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Through caring atleast enough about how I feel, I have managed to boil down the problem I need some guidance and help with to this one statement- I have a low grade, ever constant buzzing going on in my body, that keeps expecting negative outcomes/comments/opinions/judgements from my husband. I can very clearly separate this feeling from everything else. I keep reinforcing this outcome by observing and feeling the same way over and over. My husband tends to react dramatically at almost everything, and I have always been swept away by his outbursts and found it hard to not react. Usually my reaction involves intense anger which I bottle up, then fear that he is thinking negatively about me, and the desire to put things "right" right away and moving on from the problem. I very clearly see that in letting go of my reactions, lies the solution. But I am a little stuck, I am staying good humored through this exercise. But I think its very annoying and keeping me from living the life I believe I am very deserving and capable of. Please share your guidance with me, how can I let go of caring so much about what he thinks of me, and my choices as an individual, wife and mother. Thank you so much, Shakun
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"I can very clearly separate this feeling from everything else. I keep reinforcing this outcome by observing and feeling the same way over and over." This is one of the hardest things to cope with on important subjects in our life. LOA will keep bringing you what you have active and we tend, as humans, to keep active what we SEE. On a more positive note, I have taken a relationship that was at the bottom of the EGS to the top of the scale but it is a long process and does take a commitment to imagine rather than observe. There is nothing that your husband is doing that is creating your fear and anger. All that is happening is when you are focusing on him you are triggering thoughts that your inner being disagrees with, and you feel that separation from your IB as negative emotion. Your IB sees your husband as perfect in every single way, no flaws or faults. He is a Being made in love and is love and if you don't see that when you look at him you are effectively disagreeing with your IB. Your IB and physical You then separate whilst you think the negative thoughts because your IB won't join you in those negative thoughts. So You feel that loss of your IB & Source as negative emotion. And, of course, because you are feeling the negative emotion whilst observing your husband you attribute your negative feelings to him, but it's never about anyone else. It's always about what YOU are thinking about and whether your IB agrees with your thought or not. Life is a conversation between you and your IB. As subjects pop up in your life you observe and think a thought. If you think a positive thought your IB says "Yes, I agree let's feel good in this moment together". If you think a negative thought, your IB says "I don't agree with that I'm going over here for a minute away from you" as soon as your IB moves away from you you feel negative emotion. It's a long road to take practiced thoughts at the bottom of the scale to the top of the scale. It will happen in shifts and you can monitor your progress by starting a focus block and climbing the scale day by day. @Stingray has many posts and videos on focus blocks and how they work, so take a look at those. In a nutshell, you are going to have to learn to think love-based thoughts when you observe your husband. To try to conjure the love thought-feeling that you're aiming for in your relationships, it helps to look at a kitten or a baby and see how your love-based , positive thoughts about them trigger the happy feeling that floods your body. That feeling is YOU agreeing with your IB, thinking the same thoughts at the same time, you are united and whole in that moment. EDIT Babies, kittens etc. make it easy for you to observe and think positive thoughts.** The aim of life is to try to agree with your IB/Source on as many subjects as you can and then you will feel the feeling you get looking at a baby all day every day, whatever is in front of you. Start a focus block, don't beat yourself up when you fall down the EGS as you try to move up on this subject. If you need an example of this being possible in order to believe in it I can tell you that I have moved a relationship from the bottom to the top of the EGS, and the relationship is loving and wonderful! Begin your 'work' today, which is imagining your perfect, loving, wonderful-in-every-way husband. As soon as that feeling is dominant in you, your husband will have no choice but to act in a loving way back to you, as you can only ever attract from someone what YOU are thinking/vibrating. Good luck! :) 3
Hi Yes, That is such a beautiful reply! So simple, it is ike you wrote it knowing me, in the best way I could perceive it.
