Hey Angelfire, I will give you my interpretation on what's happening when you enter on path of self-improvement.

The first step as I reckon is to take responsobility for your life and for your choices and stop blaiming all the people around you for your porblems -- your husband (he doesn't listen), your wife (she shouts at me all the time saying that I don't listen), your boss (he's a di**) and so on. It usually takes for anyone to hit bottom (for me two years of smoking marijuana on almost daily basis) and say to yourself 'Enough!' That, in my opinion, is enough for anyone to start, first unconsciosly, than consciously, looking for informaiton that will improve their life.

So what's the next step? The next step is gathering enough information for you to let go of old belief systems which no longer serve you. You see, I look at it like this -- there is ME who is right here, who has a life, friends, family, hobbies etc. and there's another aspect of me, my Higher Self let's call him.

So to give you a metaphor - The ME that is right here right now is walking in the valley and can see what is only about 200 feet before me. The Higher Self is the aspect of me that stands on the hilltop surrounding the valley and it can see through the whole journey from a much broder perspective.

So, ME and Higher Self are the same being, just separated into two different perpectives. So, now how do they communicate with eachother? The igher Self sees more so when the ME wants to make a decision based on the situation that is here NOW it might want to turn right. But the Higher Self, who is on the mountain top, will say 'Well, if you go this way in 500 feet the bridge is out'.

So what for ME would seem the quickest way would actually be the longer and harder way from a higher perspective.

So now the Higher Self doesn't just say 'Hey, go left', because it doesn't communicate like that. It communicates through emotions and through symbols, like in dreams.

The problem is that we don't always want to here it. We like to over-analyze our feelings and ultimately not to do what they tell us. But why do we do that? Because of our corrupt belief system. Because we have been fed so much bullshit about what life is and what it isn't that it's usually that the way we are taught is the opposite to what life truly is.

For example the most held belief in society is that 'There is not enough to go around for everybody'.

Well, from what I'm observing it's not true, because it would imply many different things, like if there is a Creator of all things why would he create a lack of something or if everybody shared fairly and equally we would have 'Heaven on Earth' tomorrow.

But the main thing isn't my reasoning, but my feelings about this belief that are the key. Everytime I ACT on that belief I feel somekind of negative emotion -- sadness (feeling pity for those less privileged), anger towards others (I have to get more before THEY get it before me), dissapointment (no matter how much I get, it is never enough) and so on.

On the other hand each time I ACT contrary to that belief, meaning "There is enough for EVERYONE to go around" I find myself being -- more giving, more compassionate, more loving and so on.

And that's how I can know which beliefs are really MINE and which are simply not true, made by men to control other men, to make them scared, angry and bitter so they are willing to act despite their higher feelings and listen only to their rational side.

So where does it lead? Where has it led You? You already know that and I do too, because that's where I was also. I followed my rational side for most of my life and I was never happy. In fact, I was always running away from my feelings instead of standing up and checking 'Why am I feeling this way? Is it natural to feel this way? And, if it's not, can I change it?"

The answer is "Yes, you can change it" and the way you change if by identifying your negative beliefs (beliefs that no longer serve you) and change them to what you prefer. How you do that? It's easy, by setting goals, affirmations and so on. But there is the tricky part to this. You wrote before that you use affirmations and you are still bothered with negative feelings, why is that?

Well let me tell you what I feel. I feel that emotions that we have are just energy motions (e-motions) that run through your body that are a RESPONSE to beliefs that you already have. Well, what I mean by that, if you don't have a belief about something you can't have a feeling about it.

Let's say the word 'Ice cream" for example. What do you feel when you hear that word? Most people, if they never got sick from overeating ice cream will probably have positive feelings because it's the ultimate comfort food. It is just something that makes us feel good.

So what do you feel when you here the word 'Pokarakula'? Nothing, right? It's because in your mind there was no association between 'Pokarakula' and an actual experience that would trigger an emotional response.

