When i was 14 years old I played on the Team USA Soccer Team and was priveleged to travel throughout Europe on a Soccer Tour one summer. Part of the tour took us to Russia which was the Soviet Union at the time. Being the only Black person on my team gave me a deeper insight into how "race" affects people. There were many guys from different parts of the country on the tour who i could tell had never been around Black people and felt uneasy around me. Others went out of their way to "make me comfortable" and did just the opposite. The reaction was both similar and opposite as we toured Europe. There were some Europeans who assumed that I could play basketball and breakdance because I was Black American. Many of the European girls in Sweden, Holland, Denmark, Amsterdam, you name it; were so intrgued by a Black American boy that it was sometimes weird. It was like they didn't kow if they wanted to "jump my bones" or run for their lives. Also being in the Soviet Union and witnessing "communism" first hand, I came to realize the incredible power of propaganda. For instance, there were a number of young Russians in a cultural exchange group discussion who could not believe that half of all Americans were not on drugs and lived in ghettos created by a hand full of capitalistic bloodsuckers of the poor. In turn, being in the Kremlin and walking the streets of Moscow erased the images of a backwards, vodka guzzling people who are void of fine arts and culture that I became so familiar with growing up in the US. I realized that no matter how much individuals and nations believe they are superior to others, what is good and practiced by the goose (themselves) is also good and practiced by the gander (others.) So worldviews can hardly be developed unless you get out there and see the world

Several years ago, within just a short period of time, I gave birth to a healthy son and daughter, but also watched both my mother and a grandmother pass onto the other side. Yes, I was both happy and grieving at the same time, but I was also in awe of the circle of life. This started my journey of being a more spiritually minded person and also began the studying of metaphysics. Before that, I had lived the life of a young adult, somewhat self-centered and with everything always working out perfectly. These were my first experiences with truly worrying about others, wondering about life before birth and after "death", and taking care of others.

The changes in my worldview so far have usually been caused by some sort of teaching or book. What made me look for the teachings however, especially in my earlier years, has often been some sort of adversity - problems in my family, inability to communicate well with and relate to other people etc.

Now that I`ve taken care of those low-level problems, I am opening myself up to more interesting experiences.

My dream-adventures that I mentioned recently in another answer is one of them. After experiencing some very vivid, conscious dreams, I really started asking myself: "If dreams can be so real, then how real is the waking world?"

More recently I had an interesting experience in which the idea of the creative process/law of attraction finally sunk in. I can't explain it very well...I was meditating on an intention as I usually do, and then all of a sudden I thought: "I know how this stuff works"... My affirmations have finally become more powerful then my uncertainty. I've been having much less doubt about my intentions since...even when doubt arises it cannot make me change my mind anymore.

One year my husband and I didn't have any money coming in and I prayed to Jesus that my children needed cloths and shoes, toys, and food for christmas and I said Lord you know the whole story and your know the need is here will you help us to make the children happy for Christmas.

A couple days later an young lady coming knocking on the door and said do you need help with your chilren for Christmas and I said yes and she brought cloths, toys from her organization and other people droped by and brought an big turkey, fruit, and food. We had an lovely christmas for the children were happy and God had answered my prayer in an big way.

There also was an time my angel stop me from going down an street that must have been very dangerous for it told me to stop and turn around now for I wasn't paying any attention and I had been re-route because of road work and ended up on an street that probably was an one way street and it had gotten narrow,dark, and many people on both sides so I did as my angel had warned me an got out of there right than an there. I felt the danger and I moved fast turning in on the nearest drive way.

Lately I've had a realization about life... a big aha-moment on a deep level and it was a very profound experience for me. It's simply this:

"PHYSICAL REALITY IS NOTHING BUT A BIG COSMIC JOKE."

"What kind of joke?" you may ask.

Do you know this feeling when someone tells you a joke and first you don't get it? But you really want to get the joke and you try to figure it out? And the other person starts laughing because you didn't get the joke? And after a few moments you do get it, but you realize that it's not even funny? But you start laughing anyway because it's so far off from being funny that it now gets funnier than really funny jokes you've heard before? And as you notice that the other person thinks that you are laughing because of his joke, it gets even funnier because now he doesn't get that you are actually thinking that it's not even slightly funny? And only the fact that he doesn't get it makes it funny to you?

So you burst out laughing, but now the other person thinks that your reaction is somehow exaggerated because... really the joke wasn't THAT funny? And then he finally gets that you are actually laughing because the joke wasn't funny at all and so he too starts laughing? And both of you find yourselves rolling on the floor laughing and it gets better and better for both of you?...Until you wake up and you realize that it was all just a drug hallucination from the junk that you got from your columbian drug dealer and the joke-teller doesn't even exist?...But you don't care because it was funny anyway? Do you know what I mean?

No? Well maybe then... it's just me :)... just joking a little bit of course :).