(09 Feb '16, 11:56)
Nikki777
"There is nothing your husband is doing to create the fear and anger. It is all in your inner being." Ok. But is it even 1% possible her husband may just be a personality disordered controlling person? Maybe the fear and anger are very healthy signals that something is wrong? Here's a focus block for you Nikki: MOVE, grief, and maintain your personal dignity
(12 Feb '16, 20:09)
Nikulas
1
@Nikulas, "But is it even 1% possible her husband may just be a personality disordered controlling person?" You are a vibrational being and you can only attract from another what you are a vibrational match to. If @Nikki777's husband is a "personality disordered controlling person" he can be that way with every person he meets but in order for @Nikki777 to draw that from him she has to be attracting it. A "serial killer" could be out on a murder spree but if you are in the vortex and happy...
(12 Feb '16, 20:30)
Yes
1
... and joyful you are not vibrating on his frequency so he would either meet you and be kind to you - you would have to attract joy from him - or he would just not appear in your experience at all. If the killer is vibrating hate and anger he can only match up, be drawn to, another human vibrating on a similar frequency. If you are vibrating love & joy you can only find people, places, things that are akin to love/joy. It's not possible to match up love with hate, low vibes with high vibes.
(12 Feb '16, 20:33)
Yes
1
We are matched up with experiences every day based on attraction. You can find evidence of this all the time, sometimes dramatically. Read all the stories of people who on 9/11 slept late and didn't make it to the office, or had meetings cancelled, got bumped from their flight etc. If something is showing up in your experience then you are a match to it. So if you don't like something, work out the patterns of thoughts (and feelings) that are attracting it and shift them to something you prefer.
(12 Feb '16, 20:40)
Yes
@yes I disagree. A healthy person that met with someone who was a serial killer, yes I agree, wouldn't be in their reality...because that healthy person would tell em to get lost or report them to the police. Or just wouldn't be an easy victim based on their behaviour of showing absolute disapproval to their poor or manipulative behaviour.
(12 Feb '16, 23:59)
Nikulas
My point is, they would still be dealing with that person in some sort of way, and most likely, the healthy person would feel fear/anxiety/adrenaline/anger and use it as a means of keeping their reality as free of that bad energy as possible. They are not immune to every feeling aside from happiness and love. They will most likely experience different emotion to warn them of such a hostile person and as a means of protection.
(13 Feb '16, 00:22)
Nikulas
1
@Nikulas, you are still living in a very physical world where you believe what you are experiencing is random and based on those observations you experience your emotions. In other words, you believe your emotions are out of your personal control. There is nothing wrong with this, it's all wanted experience. However, it is possible to live a more 'unconditional' life where you generate your own emotions based on internal thought moulding. By doing this you have more control over your life.....
(13 Feb '16, 04:51)
Yes
..then you also don't have to feel negative emotions. Negative emotion only comes in response to a negative thought. (explained in my answer above) If you control, control is the wrong word, if you GUIDE your thoughts to only thinking positive thoughts all the time, those thoughts trigger positive emotions and those positive emotions attract all the 'stuff' you have put in your vortex. I can honestly say that I do not felt fear, worry or anxiety at all and I'm living all of my dreams now.
(13 Feb '16, 04:59)
Yes
So, yes, I am immune from every feeling aside from love and happiness. Because I mould all the subjects in my life until I am thinking thoughts of love and happiness about them. If a new subject comes up that I don't feel instant positive emotion about I change my thoughts quickly. I rarely drop below contentment with my emotions ever. It's actually quite hard to dip because law of attraction is keeping me happy and high. Law of attraction just keeps the momentum going for you, no effort needed.
(13 Feb '16, 05:05)
Yes
@Yes- thankyou for your response. May I ask, what are negative emotions?
