Hi Nikulas With regards to leaving the Inward Quest, there were no conditions placed upon you when you came here.

But now, this place is intertwined with your personal journey towards yourself.

Because of this it will be a part of you for the rest of your life.

You cannot un-know what you know.

Besides, 4years of your life is just a mere drop measured against the waterfall of life.

You will most likely secretly visit this place many times in the future and ask yourself, "should I participate? And if I do what will they think? (since I said my Goodbye).

If and when that happens don't feel obliged to explain, because, as I said, there were no conditions upon you to participate here the first time.

You are welcome to walk in among us any time and pick-up where you left off.

You are always welcome, as anyone else is around here.

See You Soon, (when you are ready).

if I pursue my studying she believes I could end up insane

...then you'll fit right in with the the rest of us ;)

There's no right or wrong path in life. It's all personal choice in the end. So I wish you all the very best regarding this particular choice, Nikulas. It's been a pleasure having you ask insightful and intelligent questions that I'm sure many have benefited from.

One thing I have found though is that life doesn't progress in phases or chapters but rather in spirals. We just keep looping back around again and again to the same old subjects/issues throughout our life but from different viewpoints...like walking around an art exhibit in the center of a gallery room to see it from different sides.

So don't be surprised if you find yourself back here - or somewhere similar to here - sooner than you think ;)

You have contributed more to this site and to me personally that you even know Nikulas. I think you have asked some of the best questions on Inward Quest, which helped me look inside of myself and see what improvements I could make from your asking. You seem to be a very caring individual who has far more knowledge about this thing we call "human life" than can be realized.

We all come upon different forks in the road throughout our journey of existence, and have to make the decision that feels right deep down inside. It sounds like you are making a decision that is right for you at this time and I wish you all the best in whatever direction it takes you in.

I truly feel that you will get all the desires and the things that you want in your life. You are still a very young man and have a lot of time to work things out. I too struggled greatly with life and female relationships when I was in my late teens and early 20's. I also know it was a growth period for me that pushed me into a completely different direction. So I know how it feels to believe that "nothing I do seems to work." But if you truly believe in yourself deep down inside, and give yourself credit for even the smallest accomplishments in life, you will eventually discover the fork in the road that leads you to all your wildest desires and dreams.

You are a Master Creator Nikulas. You have created great questions and answers that stimulated our minds and helped us look at ourselves in different ways. You have created a group of people who care for you and want you to succeed in everything you do. You have created a great expansion in the universe of creation.

I think you have done some great stuff in the broad scope of things myself. I know you will find your way and I send you much love and endless appreciation!

Nikulas,

you and your psychologist are right about the fact, that at some point of time in your spiritual journey you will reach the place of emptiness, where nothing really matters and all inspiration, reasons and motivation to do anything is gone.

The day you get there, if you choose to go that far, will be most probably your worst day ever lived, but paradoxically, your best one as well. From your ego perspective, which contains all your reality, you might feel great pain and hopelessness. At least that's what happened to me. The need (which is scripted into our reality so heavily) for having a meaning and not finding one for anything, can cause a great deal of desperation and depression. It's as if you were born again, and you come out screaming and crying. But when you calm down, you will find it amazingly beautiful. For it will become emptiness that fulfills you.

And from there on, you shall know that...

All things are equal and even though nothing really matters, you are free to choose things to matter to you. Understand that whatever you choose to be important to you for whatever reason, is your own conscious choice, which if not experienced and enjoyed as initially desired can be changed or let go of at will. Without any fears, or regrets.

When you live without fears and regrets, you will first-handily experience the secret of existence. Living then becomes easy and effortless.

Nonetheless of what I wrote above, I wish you that the wind always be at your back, the sun upon your face and may the winds of destiny carry you aloft to dance with the stars! ;-)

Hello Nikulas, You are right whatever your choice is because only you know where your rest is and above anything your health and clearness is the most important.

Just want to tell you wherever your path will be do not ever try to chase the meaning of life, no one could make it and we are not here to illustrate life but experience it and what is life anyway?!

Bunch of events, faces and people, actions and reactions and and and money love sex and however it will be always his/her/their point of view so only draw your point of view.

One year ago I quit reading spiritual books because I experienced what you did and I only get emptiness and more thirstiness and when I found this site things were easier on my soul because people here are seeking too and not preaching so at least I am not facing the pain of wisdom. Wow people here are like me suffering, struggling and I can communicate with them and to be honest sometimes I quit the site a little bit when I feel confused but I can't say goodbye, I always come back for I have no other alternative and I am really build myself here without big expectations and whatever my outcome will be, I am only trying.

