I wish I wasn't able to answer this question...I have thought about it all day, weighing the pros and cons of talking about it from such a personal point of view. But, I decided to put a positive spin on it, and decided that the info I could share about this outweighs my own pride on this. Anyway, most of you know I have had my problems, anyway. I guess that is a truth of its own, too.

I suffered severe childhood abuse, and it caused me to develop dissociative identity disorder...or rather, what used to be called Multiple Personality Disorder- just like the woman in the book called "Sybil". My story gives my listeners PTSD just hearing it. It really, truly was that bad. I "split" into at least 29 different and discrete "parts", and have spent many years in counseling, attempting to become one, working cohesive mind. A by-product of my abuse is permanent brain damage, migraine headaches, and depression. I have the dubious distinction of qualifying for Social Security Disability on my first try...(This is also due to my physical disabilities, which do not help anything, either.)

Learning to manifest and think positive has been very, very difficult for me. Moving to Pennsylvania and living up here with Wade and his family has given me my first taste of safety and normalcy in my life. My family of origin was very dysfunctional, and my marriage, which died in 2004, was also one of dysfunction and abandonment. My kids were damaged by my MPD and also my serious illnesses.

My introduction to the "Light" was my desire to learn alternative healing. I first learned Reiki; this led to becoming a Reiki Master/Teacher, Pranic Healing, etc. Wade and I first met as we were both learning Magnussa Phoenix Reiki, and emailed each other as friends in healing, starting about 2004. When Wade, who was already highly knowledgeable about the roots of the LOA, began telling me about this new site called Inward Quest, I began writing there in 2009. It was then that Wade and I became close friends, talking on the phone endlessly about IQ. He was quick to see that I lived a negative existence, was very skeptical deep down, and highly distrustful of anything positive...It was then that I "saw" just how my psychological damage affected my ability to grasp the fact that I had to change my thinking to change my reality.

This is the problem with psychological disease and manifesting: changing one's thinking, after years of abuse, is really a challenge. Everything in me fought and fought and fought against changing, because my thinking was all geared towards defending myself from any possible future abuse!

These defenses are almost a sort of paranoia! My "parts" had served me well in keeping me from feeling the pain of my trauma, and I really had a problem with trusting anything new!

But Wade, bless his heart, was truly a Godsend..he was patient and kind, was logical, and constantly led me by the hand (figuratively at first) through the process of letting go of those defenses. These defenses are illogical to outsiders.But my mind had been on alert for so long, the patterns of thinking were so ingrained, that I really resisted this new and truly healthier way of life for a long time.

By 2010, Wade and I were growing very close as a couple, although he was afraid of getting hurt by yet another woman. (That is his story to tell, if he chooses.) But I grew despite myself, and occasionally asked a question (well actually, I asked a great many questions on IQ...I once dubbed myself "The Queen of Questions" here on IQ...LOL!) that hit the jackpot, and that "reward", and all the great answers, led me onward. How lucky I was, and what a gift from God I had received! My Faith grew, and slowly, like a reluctant flower, my mind began to open, my defenses started to fall as I saw the illogic of my sick thinking.

I know I drove poor Stingray out of his mind! I was always sliding backwards and forwards, but the steps forward started to out-number the steps backward. On Valentine's Day of 2011, I asked Wade the "Big Question". At this point, we were on Skype as long as eight hours a day, and it was clear that we had a relationship. I challenged him on this, and he said, "Well, but we haven't really met yet. "Fine," I replied. "I am flying up to meet you...this Skyping is torture..." I joke that I had to hit him over the head with a 2 x 4 to get him to admit that well, just maybe, yes, I was right. I flew up to PA in March of 2011, and the rest is history. I am telling you this because the story of our relationship is also the story of my reaching true healing. In May, after my knee replacement, I packed up a few things, abandoned my home in Mississippi, and moved to PA to join Wade. Little did I know that the real challenge had just begun.