(13 Feb '16, 05:27)
Nikulas
@Nikulas there aren't really negative emotions as such. Everything is neutral and our definitions define what we feel. For me, "negative" emotion is anything that feels worse than contentment. If I dip below that I know I am focused on something in a different way than my IB is and I need to shift my thoughts upwards to neutral, enthusiasm, love appreciation etc. Abraham has said that as beings we only ever intended to move from contentment to joy and excitement and back never dipping below that
(13 Feb '16, 07:04)
Yes
@Yes. You f hypocrite. In the earlier comment you clearly mentioned negative thought and emotion, and here you are saying it is all subjective. I hope you realise I dont give a **** about Abraham If all you feel is love and contentment and you therefore cannot be a vibrational match to anything else, here is proof: **** you and your egotistical opinions. I am clearly dealing with an irrational child that will refuse to look at truth in its ugliness.
(13 Feb '16, 07:25)
Nikulas
@Yes. I wish you would use your free thinking and not be dragged down by a cult style following. The number one sign of a cult is that a follower will disregard all other information and attempt to persuade people to follow their beliefs. I would way prefer to lie to myself and belief **** of attraction than see space monkey minded, blind followers like yourself that lack the skill to think autonomously. You are a slave.
(13 Feb '16, 07:29)
Nikulas
@Yes. And a vibrational match to this abuse. Which is what I am giving you- abuse. You have just attracted that. Now send me love energy back please and while youre at it, I could use some compliments.
(13 Feb '16, 07:31)
Nikulas
@Nikulas, you want compliments. Where shall I start... the fact that you are on this website proves that you have "attracted" ideas and ways of thinking that much of the world will not accept. I would say you have a clear mind in terms of following instincts and hunches to lead where you need to go, and you have emotional intelligence. You have kindness within you as you have spent lots of free time answering questions to offer help and guidance to others. You are worthy of my love and respect
(13 Feb '16, 11:14)
Yes
3
You are worthy of my love and respect because you are a human being of value. You are @Nikulas and there is not one other person on the planet that has the unique gifts and traits that you have. You are very special! I know that, I hope you know that. I've enjoyed our discussion on here very much and I rarely come on IQ at all these days but here I am chatting to you because you are very interesting indeed.... re: negative emotion....
(13 Feb '16, 11:19)
Yes
...what I meant was everything is essentially neutral. I don't see our conversation thus far as negative or feel abused at all, lively, yes! :) I like lively, lively is good, exchanging ideas is good, meeting new people is good. That's life, that's why we are here. In terms of what emotions feel good (positive) and what emotions feel bad (negative), have a look at the EGS image, negative emotion is anything below contentment. I haven't felt any negative emotion talking to you at all. It was fun!
(13 Feb '16, 11:21)
Yes
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(13 Feb '16, 12:31)
WeRadiateBeauty
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Omg, I just want to peck @Yes 's face with my kisses that leave little tickles all over her skin and endearingly noogie @Nikulas like I did my little brother whenever he brought home a new football trophy. I love you guys so much <3 :)
(13 Feb '16, 19:20)
WeRadiateBeauty
You are avoiding my discussion. And you have ignored my comments of abuse to you. To me, enough said. In an online forum, of course you can respond this way. In real life, I am curious to see how you'd respond to such behaviour. This worries me.
(13 Feb '16, 19:31)
Nikulas
You have also judged me and my intentions of coming on here as well. Judgements, whether good or bad, are still controlling. **** your comments
(13 Feb '16, 19:32)
Nikulas
@WeRadiateBeauty @Nikulas love you too! :) .... @Nikki777 Another practical tip to help you: gather photos of your husband as a child and stare at them, that can trigger the love feelings on the subject of him and you only need a little taste of that vibration to activate it and get some momentum going.
