Hmmm... I just read your question titled "what-does-one-do-with-all-the-deep-secrets-of-our-souls-that-we-absolutely-cannot-share-with-anyone-for-fear-of-hurt" right before I clicked on this topic. Perhaps it was merely a coincidence. I sure hope you don't feel like you're being punished. God doesn't do that; WE do it to ourselves. You've mentioned satanism in your previous post - do you feel like you caused someone else to be ill; hence the MS? Are you feeling responsible, guilt or remorse for things that happened in the past or are you just looking backwards instead of forward because you are down?? Maybe, I'm just thinking about my own experiences. This summer, I was legally blind - having lost the sight in one eye a few years ago. I thought I deserved it because I did NOT or could NOT see what was right in front of my eyes all along or maybe I just turned a blind eye - only seeing the good - either way - I thought I deserved it - never blaming anyone other than myself (just desserts, I thought). Don't get me wrong - I never hurt anyone - the only person who suffered was me and then, I continued to harm myself.. Oh, and by the way, I now have good vision in the eye I could not see out of for quite few years and have hope for the other.

I don't blame you for being down - MS is scary and I sincerely hope it doesn't happen to you. Please stop worrying - it hasn't happened yet and you know as well as I do - worry doesn't solve anything. Yea, easier said than done. From the questions you wrote and I've read here on IQ - I get the feeling you are sooo tormented - a tortured soul. I also think - you are suffering needlessly - mainly by your own hand. Let go of yesterday and don't fear tomorrow - today is what matters.

Why does the thought of a new school frighten you so? You are such a "people-person" - you'll do just fine - actually, you'll do great! A new school may just be the change you need - I believe everything happens for a reason and it will be a good thing. Seize the opportunity. If you go to your new school scared; you will find many things to fear - LOA. I know you are up to the challenge...... .

Another coincidence??? Prior to coming to this site - I was reading worry quotes. I think you'll like this one from Matthew and please don't feel guilty about being angry with God - I'm pretty sure he/she can take it, expects it and actually has gotten used to it - were all mere mortals, after all.

Matthew 6:25-34

New International Version (NIV)

Do Not Worry

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[a]?

28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

I wish you health and happiness, Jai.

Dearest Jai, This too shall pass and you shall smile and be happy again. God cannot desert you for God is within you but you in your fear have momentarily lost the ability to hear and see the love, light and help God is giving you. Faith is needed here and the best thing you can do for yourself right now is to have 100% faith that God can and will solve your problem so just tell God all about it and say this is now yours to find a solution and believe it. Miracles will happen. (It works for me in the most amazing ways)

If for any reason you can't do the above than you need to reconnect and be able to intuit what God is trying to show you, you need to go into the silence. Yes I know it is easier said than done when your mind is racing with all the problems or when depression deadens your love of life.

Try to live in the moment and only give your attention to what is at hand. Lift your vibration through happy music. You shall get a gap through which you will be able to intuit what God is trying to tell and show you so listen to that intuition. If you hear something that keeps coming up or see something repeatedly for a few days take note for your intuition/God is trying to lead you to a solution of your problem. You will be led to people or circumstances so take action and ask for help or what you need.

I wish you a speedy solution and a happy outcome.

jai have faith drop the fear. it is just another lesson think about it why do i fear? is there some real cause to it what are they? if you can put your finger on what is the root of the problem you can fix it or work around it or simply go toward something else that will more suite you. you have free will make wise choice. god has not let you down he gave you free will and you are responsible for it. jai why go in extremes does it serve you? when something is not working it is the time to go with in find the root of the problem and fix it. something are easy to fix some other require more time but when it is fix it brings its own reward. the journey is more important then the target. stand at the beguinning. i have faith in you. now have faith in your self drop the fear and do what must be done.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Lao-tzu, The Way of Lao-tzu Chinese philosopher (604 BC - 531 BC) http://www.quotationspage.com/quote/24004.html

i know you are sick i understand that. we all get sick at some point and need to find solution. but one should not get stuck there in self pity. look at terry fox he could have stay siting down in self pity. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Terry_Fox

but this world would not have been the same with out him.

Addressing the House of Commons, Trudeau said, "It occurs very rarely in the life of a nation that the courageous spirit of one person unites all people in the celebration of his life and in the mourning of his death ... We do not think of him as one who was defeated by misfortune but as one who inspired us with the example of the triumph of the human spirit over adversity".

one should get up and make the steps that are necessary. so make those steps you have free will and are the only one that can make those steps for your self.

Well Jai, i think we all have experienced real fear at some time or other ... here is a quote from Anthony Robbins that i find particularly helpful ..."When you are grateful, fear disappears and abundance appears" :)