Sexiness, I think, is a state of mind as opposed to being an actual tangible 'thing.' I would love to just believe, without an inch of a doubt, that I am sexy as anything. Observing real life situations in the past, and also in fiction, one does not require attractive looks but can still give off a vibration of sexiness.

I want my entire self to accept that I am sexy. I am thinking of doing some subconscious programming for this, yet does anybody else have any different measurements to go about obtaining this perception of myself? What would be the quickest or most effieicent way of performing this task?

asked 10 Oct '11, 13:36

Nikulas's gravatar image


Jai and I were discussing this question of what women find sexy on a guy, I thought of the way some guys dress in a tank top with two or three gold chains like Joe Pesci in "Good Fellows." I said that is what you women find sexy.

She said no....

She said that, to her, a guy dressing like that is a guy trying to be sexy, trying to show off. Some women may swoon at that but not all, and definitely NOT Jai!

Jai says that a sexy man is, most of all, so comfortable with himself that he doesn't need to deck himself out like a peacock in order to be attractive. What she finds sexy is humbleness, cleanliness, self-confidence and a positive attitude. Spirituality in a guy makes him, with all the other things, absolutely perfect.

So, perhaps you should work on the qualities mentioned above, and quit worrying about sexiness.

Jai says it is obvious when a guy is working at being sexy, and for her, it is a total turn-off.

Wow what Jai said is good news for me because I never bothered trying to be sexy! lol

Wade, and of course Jaianniah.


answered 10 Oct '11, 20:04

Wade%20Casaldi's gravatar image

Wade Casaldi

edited 10 Oct '11, 20:21

be great if i could get an answer to this question as well wade and Jai. Appreciate the advice, call me Julio :)

(11 Oct '11, 10:25) Nikulas

Julio, Jai and I are Christians. We told you how to be more sexy to attract the right woman. We didn't mean for you to be like Don Juan.

(12 Oct '11, 17:53) Wade Casaldi

sure Wade, understandable. I appreciate the information, blessings.

(12 Oct '11, 23:37) Nikulas

Thank you Julio, I just didn't want to be accountable to God for leading you down the wrong path. Best of luck with whatever you choose. May God bless you too.

(13 Oct '11, 01:51) Wade Casaldi
showing 2 of 4 show 2 more comments

Hi Nikulas, Self confidance is very sexy and so is a sense of humor and enthusiasim for life. People that have self confidance and exuberate a certain joy de vivre are the real sexy people irrespective of what they look like.

Do yourself a favour and try to instill self confidance in yourself and live life with a joyous zest for life than you wont think of having to work to become sexy for you will attract people to yourself like flies to honey.

Do a NLP course or something simmilar to instill self confidance and start to enjoy yourself. Visualise yourself as oozing sexapeal and than forget about it. It will happen but remember self confidance is very important in life and you are still young and will learn. Good luck and let us know a year from now how you are doing.


answered 10 Oct '11, 16:26

Paulina%201's gravatar image

Paulina 1

sure, a year from now i'll check in. Really helpful tips here

(11 Oct '11, 10:21) Nikulas

Hmm... Weird answers to this question, but I do like some of what is said.

First, I'd like to say that the realm of interacting with women is one that has no place being taught by anyone, nor is the realm of interacting with men something that should be taught.

That being said, I can immediately tell you that if you're looking to get laid because you want to get laid, two things.

1: That's kinda... unusual to me. I'm not a Christian like Wade or Jai, but I do think his counter point was an excellent one. There is a difference between wanting to attract someone who is right for you and wanting to attract anything you can get your hands on.

2: "Love" isn't supposed to be pointless. It isn't supposed to be just about a physical connection, nor just about a mental connection, nor just about a spiritual connection, it is about all three. You need to nurture each one in different ways.

So, I could tell you how to catch any girl (or guy) you wanted, but what good would that do you? You'd turn into a misogynist, you'd go around hurting any girl you could find, and you'd probably end up not enjoying sex by the time you were done anyway.

A little secret about "sex", since that seems to be what you're really asking about, not "love" or "women", it is not enjoyable if you don't care about the person. What makes sex pleasurable isn't the act, it's the connection with another person..

I suppose I should actually answer your question as you asked it as well. If you want to look 'sexy', quit worrying about it. Don't worry about what people think of you, especially those who would have you think that you are inadequate. There are quite a few steps after that, but start inside yourself. Address the parts of yourself that you do not like about yourself, work on your weaknesses and fine tune your strengths. Really all a woman wants is a man who knows what he wants and knows how to get it. The thing that you "want" and the method you use to "get" it is what determines what women will find you attractive, what women will find you repulsive, and what women will see you as a "friend".

So, I would figure out what kind of woman you want to attract. If you want to get laid, start acting like you get laid a lot, and GIRLS who just want to get laid will be attracted to you. Just keep in mind, there is a huge difference between a GIRL and a real woman.