But the point is... that physical reality is really like that... NOTHING BUT A BIG COSMIC JOKE.

Sometimes you don't get it and you feel like you are doing/thinking something wrong. But when you get it, it all seems so absurdly simple. And when you get it, you wake up again and you realize that you getting the joke actually was the joke anyway. And now you wonder why anyone takes physical reality so seriously. And even wondering about all of this turns out to be a big cosmic joke in itself :).

I've had a couple of life changing experiences, but the one that has had most effect on me is a shared death experience in 2012. It was profound, hyper real and beautiful. Full of love stronger than anything I have experienced in life. My whole life changed and I spent a year living in bliss afterwards - everything I looked at that had previously seemed everyday (trees, sunlight etc) appeared fresh and exciting. Colours seemed to vibrate with intensity and I felt constantly happy and safe.

It slowly faded to 'normal' but not entirely as it will always be with me. I am lucky enough, now, to know absolutely that life doesn't end when we die and that there's much more out there than I previously thought. This has made life seem more like a holiday from reality - or some sort of interactive movie that I have chosen - so nothing seems scary any more. I feel like I can enjoy myself more and any 'bad' things don't really matter all that much.

I have to go back all the way to first grade, and Miss W's class. I was very precocious (weren't we all here at Inward Quest?) and for some reason, I was not in the "high" reading group, and could not get the hang of phonetics and reading. I was terribly frustrated. It seemed to me that I came out of the womb wanting to be able to read.

I remember sitting in our little reading circle as Miss W was having us sound out words. I was staring at the chalkboard, and I remember trying to sound out the next word, which was "run", as in, "See Spot run." All of a sudden, I saw the word "run", and I thought to myself, "Is she trying to tell me that those shapes and squiggles there on the chalk board mean the word "run"?" I looked at the word, and it "clicked".

The moment was so very profound! I could use phonetics as a clue to figure out words after that, but I preferred just to memorize the whole word, en mass. It seemed to be easy after that. I was reading, and I was in bliss! It wasn't long before I zipped my way through the "**** and Jane" books (see below), and was reading everything not nailed down (and nailed down, too!).

I had not aware been of my own boredom before I could read, but I had been desperately bored. I finally had the cure for my own boredom, and with books, could explore the entire world. I read and read. By third grade, I outgrown the books in the third grade section in the library, and was upset with the school librarian because she would not allow me to take out books at a higher level. My father took on the school, and made it possible for me to get books from the sixth-grade area- but what a fuss he created because I wanted to read "The Black Stallion" and every single book by Marguerite Henry!

The moment of of "Aha!" that I had when I "got it", and reading clicked for me, was very profound. I felt like my whole brain had lit up with happiness. When I look back at that moment, I still get a warm happy glow just thinking about it. I had been locked into a still and lonely place. I had been so unhappy. I was the first-born, and my parents were so very young, and never saw how bored I had been. Even at age six, I had felt with reading that I could steer my own destiny. I felt a soar of power and a great gratitude to God for giving me the gift of reading. I suppose that I had spent many lifetimes being bored and frustrated that I could not read.

Even today, I am thrilled with learning and reading. I absolutely love the Internet. I can research anything that I want to know about, and explore whole databases of information. I love my Kindle, and have access to nearly any book written through it. I had a library of 6,000 books, most on science, but that is not very large a library compared to other people who love reading. I am sure that there are other people here on IQ who have the same love of reading and learning. When I moved to Pennsylvania to be with Wade, I found out that he had quite a collection of books about spirituality, manifesting, and so forth... Heaven!

In that moment of "aha!" I found the keys to the kingdom of the mind. I will never forget that thirty seconds or so that I "grabbed" the word "run". I had felt such power, and was very determined to learn everything I could about everything I could. I blasted through stacks of books in the summer, as I lived pretty close to the public library. My best friend and I walked to and fro during the summer, and read together under the trees outside. I guess that moment also contains the bliss that followed in the years after first grade.

Perhaps this is not a great answer to this question. I have had profound spiritual experiences, too, but learning to read opened the door to the entire universe. At least, it sure felt that way. When I raised my children, I was sure to impart the love of books to them. Since I had four kids, it meant lugging a whole lot of books home from the library (40!). I smile to myself as I write this...

Reading was the gateway. My soul walked through it, and was happy!

Blessings,

Jaianniah ♥♥♥

*I think it is ridiculous and upsetting that I cannot write the title of the first book I read, due to the most horrible censorship writing program I have ever encountered anywhere on the Internet. We are all grownups here. I wish that more of you would join me in trying to get this program removed from Inward Quest. We are a website of ideas. I do not think that our words should be censored. I am going to formally complain about this at IQ Meta. Enough is enough! Jai

Wow, that's a beauty. I could write a book on that one. Would you like the Coles notes version, or the annotated version? ;-) .... john