(09 Apr '16, 13:43)
Yes
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I think what's keeping you stuck is your belief that you should not be angry when something happens that naturally triggers your anger. I'm like a slightly broken record on IQ on this teacher, but I've found Melody Fletcher very practical and very helpful in working through similar issues myself. IMO, huge numbers of women in particular are socialized to drastically suppress their anger - the problem here is that anger is the emotion that gets you out of powerlessness and starts your trip back to empoweredness. So if we punish ourselves for feeling flares of anger when someone is mean to us (when, IMO, it's totally reasonable to feel annoyed!) we keep ourselves stuck in what Melody calls the "cycle of doom": something that happens that gets you mad, you briefly feel anger, you then start suppressing it ("I should be nice") or explaining the other person's behavior away, and you sink back into powerlessness. If you think of it this way, the anger isn't a problem. Even your husband's behavior is not "a problem", it's just something you don't like that triggers your natural anger. On the other side of that anger is FREEDOM and change. But you have to be willing to actually experience the anger to get through it, is my experience. This is hard for people, particularly women, to do. But you can learn to do it, and when you do, it opens things up for you. You start to feel feisty. You stop expecting that it's okay for people to step on you and blow past your boundaries. You remember that you are a good person who is perfectly entitled to have standards for how you're treated, and having standards for how you're treated is one step on the path to self-empowerment. You start to respect yourself, and that vibration draws respectful behavior from others. Now the thing is, you don't have to get angry AT your husband. Who cares. Totally pointless. The thing to do, I think (from personal experience) is to wait until you're alone, get a piece of paper, and let your anger rip. Afterward you can burn or shred the paper, you never have to talk to him about it. But that feeling of being allowed to feel angry at people treating you poorly will stay with you and start to shift things. Here's some links from Melody Fletcher's blog/youtube channel on this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9DmYfvSOvEg http://www.deliberatereceiving.com/power-of-anger.html#axzz3zdJtzy8Q http://www.deliberateblog.com/2012/12/11/the-dos-and-donts-of-anger/ She teaches - and I am finally coming to see just how true this is - that anger is a really misunderstood emotion. I personally think this is really important to hear for many women, who've learned to absorb all the negativity around them. How many wives have learned to adopt a cringing attitude when their husband is stomping around angrily? It doesn't mean that the husband is wrong for his own feelings, but suppressing your natural response leads to bad vibes for you, you know? 1
Hi @corduroypower I'm glad you mentioned the works of Melody Fletcher, I enjoy her amusing style and find her book "Deliberate Receiving" useful.
(08 Feb '16, 23:43)
jaz
1
Thank you so much, I will be looking into Melody Fletcher and let you know how it goes! Shakun
(09 Feb '16, 11:59)
Nikki777
@Jaz - me too! Her book is really practical and has been really helpful to me. I'd recommend it to anyone.
(12 Feb '16, 14:20)
corduroypower
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Although not an expert in Byron Katie, I urge you to look at her work. She helps people come to peace with what is, with reality. I think many of us in your situation would say "My husband shouldn't be reacting so dramatically and his behavoir is causing the buzzing in my head." You seem to know that only you can change in this situation but for the sake of argument you could try filling out a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet ( http://thework.com/sites/thework/downloads/worksheets/JudgeYourNeighbor_Worksheet.pdf) and go through the process of getting to peace. There are lots of youtube videos of her also. Here's one where the husband is critical. If it doesn't help, search for Byron Katie relationship work: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rW3fVfdbA7w&index=10&list=PL34BC5B0FB0DECA0C Wishing you the best,
Purple Thank you so much Purple! I will definitely be checking out Bryon Katie :) .
