyone? I'd love to hear how you approach things!