Ok, so now we know that what you feel is ALWAYS a product of your belief system and that you can change it. So why doesn't it just happen all at once, each time you say an affirmation?

It might be because you are using affirmations because you want to run away from what is YOURS and always has been, meaning YOUR feelings. You can not change something you do not own; once you make it your own you can send it on it's way.

So the process that you're actually going through right now is realising and accepting that everything that has ever happened to you, every emotions that you had was because you chose too. It will be incomprehensible to you at first, because we can always find someone to blame - our parents (they didn't love me enough), the govermnet (thiefts) and even God (it's not fair to be me!), but what really sets you free, which is what you said in your question, is taking ALL the responsobility for your life on your shoulders.

It's saying 'Yes, I may have chosen many things in my life that made me feel hurt, anger, sadness etc., but I acknowledge them as my choice and my creation and now I'm choosing to change them.'

And once you do it this way, the hard work is over. You are now on a way which you will most surely follow. But what is our problem is 'Time..' We have spent most of our lifes developind detrimental habits and beliefs and now that we are starting on this self-improvement journey wa want to change them in a week.

If you're doing that, STOP! It's NOT going to happen! THe whole thing about it is that it's suppose to be gradual at first so you can get used to the process, so you can accumulate more energy to handle the changes.

You may already notice how much you've changed in the past few years. You maybe changed your job, your diet, love interest and so on. What is happening is freeing energy that was being trapped in parpatiuating beliefs that weren't yours and making room for different kind of energy to come in. Energy that is life enhancing and that you prefer.

So to do that you might want to use Eastern methods like meditation, tantra, yoga etc. Everything dealing with the body will help you to release old programs and beliefs that were stuck in your body until now. Now, you can breathe and let go and change what you don't prefer anymore. But the feeling of it is also important -- let go of old beliefs and feelings sending them your unconditional love and greatfullness, knowing that you were the one that chose them and you wouldn't be where you are if it wasn't for them. That attitude will make this whole transformation so much more easy and enjoyable.

In fact there will come a time when you will feel excited while feeling negative emotions; you will know that it's you that has created them and you will play a private eye trying to figure out which beliefs need changing this time around.

And that's where the Western psychoanalysis comes to play. It is used to change beliefs, but because it wasn't combined with Eastern techniques of releasing old energy patterns, they were in-effective. In fact the most suicide rate a few years ago was in the field os psychatrists.

The same goes with Eastern practices -- just breathing and no changing of beliefs will never make you free. You might be like in the story of a monk who meditated in solitude for 20 years and finally decided that he is 'enlightened' and it's time to go back to the real world. He got so jolly and happy out of the cave, but once he got to the city, after seeing the first woman, he had an erection. Feeling ashamed and angry he retrieved back to the cave and felt sorry for himself.

What happened with him is that with all the breathig and meditating he did, he did not change his beliefs about sex, which is so powerful in our society, chiefly because sex is one of the most potent and powerful things that can set you free. But people who want to control you doesn't want you to know about it so they made up a belief that 'God thinks that sex is bad'. What? Why would he create such a wonderful and ecstatic thing and make it bad? It doesn't make any sense. And it doesn't, especially to your Higher Self.

So my advice to you is -- FEEl, FeEl and fEEl EVERYTHING and EVERYONE you can. Don't let ANYONE tell you that what your feeling is wrong and that you should be ashamed of yourself. Sit with your feelings, breath into them and ask for guidance, knowing, that you are asking yourself and that you are ALWAYS in control of your life. No one can make you do anything; they can try to convince you, but it's always your choice to 'give into' what anybodies saying.

And the same goes for me too. Don't just 'buy into' what I'm saying, because I'm not selling it. It's my perspective in this matter and the best thing you could do is to take what you want from what I'm saying and apply it to your life and see where does it leave you. Don't listen to anyone that wants to give you one sure way thing to enlightenment, because there is no such thing!

There is no magic pill nor one way to do anything. If there was one way, there would only be one person. So find your way, Be that person who inspires others to change and you will be free.