(09 Feb '16, 11:57)
Nikki777
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your husband is human and so are you. he got outburst of anger and you said that you have some anger also. he is not perfect and you are not perfect either. it could be some bad experience in this world that is not perfect also. you see no one is perfect in this world and this world sell you dream as you see on tv and in women magazine the perfect man, the perfect life, the perfect house, the perfect car etc.. it is also the same for men but men are a little more logical and less emotional in general and have lower expectation then the so call perfect world(dream world sell to the mass). the truth is that every one makes error and no one is perfect and every one should work on them self and have mercy for other at the place of always getting angry because they make error. Why because you will probably make the same error or other error even more worse as you do to other, they will also do to you. so at the place of getting angry and judging other. get to know your self, then get to know other. judge not and you shall not be judge. have mercy on other as you would like to have mercy your self. you are angry take some air remove your self from the thing or person that irritate you. take time to make the correct decision about the situation at hand and make the proper decision. you have free will and are responsible of it. as for fear and negative expectation. there is nothing to fear. people fear lots of stuff but it will happen any way. example people fear to die. well every one in this world will die one day the physical body is not made to last for ever. fear is ignorance people fear what they don't know or do not want to know. fear is also sign that there is a danger and to be careful. so people are afraid of the element water, fire: because they do not know about it and are in ignorance. lets take fire for example it can keep you worm or cook your food, it can also burn you. the question is will you always run from the fire being afraid in ignorance or will you learn more about the fire so it does not scare you as much? also some people like to scare people to get what they want. those look scary and act bad but in fact they are playing with people fear to get what they want. do not fall to that and scare your self for nothing. know your self then know other then you will know why they do what they do. you will doing so move from fear and ignorance to understanding and knowledge. Let there be light, Be the light that you can be, Experience and enjoy. Thoroughly disagree white tiger. From the post she has typed, I depict an abusive and controlling person. Your post states to allow it by forgiving him. It is an excuse for not having boundaries. My opinion face stands the same: Ditch him, and distance yourself from anyone that doesn't respect you.
(12 Feb '16, 08:26)
Nikulas
@Nikulas having 2 person acting out of anger will it solve anything? she said it in her post read it again. she wrote:I have always been swept away by his outbursts and found it hard to not react. Usually my reaction involves intense anger which I bottle up, they both have the same issue. (anger) they are both face of the same coin one exteriorize and the other interiorize the anger. the fact is that they both act from the same standing point then how can they blame the other from acting from-
(18 Feb '16, 21:17)
white tiger
the same place that they do? you see he is not perfect and she is not perfect either. it is a lot easier to blame the other and not solve or work on our own problem or the shared problem or issue. better start by knowing one self and cleaning the inside of the cup rather then look out side of the cup and clean only the outside of the cup so that it might appear clean. will also say can she distance herself from herself?
(18 Feb '16, 21:26)
white tiger
if she act from anger that she bottle inside is she respecting her self and other? is she not enough divided in herself with out putting more distance? the outside circonstance only reflect the inside with a little more false cleaning. as for boundary she as free will like every one else and she can determine that herself.
(18 Feb '16, 21:34)
white tiger
of course if she cannot forgive herself and admit her own problem and work on it. then we are having this talk for nothing since it will change nothing for her. if she is able to forgive her self and work on her issue then this talk with help her. it is also the same for her husband. for the husband it is the same as her. he also need to work on himself. having outburst of anger to scare people and get what you want is not good. eventually people will have enough of the barking dog-
(19 Feb '16, 01:20)
white tiger
that bark for nothing. eventually he will learn that you can get better result by talking to people then screaming at them not every one needs to be scream at to understand. maybe the model in this world that he took where people that scream and try to play with people fear to get thing done. also not good for your self and other.
(19 Feb '16, 01:24)
white tiger
@Nikulas you depict an abusive and controlling person. the question is: why is he abusive and controlling? is it of is own free will? is it a mistake that made him like this? did he inherit this from a model? or does he do this only out from is little ego? where does it come from? those are the most important question to ask to be able to change the issue to solve the problem. you see if the person as no free will and do not know that what they do is bad for them self and other, you can't-
(19 Feb '16, 02:00)
white tiger
blame them for the way they act or the choice they make. if they know it is bad for them and other and decide to do it any way for their little ego then they have the full responsibility of their action. know this many are abusive in controlling in this world and they all have a chance for a little while to work on them self. Some go by the world and some do not conform to this world. And, behold, there are last which shall be first, and there are first which shall be last.
(19 Feb '16, 02:08)
white tiger
Why is he abusive? Guess what, **** knuckle, for the person getting the abuse, it should not matter. Actually, it doesn't; receive the abuse,then get that person out of your life asap. Trying to figure out why the person is the way they are is as irrelevant. Maybe theyre an *. Maybe they learned it. Maybe its a personality disorder. Doesn't matter- youre getting abuse so move. Rationalising is an excuse for staying in the relationship.