It is good that you are working with therapist and continue on meditating because when the journey of spiritual starts it will never end it is like a curse but I love this curse.

Good luck where you are and will be, and be ease on yourself and your soul do not put big expectation or try to figure everything out just enjoy it.

What you see a failure I see a sensitive pure character, you will find your truth because after the doubt there is will be a huge belief I promise and all the prophets jounryes start from a doubt.

GOD BLESS YOU.

Nikulas, it must be understood that the work we speak of here can be heavy and intense for a shift of thought. If you are having your own battles and trying to have this transformation it is too much at once. What is most important is you and your health.

I am sorry Conversations With God shook you up, remember I said it is more like Conversations with Neal Donald Walsh's subconscious. There is a lot of good as we all have locked up in there but as well a lot of filtering through his perception and understanding as well. That is why I said only what rings true or you could have compared it with scripture wherever contradicted you could say no, but you are in no place for that even, you have your own battles to win.

I remember when I went into a depression years ago I shut down all my spiritual study and writing when I was on the net I worked on old Atari 2600 video games turning them into new games changing the graphics around and sometimes if I found it the sounds too. There were other hackers far better that could change a lot more and totally morph a video game to something totally new. Mine where more just different graphics.

What I am trying to say is sometimes we all need to take a break and let ourselves be healed and wiped clean and clear. You are seeing a therapist and that is good, listen to this person this is a guide that will help you if you let him/her help.

I needed that new start and it seems you do now as well. Get back to what you enjoy and stop trying to figure out things, there is a time for everything. This is now a time for rest for you. I know what I stopped a few years ago it may have been a year or more I had nothing to do with spiritual studies or writing. If it does take that long, don't feel guilty that is your time that you need.

I'll say prayers for you and I believe Jai will as well with me. Everything will be cool, you have sought the help you need and are taking it, good for you, now you get better and do what is right for you. Best of luck with where ever you go and whatever you decide to do. :-)

Bye Nikulas, you will come through this, we believe in you. Take Care.....

Your always manifesting/creating perfectly Nikulas.The universe is bringing you what you want right now in the most efficient way possible in line with your beliefs.This action your taking now is probably a step closer to them which is why it feels good/right.

Don't get hung up on trying to understand all this stuff Nikulas.As Eckart Tolle says the mind is not really designed to understand it.It can only rationalise and label.BEING/ONENESS/WHO WE REALLY ARE, can only be FELT anyway.

Meditation is good.It will keep you sensitised to what feels good and help you keep going the right way. Remember every action that feels good is taking you closer to what you want Nikulas.It doesn't have to be a manifesting method.You probably built up so much frustration round these methods now anyway.

I have enjoyed your questions and answers on IQ Nikulas.i wish you peace love and happiness. Hope this is not end:)

Hi Nikulas, my visits to and participation on IQ comes in waves. Sometimes the wave holds me here for a while and other times the wave holds me away; I just go with the flow...

Many kind and wise words have been spoken by your friends here in answers to this very post. There's not really much else I can say or add to what's already been said. Instead I leave you with a poem that's helped me on many occasions when I've been feeling down.

Don't Quit

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're treading seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit --
Rest if you must, but don't you quit!

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a person turns about,
When they might have won had they stuck it out,
Don't give up though the pace seems slow --
You may succeed with another blow,
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victors cup;
And he learned too late when the night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown!

Success is failure turned inside out!
So stick to the fight when you are hardest hit!
It’s when things seem worst that you mustn't quit!

Edgar A. Guest - 1881 - 1959

Remember: From the perspective of who you really are, it is impossible for you to fail, because you have already succeeded ♥

If this feels like the right thing to do for you, then it's the right thing to do. Just follow your joy regardless what anyone else says. Good luck.

See you around, Nikulas. Always loved your Q's and A's here. I'm really glad that you're doing this since you feel its a step in the right direction. Just do what you need to do.

