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I know a man who is always angry. I feel bad for him; he does not realize that his anger is eating him alive. I know I cannot change him- he has to want to change himself! But I ask this question because we all sometimes get angry about certain things from time to time. How does a person turn that anger around into acceptance and peace? I am hoping this question will help people who are angry. They say, "Anger eats its own container!" How true! In Peace, Jai
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I also pray for understanding and focus. MY understanding and MY focus! There was a middle aged waitress where I went for breakfast. She seemed angry most of the time. I began to focus on her as I wanted her to be. I saw the side(s) of her that I liked. She was efficient and fast getting the food to me, but she just walked up, dropped the plates with a clatter and walked off without a word. I focused on her efficiency, speed and ignored the rest. I spoke her name and left a tip. I appreciated her speed and efficiency. I saw this as her way of caring. I praised these attributes to her. One day, she brought my breakfast, set it down gently, looked at the runny eggs, and said, "This is not right. I am going to have the chef redo this. Will be right back with your breakfast. Have some free toast while I take this back to the kitchen!" Her speed and efficiency improved even more and she began to lighten up. Look at the parts of an angry person. Praise the parts you like. Those parts grow. LOA! BTW, I ALWAYS leave a minimum of a new five dollar bill for a tip, even if I am only having a cup of coffee. Always. TIP is an acronym "To Improve Performance". I know that poor service is usually not rewarded, but this can make an increasing poor service loop. The waitstaff has below average service, so they don't get a tip. This can get them into a feeling that, since they are not being rewarded for their service, they will give even poorer service and receive even less reinforcement. The five dollar tip is magical! When I return to the same restaurant, I am given VIP service! When I go on a cruise ship, I tip the people who will be serving me, in advance. Cabin stewards, room cleaning, table servers and I tell them I want exceptional service and there will be even more money for them at the end of the cruise. You would not believe the service I get! Most people tip stingily at the end of the cruise. While my waitstaff example is about a certain area, I try to apply the principles to other occasions. Find something about the angry person you can praise, but it should be genuine. Do you like their smile? The color of their hair? Their efficiency? If you look, there is something genuinely beautiful in anyone and everyone! It may take a few times for this to sink in with them, and sometimes they will, at first, be suspicions. They likely receive so little praise that they don't know how to respond appropriately. make a game of it. And I do not bond nor respond to anyone trying to share misery. I go blank. No feedback, and change the subject. Is it my desire to help people with their problems? Not really. I know if I seek situations where people need help, I will attract people with problems. I have a good friend who is a single psychologist. He was at a party and a really beautiful woman came up to him and began pouring out her problems. She seemed quite interested in him. He listened for a few minutes and walked away without saying anything. I asked him why he was rejecting such a beautiful woman? He calmly replied, "I would treat her if she came to my clinic, but I have no interest in knowing a person with all her problems, socially." You can praise or you can walk away. A very interesting answer Dollar Bill and I agree seek something you like in everyone you meet.
(29 Apr '12, 13:07)
Paulina 1
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I pray for them. The Bible says to pray for your enemies and those who dispitefully use you. When I pray for the people who I am angry at, I feel a lot better. It's hard to stay mad at people while you are praying for them. |
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Dear Jai, There are many reasons why people can get angry and some have issues with anger management. The bodies response to anger is flight or fight which means certain stress hormones are released to prepare the person for this. In our modern world most people sit and stew which causes damage to our bodies and minds. One of the best things for anger management is exercise. When one gets angry it is best to get mooving weather a walk or run or any activity one preferes. Of course this isnt allways possible when one is at work sitting in front of a computer monitor but as soon as one can it will be good to move. It is advisable to go on an anger management course and these days there are quiet a few for this will improve health. |
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If something or someone creates anger in you wait calmly for 24 hours, then after waiting for 24 hours ... whatever comes to you go and do it
Very wise answer ! Thanks for the reminder. Waiting 24 hours is darn good advice. @Jaz I read this 12 hrs ago & a few hours ago I was given the opportunity to practice your sage advice. I can't say what I'm feeling is exactly anger but I know from experience waiting 24 hours usually changes how I feel & how I respond. If not ~ "whatever comes to you go and do it" This is what I really needed to hear. Thanks !
(01 Mar '16, 18:06)
ele
"This is what I really needed to hear" but as usual, I didn't go with my first thought.