(20 Feb '16, 06:24)
Nikulas
I am shocked and disgusting that other people are advising that this is her issue and problem. Its not. Its his. Its her responsibility for deciding how she wants to take his unfair and disrespectful treatment. She can rationalise a way why he is the way he is, or, she can commit to not tolerating the behaviour from anyone and distance herself from him. This is just plain obvious, yes I'm making a judgement, but I think some sanity is needed and its time to FACE REALITY
(20 Feb '16, 06:27)
Nikulas
@Nikulas could it be that he as also been abuse? then he is as much a victim as she is. the problem is that he does the same. to other on the outside. and she does it to her self on the inside. is it irrelevant? then why talk about it? is it really sanity to not understand our self and other? to not show mercy to our self and other? they are 2 in that couple and they have their own share of responsibility. they can help them self and each other or make the choice to move on. the think is they-
(20 Feb '16, 14:07)
white tiger
1
will find someone that is the same or even worse after ward if they do not solve their own issue first. why do you think that people follow the same pattern? http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mary-montero/is-history-repeating-itse_b_672518.html
(20 Feb '16, 14:13)
white tiger
will add this you are always trying to negate her responsibility in the couple. I do not find that healthy do you? you are acting like a protective mother that want to protect her child and will not hear anything that is wrong with the child. or like a female that do not want to see anything wrong about how other female are. like you would talk about a female criminal and you would say it was not her fault. even when there is proof to show that she did the crime.
(20 Feb '16, 14:22)
white tiger
I do not blame you for this just bringing it to your awareness. know this: it is not because she is female that she as no responsibility and can never do something wrong. there is no one perfect in this world. you are not the only person that does this. but take the case of Karla Homolka she was a rapist and a killer. she got a plea bargain as being a poor victim force to participate in the rape crime. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karla_Homolka
(20 Feb '16, 14:25)
white tiger
in fact she was rapist and killer the husband was rapist only. yet she played the poor victim and got a plea bargain. when they saw the tape they saw the error they made she was not a victim at all.
(20 Feb '16, 14:41)
white tiger
I have no clue what your point is or what youre on about. I get the impression you've totally dismissed and discounted everything I have said and are ignoring the facts. I'm done with you mate.
(20 Feb '16, 21:43)
Nikulas
Self-responsibility is the essence of Ho'oponopono. It's not about blaming the self, but recognizing our part in all that we experience. If separation serves, it will happen, but while in the relationship, we do our best to love and forgive all concerned, including the self. Only then are we ready to move on, if that is what is meant to be.
(21 Feb '16, 22:22)
Delphine
We were not discussing your prayer. And claiming your prayer works, well let me rephrase that very more on point. When you say it works, what youre actually saying is that it works for you. I know its an old prayer and good intentions with it, but please, do not go inserting your irrelevant hopeful viewpoint into a context totally unrelated.
(23 Feb '16, 07:16)
Nikulas
I have to wonder what you are doing on this board. You show no understanding at all of the inward quest. I get the feeling you didn't even read the OP's post. She was requesting guidance: "I very clearly see that in letting go of my reactions, lies the solution...Please share your guidance with me, how can I let go of caring so much about what he thinks of me, and my choices as an individual, wife and mother." She wants to let go. You are encouraging her NOT to let go. Not too helpful!
(26 Feb '16, 00:19)
Delphine
Indeed, well done, I am not encouraging her to let go. I am seeing a red flag, abusive relationship take place here. Knowing and judging her personality type, the poster is likely to assume she is the problem when in reality, her naivety and innocence make her vulnerable to being exploited. I am the "common sense" voice, if you will, just doing this- observing there is a huge problem and explaining that to the poster. She may not like this answer, but if anything, it will give perspective.