For the first time in my whole life, I was safe! And because I was safe, I could finally truly see the difference between my thinking, my old behaviors and defenses, and try to enjoy being safe. I immediately found an excellent counselor, and Wade joined me in my counseling, and the three of us began the task of unraveling my obsession and old habits of living. I could not have gotten here without being surrounded by the love of Wade and his parents. I cannot ever express how grateful I am to them and God, too, for this miracle.

So, yes, psychological illnesses and damage do affect one's ability to manifest and to use the LOA. But if you truly try...and I mean try, it can happen.

I am proof.

Miracles are happening every day now. "Godincidences" are frequent. I finally "get it" (I am sure, much to Stingray's relief...)! I do not know if a schizophrenic could do this; I do not know. But I have, and I hope my story will give hope to those with depression, bipolar disorder, or other mental illnesses.

You see, our thoughts create our reality. I see how changing my thoughts quite literally have changed my reality. I was graced with seeing The Mind of God, and this went a long way towards helping me see just how important thinking and thought really are to reality.

I thank everyone here on IQ for your patience, teaching, support, love, and even points! My erratic behavior is due in part to my MPD (DID). I am a new creation, now named as a whole person called Jaianniah...I am planning to officially change my first name to mark this event.

Blessings, and all my Love,

Your Jai

To Wade: You are a great Gift...a Great Man...a Great human being. Thank you, thank you, thank you. To IQ: Thanks for helping me grow. Thanks for your prayers when I almost died back in 2009. I would not be here to write this without all of you.

All negative emotions are rooted in fear and as such will only allow manifestations that vibrate at that frequency. Undoubtedly the implications can only be that what is attracted can only ever be what isn't wanted ( since the LOA is always operating ) whether we're conscious of it or not.

Our own self delusions are the only thing that prevent us from seeing the wonder and totality of All that Is. The varying degree of those delusions within us, as a race, determines to what degree we experience reality. When those delusions are seen through only then can we truly experience Heaven on Earth, and every human has this capability...some just believe those delusions more than others and are labelled as having a mental disorder.

well snow i would say that if you experience only one part of the truth and stay rebuke against the rest of the truth then you are delusionnal. example: someone beliving only on words and another one beliving only on math would each thing that the other is delusionnal. but in fact they would both be delusionnal. another example i could give you is the movie paul http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29d7r6u03tU&feature=related the alien thinks only evolution created the universe and the christian think that only god created the universe and they do not accept the others point of view. but in fact they are both right at different degree. evolution only being a result of god creation. but in truth i tell you they should seek the keystone. 66. Jesus said, "Show me the stone that the builders rejected: that is the keystone."

http://www.gnosis.org/naghamm/gosthom.html

experience and enjoy.

Snow, the truth is...

Individuals who have suffered a pattern of alienation in childhood, are subject to acquiring chronic anxieties that will cause major offsets in their career path.

According to my research, chronic anxiety is now the single most debilitating disease and/or disease exacerbating condition the world has ever known...

I currently estimate that more than 15% of the world's population suffers from the condition. That means that more than a billion people are now living with diseases that were both initiated and fueled by chronic anxiety -- and are daily suffering from those mounting health-destroying and career-debilitating side-effects.

I saw this situation coming more that 20 years ago...

That's when I could begin to foresee and forecast the events of 2010 -- the year that the primary CAUSES of the whole range of combined, accumulated and exacerbated international social and economic anxieties...

a). Attention Deficit Disorders. b). Systematic Substance Abuses. c). Post Traumatic Stress Disorders. d). The Epidemic of Chronic Disease. e). Hyperactive Personality Disorders.

... would ultimately become the foundation and footing for the longest-lasting and most devastating international monetary crisis the world has never known!

How did I know? Because I'm a future forecaster... have been all my life. A Prophet some say... and I knew of a certainty as far back as 1989, that the global crisis of 2010 would last until at least 2020... probably longer.

it is the preponderance of a thought
that has a compensation on the thinker
if our world is but an illusion
how off could your interpretations
of it be