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I have been living in conscious awareness of my emotional guidance system for quite some time. It's a fascinating thing to discover and my life has approved a lot, in fact, it's getting better and better. I am in relationship and most of the time when my partner is around me, I already am in the vortex or as soon as we're together, I get aligned because of the good time we have. I'd say, I'm aligned about 70% - 80% of the time when we spend time with each other. I have noticed that sometimes when he does or says something that doesn't please me (nothing major), I have trouble staying aligned or I don't listen to my guidance system, so I respond with an action, that makes us discuss or sometimes fight. I can see that the solution to this is to stay aligned, no matter what happens around me. My question is, after I said or done something that hurt him, he confronts me and we then talk about it and I can rationally see, where I hurt or disappointed him, but when I listen to my inner being, it doesn't agree with him or me, that I did something "wrong". This is giving me a hard time to feel sorry for him or even to apologize. I want to treat my partner well, all the time, but a part of me resists to these actions, because I secretly think that this discussion or fight was a shared manifestation and he has attracted that behavior out of me, like I sometimes attract things out of him that bother me. So I am in a conflict of the guidance my inner being is offering me and the socially expected behavior of feeling sorry for someone when I have unintentionally hurt him. Because after all that I know about the law of attraction, I am his mirror and he is mine, so we are mirroring each other's alignment or misalignment and the beliefs about ourselves, right? Is this a common thing when you're aware of your guidance system? Do you have similar experiences to share here? When I am not happy with something he does, does this mean I am just mirror and he, unconsciously, is not happy with it himself, and I just reflect it back to him? |
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As human beings, it seems the primary way of generating fresh new desires is through relationships with others. I mean the word "relationship" in the broadest sense of meaning any interaction with another human being, or group of human beings. The Master Key System book sums it up pretty well (if you'll excuse the old-style masculine-focused language):
Bearing that in mind, it shouldn't be surprising that it is in the dance of co-creation where the action usually is, vibrationally speaking. And just to add to the mix, many of us carry issues around to do with self-worthiness and the need for approval from others, so it is perhaps almost expected that navigating interactions with others can be a bit of a minefield.
...and what you've said in that quote is the heart of the matter. Unfortunately or fortunately (depending on your point of view), the Law of Attraction doesn't have worthiness issues and doesn't have any need-for-approval :) ...so it just does what it does impersonally, consistently, eternally, regardless of how fair/unfair any particular person might view it in relation to some "fair" code of conduct between human beings. Yes, whatever happened is a shared manifestation or, more accurately, a vibrational rendezvous and, yes, you've both attracted the behavior out of each other. But... And it's a big But...so I'll make it a bit bigger :) ... ...But...
What is happening from a vibrational point of view (focusing on the Abraham-Hicks model) is that your interactions with your partner are generating fresh new desires which cause your joint Vortex to expand. This means the physical place you both are no longer matches up with the previous Vortex (because the original Vortex has become something more) so it seems that the new desires have caused something to go wrong because you both now feel bad, instead of Vortex-aligned like before. But, in fact, the truth is that nothing has gone wrong at all. It's just that you've now got more alignment work to do to align with the newly-expanded joint Vortex which, if you actually do the work, will bring even more thrill, satisfaction and fulfillment to the relationship. Does this mean you both have to do the alignment work? No, just you...because it's your reality. If your partner does not have the vibrational flexibility to come along with you in your improved vibrational "levels", he will find a way to exit your reality (perhaps clattering out) but if he does come along, it will make your relationship even more joyous and fun. From my own observations and experience, a partner that you were initially drawn to when Vortex-aligned usually tends to have enough vibrational flexibility to keep coming along with you (for a while, at least). As for your concern about having to play along with him that you've done something "wrong" when inwardly you know he is attracting it also...well, in my experience, that's just a game you have to play with people sometimes :) Not everyone, in fact not many at all, are yet willing to accept ideas like "You create your own reality" and, for the purposes of the Planet Earth game, it doesn't matter whether they do or not. But for the sake of their own vibrational soothing, I find it's usually better to play along with whatever belief system they have in order to make them feel better in the moment - like when you pretend with kids that Santa Claus really exists.
In the meantime, you go off quietly and buy the presents...errr...no, I mean...you do the vibrational work which causes the real shifts to happen behind the scenes and then you can both take the credit for continuing to have such a great time together :) There's a few thoughts for you to ponder :) 1
Thank you very much for your great answer, @Stingray. There are definitely some thoughts to ponder on. :) It's just great to get to communicate with people like you, who've been where I am right now.
(17 Jun '16, 15:29)
spacemetalfantasy
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Great answer by Stingray, as always. :) I'll add several more points to think about. 1. ALL this situation - everything you told us, including your splitting feelings and work with your Inner Being and Law of Attraction - is an expression of your vibration, too. So you can do your vibrational work in this subject/stream, too, and it will harmonize, too. 2. Separately, you can work (inside) with the need in your elationship to recognize you "hurt him." Why would that be important? Can't you just be compassionate with his feelings whatever was the reason? Why should that "guilt" be a necessary part of it all? 3. Sometimes that "unintentional hurting" of another consists of just choosing to tend to your harmony. It is a fine line between doing this because when you're unhappy, you can give no one anything, so you must tend to yourself first, - and doing it out of some negative expectation of your elationship, it's easier for you to see in each case, what it is, and work with it accordingly. But if this is the first, I'd recommend you also this article I found years ago, absolutely loving it since then: When I'm rereading it, I'm basking in my Inner Being's confirmation. :) 4. Even if you cannot explain the essence of your vibrational work to your partner, maybe you could make it a ritual - when something happens that feels ... not the best way, you could go first and do your vibrational work, and only then speak with your partner. In this case your work could consist of making a list of what you love in him the most (sometimes, I bet, you will see a direct correlation of that with his current behaviour), and also - just finding thoughts that feel better in the moment. I love giving as an example my first focus delight, it's the most general and perfect for such situations: Happy elationship to you! :) Thank you, @Olga Farber for your nice answer. It has inspired me to more insights.