(26 Feb '16, 09:49)
Nikulas
Noticed that as long as people continue to engage in a debate with me, it is forcing their beliefs to constant re-challenging and reexamination. I honestly have no issues talking with people as long as their conduct is professional and polite. More than eager to respond if necessary.
(26 Feb '16, 09:51)
Nikulas
1
@Nikulas inward quest not out ward. you blame only the husband as being the problem. she decided to be with him. she is one of the face of that same coin. she needs to go inward and deal with our own issue and responsibility. but for you it is only the husband the problem. if the coin is dirty even if you cut the coin in two and throw half of it to the carbage do you still have the value of one coin? or is it better to clean the coin on both side? I know you are done with me and I still come -
(26 Feb '16, 15:12)
white tiger
out of the carbage where you are trying to throw me. I must be the truth that you are not ready to ear. for you all women have no responsibility it is always the fault of those bad men. even dog have responsibility to not do their dirt in the house. so I would not see why women would have no responsibility. are not women better then pet?
(26 Feb '16, 15:17)
white tiger
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Plus, they will naturally separate when the time is right, if their vibrations are truly no longer in sync. How much better for all concerned if this can happen in an atmosphere of love and forgiveness than of criticism and blame.
(26 Feb '16, 15:30)
Delphine
Simon Peter said to them, "Make Mary leave us, for females don't deserve life." Jesus said, "Look, I will guide her to make her male, so that she too may become a living spirit resembling you males. For every female who makes herself male will enter the kingdom of Heaven."
(26 Feb '16, 15:35)
white tiger
Haha no you guys are right. Once their vibrations are not the same it will just naturally end.
(26 Feb '16, 17:20)
Nikulas
Have you found the beginning, then, that you are looking for the end? You see, the end will be where the beginning is. Congratulations to the one who stands at the beginning: that one will know the end and will not taste death."
(26 Feb '16, 18:06)
white tiger
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Ho'oponopono works. You don't know Ho'oponopono? You might start here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/focus-forgiveness/201105/the-hawaiian-secret-forgiveness Some possible statements for you to choose from: Say silently or out loud, LIGHTSWITCH~FLYPAPER~I LOVE YOU~THANK YOU during an interaction or afterwards. Saying God bless you~I love you silently over and over during or after a conflict with another cleans what is causing it, and miracles can happen. I am sorry, please forgive me for whatever is going on within me that I am experiencing as pain, problems and resentment in this relationship. Divinity, please clean and erase, the memories and data in me that I am experiencing as suffering and resentment and problems in this relationship. Please cleanse to zero all the memories that are now playing within me causing any stress and negativity. I am sorry, please forgive me for any times I am not seeing this person as the Divine sees them, as perfect. I wish to release any divisive thoughts about this person so I am at peace, at zero, returned to my true self. What's going on in me that's causing this person to bug me? I am sorry, please forgive me for whatever is going on in me that I am being bugged. I am sorry for the erroneous thoughts in me that have caused the problem between us, please forgive me, I love you, thank you. Peace begins with me. 1
Seth gives a great little exercise for a woman whose marriage has become stale. He encourages her to fantasize about a wonderful, attentive lover. This in itself, he said (paraphrasing) would help change her vibe and attract more attentiveness from the husband. These relationship problems are only reinforced when we dwell on them and expect their recurrence. And yes...I've certainly been there :)
(28 Feb '16, 01:52)
Delphine
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From your description, this sounds like an unsupportive partner and your relationship isn't working. This sounds like a narcissist. Go to counselling with HIM.
Tell him you find it really important and meaningful for you if you could both go to see a counsellor, to work on issues so as to be happier and have a better environment for the children.
On gut thought: Make a painful decision and split up.
I have re-read the question, I stand by everything I have said earlier, double the emphasis on distancing yourself from him as much as possible. Break up. Avoid all contact. Grief. Move on and attract a quality man.
Your question made me think of this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6bbuBubZ1yE