Beloved, your desire to learn and understand is opening your eyes to things around you that no longer serve you. This conflict, between your old understanding and the new you,may be interpreted as negative experiences, in reality it is the shedding of the old in order to welcome the new. Negative experiences are perfect tools to help with our growth. So you can choose to view them as catastrophes or a great opportunity for you to learn.

Listen to your heart.You feel a strong need to analyze and learn, so follow through with it. When you catch up with the new you (when you are ready to accept who you've become) everything will fall into place.

Good Luck, and don't forget to have fun! namaste

I fully get where you're coming from I Think Therefore I Am. I think each of us can only speak from a personal perspective on this one and I know from my experience that since choosing to awaken, my life experience has certainly been a bit of a rollercoaster.

I'm not going to use the word lesson as Stingray and I have a bit of an ongoing debate around that word so instead I'm choosing to use the word gift. Crazy as that sounds, I really do believe that every negative experience we have is a gift pointing us in the right direction. When we choose to wake up and ask for the Truth, we have to bring forth from within those parts of our being that were not working so we can transform them into a new way of being that does work.By doing this we are really inviting those negative experiences into our life to show us how holding those thoughts and beliefs doesn't serve us and Now it is time to let them go.

Unfortunately those old ways of being are so ingrained that they actually hold a measure of comfort for us even though they may be dysfunctional and don't serve our higher self. When we bring them to the surface to let go we often feel very uncomfortable and hence create a lot of resistance and fear but just a willingness to step back and look at what the situation is trying to teach us often creates enough awareness to at least make a little bit of a shift in our way of thinking.

I,too, have been one that tends to take the analytical approach but I am coming to realize more and more that it's really about nurturing that seed of faith that has been sown and eliminating that voice of doubt. I believe once we have even a glimmer of hope (which you sure do), we can grasp that thread and begin weaving whatever type of garment we wish.

As daniele points out, you can't catch up with that new you until you're willing to let go of the old you. I think at time the process can seem long and we often make it harder on ourselves than we need to by over-analyzing. However, just keep telling yourself that you're on the right track (because you are) - you probably will run into mountains and valleys along the way but go within and draw from that deeper place of knowing that everything is in Divine order, this will help strenghten your faith - it will all work out.

As Stingray pointed out, I think on that deeper level you realize that you do want to be free of approval. Often our childhood conditioning has such an strong hold on our subconscious beliefs that it can be quite a slow process firstly creating the awareness to perceive how they operate in our lives and secondly, having the conviction and strength to dismantle them and let them go, but perseverance and a determination to not give up until you have realized your own Truth will carry you through.

Congratulate yourself for every little hurdle you get over and for being here asking and growing - we're all in this together and I celebrate your progress.

And as danielle said - don't forget to have fun, we often forget to do that:)

Is it possible that the negativity you are experiencing is as a result of your own resistance to change? As we grow spritually, changes will occur in our lives.