(17 Jun '16, 15:30)
spacemetalfantasy
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This is a very thought-provoking question and set of answers. Thank you. The only thought I would add is related to your words: "So I am in a conflict of the guidance my inner being is offering me and the socially expected behavior of feeling sorry for someone when I have unintentionally hurt him." The only conflict between your "inner guidance" and "socially expected behavior" is your belief that the socially expected behavior is in conflict with your inner guidance. In my experience it is always possible to express authentic compassion for some one else's process without losing alignment. Sometimes it takes a bit of inner or vibrational work to get there, but there truly is no conflict and you do not need to "feel sorry for someone" in order to express love and compassion. Thank you for your answer, @imaginesue, you're right, I can be compassionate without the guilt. Thanks for pointing that out!
(17 Jun '16, 15:32)
spacemetalfantasy
I agree, and I think my comment below is in alignment with your perspective. We can ask for forgiveness without necessarily believing we have done anything "wrong."
(30 Jun '16, 18:56)
Delphine
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first thing would be to be in truth. if there is trouble. it is often because one is not in truth or does not want to see the truth. each one is responsible of this. and each one should perfect him self in truth. you say: I am in a conflict of the guidance my inner being is offering me and the socially expected behavior of feeling sorry for someone when I have unintentionally hurt him. if you are in conflict does it help you or him? as for the socially expected behavior is it perfect or does it makes some error. you say: feeling sorry for someone when I have unintentionally hurt him. would it not be knowing that you made error and first need to correct that error so that you do not do it again. you see even if you say sorry and keep doing the same error it does not help you or him. if you are hurt from someone else error would you not like that they change their way so that they do not hurt you time and time again? if you say yes then it is the same for other around you. have mercy on your self and other you are all a work in progress in this world. not every one is at the same level of understanding, knowledge or even experience. try to stay in harmony at the place of shutting your eyes and hears to not see what other communicate to you and stay in darkness first seek the truth for you and share the truth with other. those that do not want to see or ear they seek conflict and belittle other and make division and iniquity to satisfy their ego and they do not want to understand. they are in darkness and will remain in darkness from their own choice. about the mirror you are only seing the outer part of it. between you and him.so it become a ping pong game between you and him, but you do not know where it comes from since you are not at peace and you are in conflict and the storm grow between you each one casting is own darkness and poison from their own cup. how can you tell if something is in you or not in you if you cannot see your own inner mirror(water). first clean the inside of the cup, so that the outside can be clean also. as long as you cannot be at peace and understand what is the cause of the issue in you that makes that little darkness in you that cause that storm on the surface of your water you are not able to solve it, it takes over you. the only thing you see is darkness and storm. not only is it taking over you inside but it is spreading outside of you. it becomes a conflict and a ping pong game between those two mirror, those two person at the place of having a good communication and exchange between them are fighting and waging war each thinking that they are the better one and that they will win the argument the war the conflict. in fact they lost it from the beginning when they did not see the little darkness the little thief that made it self the master of the house the real master became slave to the thief, they are hurt and they hurt other being blind making division and iniquity in the name of their master that they became slave to who is that master the darkness, the ego, the devil. if you became a slave to your own darkness should you be worried? Mathew 24:43 But understand this: If the owner of the house had known at what time of night the thief was coming, he would have kept watch and would not have let his house be broken into. So you also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him. if you are in darkness and your home as been broken in to and the thief(ego, devil, darkness) is now the master of your house at the place of the living one that you are made in the image of the one that sent you(spirit). how can you know another living one? will you play a ping pong game of darkness with the living one to praise your self? the only thing that divide and make iniquity between the living one in you and the water is the darkness. you see only when the water and spirit become one can the living one go above to the kingdom. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tbBmpaDBizA Verily verily i say to you,it takes over 40 days to overcomes that darkness until the two become one. Isaiah 5:20 Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter! http://biblehub.com/isaiah/5-20.htm He that has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says unto the churches. Remember, therefore, of that which thou hast received and heard and hold to it and repent. If therefore thou shalt not watch, I will come to thee as a thief, and thou shalt not know what hour I will come upon thee. those who have not defiled their garments; and they shall walk with me in white: for they are worthy. He that overcomes, the same shall be clothed in white clothing; and I will not blot out his name out of the book of life, but I will confess his name before my Father, and before his angels. Let there be light, be the light that you can be, experience and enjoy. |
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I some times feel the same when you asked "I want to treat my partner well, all the time, but a part of me resists to these actions, because I secretly think that this discussion or fight was a shared manifestation and he has attracted that behavior out of me, like I sometimes attract things out of him that bother me." My ex has lied to my face before,so is that what "Ive asked for??" so I guess we (you and I,) both need to take a leap of faith together and focus totally on what we want???...it is bloody hard to know what to do at times,..personally I would love nothing more than a positive co parenting relationship with my ex,but who is pushing whose buttons?...to get that out of each other??.....I think all we can do is focus on what we can do,..and that is to be positive, look for the "love"even if it takes a while to see it,look for what we want to see,... Sorry if I've hijacked your thread a little. |
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Something I read many years ago that made quite an impression on me: Saying "please forgive me" is not necessarily about admitting you have wronged the other. It is a request to be taken back into their good graces, to restore closeness and remove the grievance that has come between you. Works for me. |
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spacementalfantasy, we all have a responsibility for our actions. if a perception of presumed rightness becomes our choice we will have to deal with its consequences in time