Good luck, I'm wishing you all the best!:)

Thank you so much for this post. For the past 48 hours I have really been struggling, but I could not put my finger on why. I have recently woken up in the mornings everytime feeling so empty. I cant bring myself to pick up my books, they've exhausted me over the past four years and altho Im not depressed (or even worse), I just simply cannot take anymore. Ive lost faith in everything at the moment. I feel, weirdly, that something is ending (I know it sounds dramatic but this is the only way to explain it.) But I stress again, im not depressed or anything. I feel there is no way back from what is going to happen now. Im not going to leave inward quest, but I too think I will take a rest from the site (even if I dont log in, I read and receive e-mail every day), I want to question my faith in things as Im not feeling the same way about things anymore. Im not religious but if you are, God bless you. xxx

Nikulas, I am sad that you won't be contributing here for now. You will be misse. I do understand that you need to do what you think is best. I hope that you understand that you are responsible for your own happiness. Please don't look to others, including a mate, to find happiness. Be true to yourself. Peace and love

Dear Nikulas,

Will miss you but your health is a lot more important than what we here think. Do whatever you need to and get better soon. I'm sure that with your therapists help you will find the peace of mind you are seeking.

If one day you do decide to return than you shall be welcomed with open arms and a lot of curiosity. You are loved Nik. Go with God.

we are who we are and the universe lets us see things and make relationships and all of these are hard to move on or away from but when u see how my source explains it is just fine. Even though we feel sad when we are away or disconnected from people we are still one with them all and even in death we will be together. So I will miss u but i will understand that u are not gone, just experienced in a different way/ We miss ur contributions and warmth but we will understand u are here in heart and energy. Love n light 2 u my dear friend and what is best for u and ur happiness is best for us all in a collective way.

" […] if you follow your heart, your heart is connected directly to your higher self and soul. And your soul knows better than anyone, for you. It knows better than the wisest, or longest living entity in this universe. Because it IS you, it is part of you and it is what you need. So follow the heart and you will never be lead wrong." ........... — Treb Bor Yit-NE

remeber these words and guide urself.

love and light (wisdom)

rob

Niki- I will miss you. I think we all will miss you.

But I am very happy that you are in counseling- it seemed to me that you were always looking for happiness, and IQ just cannot conjure happiness for everyone.

I can relate to your situation. I have been taking a little break from IQ- not completely- but I have been feeling that I needed to "catch my breath" and take stock.

I wish you well. Please check in from time to time.

I truly, truly will miss you!

Jai

I like and agree with Stingray's remark that life progresses in spirals. I used to wonder if we go around in a circle and hit a barrier, aka "Dark Night of the Soul", aka "Chapel Perilous". The barrier can either be a stopping place -- a resting place, or a ramp up to another level of understanding.

Both are valid.

Whichever one you are facing, go where your happiness leads you. I like to lie in a field and look up at the sky until I feel I am looking down. Or sit by a river and stay there until I find something that makes me over-the-top grateful.

I appreciate and like your youthful viewpoints. But respect your decision. You will be missed. You are where you are supposed to be. You are where you planned to be. You are doing extremely well.

We are a part of each other. Indivisible.

You don't have to swim, you can just float. I have a friend who started a Camp on Tobago island. He taught "drown proofing." It is simple. You float with your face in the water and relax, conserve your energy. When you need a breath, raise your head and take in a lung full of clean, bright air.

Then back, face down in the water, relax. You can do this for a very long time, or you can fight to keep your head constantly above water until you have no energy left.

The choice is always yours, my young friend.

Hey Nikulas - we pray you have the best of futures you wish to choose. We all are the same! Take care...

Yes...there's some pretty heavy stuff here/Inward Quest...but the same feelings and results can happen in many situations. The "break up of a relationship, the death of a loved one, many kind of losses can throw us into "dark mental places". I call that "depression" a normal stage "of being." We have to take our "deep thoughts" to other places to figure it ALL out.

Hope your new journey is pleasant

Farewell dear, for we are all insane. There is no normal out there. There is just consensus of the time. What we are saying now could be crazy in the future. Be true to yourself, like yourself, and admire yourself. And never run from yourself.

Hi Nikulas, we haven't talked much but I wish you all the best!!

Now I hope my reply doesn't seem mean or anything. It's not my intention. I just want to help you without adding too much spiritual stuff.... so here goes...

Now reading from your topic... it seems like you're still looking for a girl... You mention trying to get a gf and also coming back to IQ when you get a kiss.. I think.. I can see it as something above a the level of a minor issue for you.. don't know..

However... I just happen to have read your post just a couple nights ago. Here it is: http://www.inwardquest.com/questions/14050/was-i-meant-to-be-single/43872

What happened? I guess you'll be taking a break from IQ also then? You seem so full of promises in that post however it seems like something happened. It has been a long time so yeah totally.

Anyways I hope this post you wrote will help you out, maybe remember the fun stuff you did. Best of luck.