I thought I did I forgave her. Seeing her there, cold and still, I thought I did. I touched her pale hand and told her that I forgave her. After her death, I thought everything that she did to me also died with her, but instead it woke up a lot of shit I thought I had gotten over. I look just like her but she treated me so like I was a step-child. After she found out I was cutting, she bought more razors and told me to cut deeper. How does someone talk to their child like that? I grew up hating myself because I that is what she taught me. & I look just like her. I don't even like my name because she gave it to me. It's like I am wiping out my entire identity just to get away from her and it's not working. Family and friends reminding me how much I look like her, how awesome she was, how funny, fun and heartwarming she is. I didn't get any of that. I got the cold shoulder. I got pushed away. I don't know where to start in order to forgive her. I am so mad because she got to leave this earth without telling me why. Why was I treated like this? Why was I so disposable? I am trying to understand that people don't owe me anything. I can't help but feel, that she does. I keep trying to tell myself maybe it's best I didn't or maybe it wasn't meant for me to know. & that's the hardest thing to swallow. I am starting to think that I do forgive her, I am having a hard time understanding why...

asked 11 Oct '21, 19:39

cancer1206's gravatar image


"I am starting to think that I do forgive her, I am having a hard time understanding why... "

Is your last sentence your real question?

(12 Oct '21, 13:58) ele

what if she truly wanted
a better life for you than
she had, but could not break through
your shell of victimhood

(30 Nov '21, 16:43) fred


You are saying mom was extending a kindness. Interesting perspective. Ok, but what makes you think mom didn't have a good life?

(01 Dec '21, 01:19) ele

ele, it doesn't matter, it's what mothers want for their daughters but don't say it

(01 Dec '21, 16:42) fred

daughter ... I wasn't sure. I know sons that look just like their mothers.

Thanks for your response @fred

I would say mothers normally want the best for their children.

(02 Dec '21, 20:19) ele


You said "when your mom found out you were cutting, she bought you more razors and told you to cut deeper".

Did you?

(02 Dec '21, 20:25) ele


"Family and friends reminding you of how much you look like her". You look in the mirror and you see your mother.

Like mother like daughter?

Is that what you fear most?

(03 Dec '21, 11:13) ele

Physicians, teachers and others more knowledgeable and experienced than I am, concur with the studies. They say the longer a female who comes from an abusive childhood, stays in the victim mentality, the more likely she will become the perpetrator.

(03 Dec '21, 11:23) ele
showing 0 of 8 show 8 more comments

Dear cancer1206, Your mother, like the rest of us, is a spiritual being and like the rest of us, her continuing existence is not dependent on a physical body. This is something she became aware of moments after her death. While you were holding her lifeless hand and struggling with the idea of forgiveness, she may well have been in the room with you. For many people the death experience can be quite overwhelming and disorienting to say the least. As part of her orientation to her new reality, she will be subjected to a life review, re experiencing her life through the eyes of the people whose lives she affected. The purpose of this review is not about judging her or making her feel guilty over the way she treated you. Our lives, the difficulties we endure, the challenges we face are all designed to help us evolve as souls. Through this life review, your mother will experience what you experienced, feel what you felt, and know how it affected you.

There's no rule that says you have to forgive her. You have the rest of "your" life to to decide whether or not you want to forgive her. Real forgiveness must be truly heartfelt. I don't believe that will be possible while your heart still suffers from the wounds she inflicted.


answered 12 Oct '21, 19:37

i4cim2b's gravatar image


edited 25 Oct '21, 02:31

"no rule" hmm... I haven't read the book but I'm glad my mom died could be helpful to some.

(03 Dec '22, 21:07) ele

I mentioned this book because of what @myself said. She said these are @cancer1206 feelings and she has a right to her feelings. That is true. Since posting this, I've had a chance to listen to this highly rated book. I suggest checking out the print copy at a library.

(06 Dec '22, 12:34) ele

Dearest, dearest eternal non cancerous 1206 My mother, or that person that was supposed to be my mother according to the way people think on earth..........long sentence. We are not even people. Our literal souls are projecting us as their images. We are holographic images not knowing it. This is an experiment that our soul is creating. WE are these souls literally. So......that mother was vicious to me. All I did was hear and feel the energy beings around me. I knew there was no such thing as death then. That mother was all wrapped up in thinking she was physical...... so then......... mired in believing in germs/viruses and death. Lots of stress there in those words. Maybe in another simultaneous life you did to her what she did to you. Somebody was trying to forgive the other not knowing that THE FEDERAL RESERVE CARTEL and the MEDICAL CARTEL and THE MILITARY CARTEL are doing this to us on purpose every day. The people running these cartels are the reason people hurt each other. These cartels are creating all the hurts on this earth because they have created prisons and wars and thieves to take from us. Not knowing we are not even physical confuses everyone. All we have to do is remember that we are eternal energy and light beings ONE with each other right now. We are eternal electrical energy fields being projected by our literal souls which ARE these fields. We are the holographic projection bodies/characters like on computer screens. This has been proven by quantum physics because of the outrageous speeds subatomic particles spin. If these words do not help you, then you are stuck in believing you are physical and then die. This is what these cartels/nazis/communists want you to believe. You can watch and read hundreds of books and articles and videos that say so, like AGENDA Grinding Down America and BEHIND THE SMOKE CURTAIN: THE 9/11 PENTAGON ATTACK. It is very important to get a bigger perspective on reality. I cannot even blame these cartels for my awful childhood because I know my soul is creating me as its image. If anyone is to blame it is the souls creating us. But how do you blame what is supposed to be good? How is this experiment on earth for the good? I read in the Seth books that horrendousness is happening on this earth. It IS possible to get lost. I believe these souls creating us are like children. They don't know what they are doing to us, BUT WE ARE THEM. Why would these souls be so bored that they would create such lives as these with so much pain? We must be like stick figures to them. These souls can move away from us when we are in pain because they vibrate a whole lot faster. Otherwise, I will have to call these souls the word NAZIS. Okay....I will have to believe that these souls are projecting us with positivity in mind. After all, they KNOW they are ONE with All That Is. Right? So it is us as fragments that are free to not realize we are in the midst of simultaneous time where all images should be let go. Just stop creating what is called pain. Pain belongs to the past, which is remembered with a faulty memory. Why recreate it? When time is always simultaneous? You can find a graph of simultaneous time in the book THE QUANTUM WORLD written by the physicist Kenneth Ford.


