I've said quite a few things here that I have never said anywhere else.. I suppose adding to that list couldn't hurt.

As a short aside, I do acknowledge I have intentionally misrepresented some of my beliefs in an attempt to "test" those around, to see if they really are who / what they claim to be. I apologize if I have offended anyone during this process. It is a very annoying issue I've had for as long as I can remember, and it stems from... "trust issues"...

This question is very lengthy, and involves a lot of random details from events from my childhood and/or my dreams. So if you aren't into fantasy novels I wouldn't advise reading on. =)

To start: Since my childhood I have had dreams of my own death, or of me being injured. Of course in the past when seeking advice others have said "Well everyone dies in their dreams sometimes, but it's OK because you wake up." Well.. yea. That's true. But my dreams were a bit unusual.

The first one I can remember clearly enough to explain was around the fifth grade I suppose. I dreamed that I was at my school, in a perfect dream recreation of a playground and surrounding classrooms there. Unlike other dreams where different scenery would often blend together or be out of place, this dream was 'perfect' in every detail I could notice.

Pretty simple, playing with friends, ran past a curb, caught my foot and landed on a knee, causing it to bleed and hurt, severely. Another severe annoyance I've always had, I've always felt pain in my dreams, usually in extreme detail. So I woke up in tears and sweating, reaching for my knee and curling as a child normally does, the same as I had in my dream.

This wasn't abnormal, didn't particularly phase me, I had dreams where I actually "felt" senses regularly. A few days later in school (not the immediate next day, but less than a week later) I was playing with some friends in the place in my dream, and I noticed a few of them said something that reminded me of my dream. The teacher blows a whistle, time to go back to class. I intentionally went a different way than I had in my dream, just because that "deja vu" feeling made me feel odd. I ended up being bumped by another kid a few steps before the curb, I didn't fully recover my balance, and I ended up skinning my knee after stumbling over the curb.

I know there was at least one dream of this nature before, but I was too young and sick at the time (with a very high fever), and the dream was encompassed by nightmares because of my fever that made it difficult to follow.

As I got older I would get dreams like this, not often, but frequently enough that it has always been something I remembered and noted carefully.

The one other example I am going to share at the moment was when I was much older, around the age of 19 I suppose. In the dream I was driving in the car with my long term girlfriend past a golf course on a road I have known since I was a child, though it has dramatically changed over the years. In the dream I saw a shimmering light ahead of me in the distance, and I couldn't identify what it was. As I continued driving on the road I kept seeing this light, at approximately 5 feet off the road, always in the distance ahead of me before the next turn in the road.

Finally I was in the middle of a straight away and the light went flying through the windshield. Time froze for a moment as the glass broke apart into shards (in a very television-esque non life-like sort of way, I believe. It is my understanding that windshield glass will not shard and instead crumples), making a circle the size of a basket ball in my windshield. I felt a burning sensation in my chest, then my whole body felt like it was being crushed, and I woke up. (the shards stayed suspended in air, I never saw or identified the light, it just left a trail that I couldn't identify) Again, waking up in a cold sweat but feeling very hot and shaking uncontrollably.

That same day, I was driving on that road and arguing with my girlfriend. I got an odd feeling of deja vu again, and in the middle of us both yelling at one another I went silent and looked around at our surroundings. I saw nothing, and continued driving as normal in silence. A few seconds later a golf ball bounced on the road in front of us, going flying off into the air above the trees.

What confused me about this was, even if the golf ball had hit our car on the roof (it was coming from too high of an angle to go through the windshield in a front-facing manner, and if it went downwards it would not have hit me or likely even harmed me) it would not have broken my roof, let alone hit me.

I've had other dreams varying in intensity and circumstance. Due to the nature of some I cannot go into too much detail on some, but here are a few examples. (These are merely explaining dreams wherein I had violent or extremely painful injuries or death, or dreams that ended up having some real life event that seemed relevant.)

Getting attacked at school by a masked adult and being beaten to death. (this dream hurt...) A few days later a small higher classman punching me in the forehead (completely harmless), I grabbed him and pinned him against a locker, etc etc. Apparently he was paid to do it by a smaller boy who I had gotten in trouble for being a bad person.

Voluntarily jumping off of a bridge, not 'that' painful though. Sharp pain for a fraction of a second after waking up, a headache, and feeling freezing cold despite it being summer. Just worth noting I suppose because it happened during a time in my life where I strongly considered the idea to be a possibility.

When I was very young I had one dream (no correlation to real life or anything like that, just a crappy dream) where I was running trying to not be crushed by a ton of boulders that were running around a track wherein I was trapped. Each time a boulder hit me I felt myself being thrown backwards, the wind being knocked out of me, hitting the ground, etc.

I've also very often had dreams reliving an experience as a child where I was drowning, around the age of 5 or 6. There was a girl next to me on a wakeboard who tried to help, and my mother ran into the lake fully clothed to save me. Whenever I relive the dream it is more uncomfortable than the real situation was. In the real situation I was panicked and trying to struggle to stay above water, but in the dream there is more water in the lungs feeling and coughing and a 'strangulated' feeling.

Anyway: I told you all of that to ask you a few questions coupled into one, the main question being "Why does this crap keep happening?"

Suffice it to say, it's more than mildly inconvenient. For a short period of my life while I was with a girlfriend I almost had no dreams like that, at least that I could remember upon waking. My girlfriend told me I twitched a lot in my sleep regularly, usually more on nights I remembered having nightmares. But the nightmares didn't usually have too much pain in them, mostly just fear (either physical, emotional, whatever).

So.. Few people I know has ever said they feel physical senses while dreaming, and those who did it was very rare and not serious. Any thoughts on why it would hurt or anything of that nature?

What about the unusual correlations between dreams and real life events? My personal explanation has always been that my dreams are based on locations I actually live in, so it is likely that some dreams would end up being similar to something that might happen in real life.

The thing is that most of my dreams that aren't of this nature don't even happen in this "reality", I would always dream about fantasy realms wherein I could perform magics and things of that nature. And in those dreams I could always change everything around me to fit my will, as long as I noticed I was dreaming. Of course this meant I would always immediately start flying anywhere I wanted to go as soon as I realized it was a dream.

And all of this brings me to a final cumulative point that isn't really a question because I don't think anyone can say anything to help it, but who knows. I've always had the feeling of an impending doom, my death. As a child it felt very distant, but something that was always there in the back of my mind if I listened for it. Over time it drew closer, but I became better at blocking it out of my thoughts. This feeling has come to a strength in the past years that has led me to believe that my death would come within 15 years, 12 years, 7 years, etc. At this particular moment it feels even closer than that, though I couldn't put a number on it if I wanted to (which I don't).

So I wonder.. Do you think this is actually death coming for me? Can I fight it? I've tried with some of my deja vu situations to avoid my fate, and sometimes it even worked. All of this is extremely confusing for me, and it's something that I really stopped talking to people about at a moderately young age, because everyone said I was just being a child or something along those lines. Or had a wild imagination, etc.

Part of me thinks that all of this is just dreams, and it all means nothing. Most of the time I completely ignore the concept and refuse to entertain any possibility of any of it being real. But there is always this unsettled feeling deep inside that haunts me.. So really I'm just very, very confused. Any thoughts, opinions, or comments are welcome, from a physical, mental, spiritual, or even psychiatric point of view. For the record, shrinks are always fascinated by talking to me, if that is relevant, though I have never actually seen one "properly", just informal talks with friendly people I encounter.