I do habitual introspective exercises. I recently realised that I have a lot of resentment towards my ex-husband because during our relationship I perceived him to be weak. I perceived him to not being a man able to stand up for himself and his interests in a direct (and confrontational way); I perceived him to be as having the 'victim' attitude, the attitude that he needed to rely on me for solutions or the way forward. I started resenting this as a burden. To this day he always asks me 'why are you so angry and resentful towards me?'. The truth is I cannot stand him but the truth is also that he is a very good man, honest, reliable and a provider.

So I'm thrown in this complex web of doubt. I do not feel any love for him. I was never attracted sexually to him. I was initially attracted to him because I perceived him to be mature, strong and reliable. When I got to know him I realised he needed a lot of support, both emotionally and also in terms of decision-making. This took a toll on me to the extent that I felt burnt out.

The resentment and anger are still there and I'd like to heal them, not because I have any desire to go back to him but because I have this little nagging feeling inside me which seems to indicate to me that until I do so, I will not be in the relationship that I truly desire, that I will not be able to experience a deep connection with another man.

I have been dating for a while and I usually have two types of characters that I date: either the self-confident man who seems to be too proud for me to open up completely, or the man with whom I connect very easily with but who is too soft, i.e. and whom I perceive not to be strong, determined, passionate and ambitious.

The thing I resent in my ex-husband seems to be missing also in the men that I date. So I started thinking that my perception or my judgment or something inside me is preventing me from meeting a man whom I perceive to be strong in my terms.

I hope I'm making sense. I'd love your insights into this.