(23 Apr '16, 02:49)
ele
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What is the person angry about? if one is angry about something he should figure out what it is? if is anger is justify or not? and if he can change it? or if he cannot change it then how to by pass it, the only time that one cannot change something is when he does not own that choice or when he does not have the resource or capability to do it. if one is able to pass over the problem that cause him anger then he should not be angry any more if he is not able to do it. Then is he angry about is own lack? then why seek something out side of him self to blame and be angry at? then I would say that person enjoy being angry and think that being angry will serve is per pace. or that person is very weak and need to have that angry attitude to show himself as powerful when he is not. if one know himself he can know other if one does not know him self he cannot know other. Then why judge other and be angry at them for your own lack? how can you justify this? are you angry at your own imperfection then use that energy on your self to better your self with in and with out. to work only on outside thing does not correct your own lack then do not think to become perfect when you seek imperfection to work on only on the outside. since one cannot make something more perfect then himself. but one can work on himself to improve himself. I will tell you a story to illustrate this. A man was walking in the forest enjoying himself looking at the bird in the sky he hit is foot on a little white stone he falled down hit himself on a tree. then he was mad and angry started to blame and judge the tree the little white stone and the bird. then he sit down and was still accusing the white stone in front of him, the little white stone remained silent and asked the man why do you accuse me of making you fall. I did not move the tree did not move and the bird are in the sky they did not make you fall. then who can you blame for your fall? was it that you add a lack of perception in your self because you where enjoying your self to much and did not see your surrounding? and tripped over me. then why blame me for your own error? I understand your hurt and you being angry of your down fall. I did not blame you for kicking me with your foot, the tree did not blame you for broking a branch when you falled. the bird did not blame you for making noise that disturb them. if you are able to be angry like this when their is no one like you to blame what is it going to be when you are among your own kind and they do the same? Did I speak the truth to you or are you still angry at me? Or should I remain silent and let you to your fate? if you reject me I will respect your choice. even if you blame me about it, it will not change. the choice is yours use the time imparted to you wisely. Let there be light, be the light that you can be, experience and enjoy. |
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The Chinese believe that anger is the wind that blows out the lamp of the mind. My advice to dealing with someone who is angry: If you can, get them to have something to eat. Eating will calm them down. People get angry for a reason. Find out what that reason is and sort it! The problem is when you carn't sort it I am not one for an anger management class. All that will do is calm you down and you still have your problem. Remove the problem and the anger will go away. Take care Chris " Eating will calm them down." I agree with that. I know when I get stressed or frustrated, I forget to eat. I also have a friend who gets a bit snarky when they need to be fed :)
(23 Apr '16, 02:25)
ele
"Anger blows out the lamp of the mind." Robert Green Ingersoll's quote is one of my fav's too. He was an agnostic, agnostic apologist, lawyer, & orator. The quote is from the book "Christian Religion and Enquiry". If anyone would like to read it you can get at no cost at Amazon if you have a Kindle. Most people are only familiar with the part you quoted . The entire quote goes like this ~
(23 Apr '16, 02:30)
ele
"Kindness is strength. Good-nature is often mistaken for virtue, and good health sometimes passes for genius. Anger blows out the lamp of the mind. In the examination of a great and important question, every one should be serene, slow-pulsed, and calm. Intelligence is not the foundation of arrogance. Insolence is not logic. Epithets are the arguments of malice."
(23 Apr '16, 02:31)
ele
http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/r/robertgree149228.html http://www.quotationspage.com/quote/34356.html Link for a free copy if you have a kindle or you can download an app if interested. http://www.amazon.com/The-Christian-Religion-An-Enquiry/dp/1514293390
(23 Apr '16, 02:44)
ele
anger is lack of understanding. since no one likes when someone is angry at them. yet if they are angry at you it is because they are angry at them self. and are not able to be at peace with them self and are not able to be merciful to them self then they are utterly lacking them self and you. it would be better for them self to find that peace in them self. and be still. first clean the inside of the cup and the outside will also be clean. if you are not able to calm the storm inside and find-
(23 Apr '16, 14:54)
white tiger
what you are lacking to better your self. then fighting the storm outside is a lost and futile fight.Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.
(23 Apr '16, 14:56)
white tiger
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Good question Jai.
Thank you, Jai, I am honored.