answered 02 Dec '21, 09:16

MagicallyEternal's gravatar image


Speaking of energy; it takes a great deal of energy to keep someone out of your heart.

(02 Dec '21, 21:52) ele

"Pain belongs to the past. Why recreate it?" I like that...

(02 Jan '23, 17:16) ele


This phase is tough. I respect the significance of this.

Your mother chose to have you. You did not choose to have her.

If she was not satisfied with something of you.....That is HER problem, not yours.

If you reflect on yourself, that, as a person. I am good, reasonable, worthy of respect at least by 51%....Then, I am sorry to hear you did not have somebody there that should have been there.

Your mother gave birth to you. Yes....But, your mother never has or had authority to govern your genuine Self.

My friend, it will be a grim hustle. It will be hard. I don't want it to be, I wish I could wave a magic wand and tell thou otherwise. But let's just be real and normal....This is going to be a journey.

You may find on years to come, that, the booooshyte of your mother actually helped you to become the man you wish to be (on a highly different spiritual perspective).

I don't know the term for this Japanese discipline, but it's about the art of repairing broken plates and glasses etc.....

It is better to be a cheap broken plate that has been repaired 2000 times, opposed to a plate alchemy by gold or silver.

You are going to become a sunflower. Ride it out for now

God bless. Narizrovye x. Nikulasz


answered 11 Dec '22, 01:21

Nikulas's gravatar image


You say you don't know where to begin.

Start by putting a definition to the word forgiveness. What does it mean to you?

I remember when you first posted this question. My first thought was ~ it sounds like this person wants to change the past.

My next thought was how Oprah defined forgiveness ~ "it's giving up the hope that the past could have been any different. We cannot move forward if we are still holding onto the pain of the past. It's accepting the past for what it was, and using this moment & this time to help yourself move forward."

It does not mean what happened to you was ok, because it wasn't! Don't let it define you or control you.

Forgiveness is giving up the power this person or these experiences have over you. It's letting go of the past ~ moving on. You'll become lighter in so many ways when you are no longer weighed down by past baggage. Let your light shine.

It's about taking your power back. "Forgiveness is the greatest gift you can give yourself" ~ Maya Angelou

Forgiveness has nothing to do with whether the other person is still living or not. It's all about YOU.

Forgiveness is not something you do for anyone else.

"Not forgiving is holding someone else responsible for your current and future experiences. Forgiving is something you do for yourself. When you forgive, you stop holding others responsible for your emotional experiences." ~ Gary Zukav

I'm sorry this happened. No child deserves abuse. Your mother is dead. She can't hurt you. Isn't it time you stop hurting yourself?


You have so many unanswered questions. Not having any real closure is hard. That did not escape me. You are the only person keeping this alive. Why?

What I'm certain of ~ what the woman who gave birth to you chose to do, has nothing to do with you. Please believe that. WTS, what you are doing to yourself now is more about you then her.

These are just my thoughts. I've never walked in your shoes. Whatever you choose to do is ok.


answered 02 Jan '23, 16:49

ele's gravatar image


edited 02 Jan '23, 18:53

I wonder if there is any story you could tell yourself that would not result in even more questions. I understand the need for answers.

I'm sure you realize your mom's friends want you to know she wasn't all bad.

I knew of a woman who abused her son. She treated her daughters, younger siblings & a nephew who was born around the same time as her son like gold. He was the oldest. The only thing we could conclude is she blamed him for ruining her life when she got pregnant. Not an excuse.

(02 Jan '23, 19:13) ele

An explanation perhaps.

(02 Jan '23, 19:15) ele

I am not sure if this will give you solace but if you have never seen it, the movie Saved By The Light by Dannion Brinkley will show you want your mother went through at death. Every pain she caused she felt as her own, every feeling you had from her, she felt as her own feelings, she can't escape it, it is a teaching system of existence or God. The only way to learn what we caused is to feel the results as if it were done to us. So she has learned the hard way from what she did to you. It might make it a little easier to forgive since you know she will be or has experienced everything you have as if it were done to her.

Now look at your past pain and say this is the past, I am in the present, I love myself, I forgive myself for any self hate, I have been hurt but I wish to heal now. The divine is within me, I claim it and now accept healing, I am a good person, I am loved and loveable as I am. Even if you don't believe it, you are created in the image of God, you are good, you don't need to be worthy or good enough, just be in the present feel yourself surround in love, comfort and peace healing you.There is no qualifier for love healing peace no need to be worthy of or feel good enough for, it is not a race you have to complete, it is yours by divine right.


answered 12 Dec '23, 22:55

Wade%20Casaldi's gravatar image

Wade Casaldi

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