Otherwise, I'd spend a lot of time thinking about what you want in a "[soul mate]" or even a "[lover]". Be as specific as you can, and don't try to change anyone who you do end up with. Either they are right for you, or they aren't, but trying to force them to change will cause problems.

A quote I said to an individual I know indirectly: "Do women want a momma's boy or a father's son? Neither you immature bastard, they want a man- now quit acting like a child all the time and grow the hell up."

This answer is marked "community wiki".

answered 25 Dec '11, 00:55

Snow's gravatar image


edited 25 Dec '11, 07:09

you have free will use it wisely. and you are what you are. and can become what you want to become. experience and enjoy.


answered 10 Oct '11, 14:42

white%20tiger's gravatar image

white tiger

You should ask yourself the question why do you want to be sexy in the first place?

You probably want it to be able to attract more girls of the opposite sex, but has it ever occurred to you that maybe sexiness is not really what turns a woman or lady on?

Everyone's interpretation of sexiness to some extent.

As for you not being able to get ahead with girls, you will get past it somehow in the near future. You might think that it's cool and great to be able to get any girl you like, but it actually really isn't the case in most situations.


answered 11 Oct '11, 11:48

kakaboo's gravatar image


Could not agree more! It turns me off when a guy is obviously trying to be sexy...I guess you just are, especially when you are happy and positive and genuine!>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

(11 Oct '11, 12:02) Jaianniah

"Genuine" I think was the operative word there. If you get taught about how to interact with girls by someone else then women "smell" that on you, they see that you are acting coached and so it "turns them off." You don't have to be strong or funny or anything to be ATTRACTIVE. Just be happy with yourself, be kind to others who deserve it, and be strong enough to protect them from those who would try to hurt her. All you have to do is just "Be Real". Be a normal, flawed, broken human being. Not hard, very easy actually.

(25 Dec '11, 07:20) Snow

Hi Nikulas and everybody,

My friend, there is nothing wrong with being sexy. In fact, its a good thing! It makes us feel happier, feel more alive, very attractive to the opposite sex and also appreciated by others for who we are.

Nikulas, follow me on this. As master life coach, I can certainly help you with this, but first we cannot just have a goal of wanting to believe that we are sexy. Yes, simple desires like that can help, but if you want to strengthen that belief, what's more important is the purpose. Anyone can say, "My goal is to become sexy," but if you know your purpose is to attract beautiful women, or at least the most attractive woman whom you would decide to marry, then you are in a higher league. Because your purpose is what sustains your power to take the steps to achieve your goal(to have a very firm conviction that you are sexy).

The other thing is is to build strong references. If you want EVERY single fiber of your being to believe that and say, "This is real! I am and feel sexy! Without a shadow of a doubt." then my friend, you have to build a long list of references. Those references will overcome your doubts and other limiting beliefs about yourself, about how unsexy you are and so on.

I want to thank you for bringing up this question. I hope I've been of great service to you. And I got something good out of this, so thanks again. I've been looking for topics like this to talk about in my blog now I got some ideas. Take care! :) ~J.R.


answered 24 Dec '11, 14:46

matrixmind's gravatar image


matrixmind, is there no other wothwhile way to thought energy, what will be done when we are androgynous again

(25 Dec '11, 01:27) fred

Well it's been a few months sinced I posted this, and yes, I was posting this with the intention to help attract a partner. Now I look back and understand do much more about sex. The whole cloud of 'sexiness' is still a bit wishy washy as to what exactly it is: it has been portrayed in movies that even a nerdy, embarassing-their-kids eccentric dad can still be labelled as 'sexy' opposed to the typical James bond style person.

Thankyou for your contribution, it's quite a miracle that i am getting 'free' life coaching from a professional, if that is your trade.

may you please email me

(25 Dec '11, 01:40) Nikulas

So I can ask you some more specific things? Thankyou VERY much, appreciation to you :)

(25 Dec '11, 01:40) Nikulas
showing 2 of 3 show 1 more comments

Hi Nikulas,

Could you explain more about WHY you would like to be sexy and to whom? You can ask numerous women (or men for that matter) what sexiness is and you will receive many different questions, depending on what they value in life. Some people value great looks or a gymbody, others couldn't care less. I think becoming sexy in the eye of the other is an undoable job really and a very unnecessary one. So the question WHY you want to be sexy is much more insightful to find out what the true reason for your wish would be. If you're aiming for attracting a partner or multiple partners for that matter, this platform offers you far better en more efficient suggestions to attract just that. You go about your life as you wish my friend, and indeed everything is possible. But the Universe will provide you with your heart's true desire. I think sexiness is just the way you filled in how your underlying wish would be fulfilled, not your hearts desire. I could be wrong of course as you know best.

Take care! Tim


answered 08 Feb '18, 10:48

TimH's gravatar image


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