My dear,

Your pain has been evident through any number of your posts. You are obviously very uncomfortable in your own skin, and also want and need constant approval from those around you...when they disapprove, your self-worth collapses, and you shrivel and want to die for the self-hatred you feel.

This is a shame.

Why does love matter so much to you?

The love of other people, I mean.

God loves you. GOD DOESN'T MAKE JUNK!!!!! You are a worthy person who has taken responsibility for all sorts of happenings that were actually NOT YOUR FAULT. Nobody is THAT bad.

I suggest that you go inot a small room, and lock the door. I suggest that you get down on your knees and start talking- I mean really talking- to your God. In the end, I want you to praise Him for giving you life, and I want you to thank Him for already seeing that your future is going to be better. Why? Because you are seeking and you are asking questions, and you will learn- that's why.

Please stop hating yourself so bad. It is really a waste of time. Instead, start changing what yu do not like about yourself, and let go of the past. There is nothing you can do about the past at all. It is gone.

So let it go.

I pray for you with all my heart-Hang tough, sweetie-

Jaianniah ♥♥♥♥♥

I've often wondered similar things (does one receive good or bad fortune in this life according to their moral choices or worth), and have searched for answers in the ancient texts and spiritual traditions.

The consensus confirms exactly what Stingray said in the sense that the Law of Attraction is completely impersonal. I think what happens, at least it is what happened to me, is that people confuse God himself, the Creator or Originating Spirit, with the LOA. Of course the LOA was created by God along with the rest of the Universe and its laws, but interpreting every instance of bad fortune as a judgment on your moral worth handed down from God is kind of like tripping over a tree root and then thinking God made you trip because you were bad. God certainly created the law of gravity, but your tripping because of that law doesnt mean it happened due to moral reasons.

The ancient Greeks, Hermeticists, Jews, Christians, as well as the medieval and renaissance philosophers believed in a concept termed the Anima Mundi, or Universal Soul. The Yogis refer to it as Vijnanamaya Kosha. The alchemists referred to it as mercury, or water, in their systems. The Buddhists have an exactly corresponding concept. The Universal Soul was created by God, soon after Creation, as a subservient Operating Principal, Substance, or Organ. It is not the same thing as God himself. It is on this level that LOA operates, and it is completely impersonal. This is why some famous successful people can still be mean and nasty...God did not reward them for their meanness...all they needed was confidence and faith and belief to succeed. (their personal lives, however, if you notice, will turn out to be not as successful if they are mean people). Simple LOA at work, at least to my mind.

The afterlife may be another matter...there may be judgment at that point, who knows? Maybe there is Heaven, or reincarnation, or Valhalla. I have no experience or authority on that subject.

But I think confusing God with every LOA manifestation in the physical reality could really drive one crazy, especially one with religious convictions. I know that it almost did to me at one point.

I also firmly believe, and I think history has shown, that God can personally intervene in the affairs of the world if He so chooses, and in extraordinary ways. I was raised an agnostic, but something happened to me in my mid twenties which revealed to me beyond a doubt that God is definitely real, and he can definitely intervene instantly and dramatically when he so chooses.

Regarding forgiveness, Wade said it perfectly. Just ask God, and it will be forgiven. "Ask and it is given." Then try to be a good as person as you can in the future, so you will feel worthy of that forgiveness.

You are not so bad that you are unforgivable. Even a murder can repent and ask Jesus to be his personal savior. He will be forgiven as Jesus died for all our sin all, you are forgiven just ask Jesus and you are forgiven. He says go and sin no more, we all fall but when we come back to God then God rejoices! Read the story of the Prodigal Son in the Bible.

One very easy way to feel better is to do EFT or better yet FasterEFT. It is a perfect remedy for all of us who get caught up in self judgment and criticism. Look for "Robert Smith EFT" on YouTube. I am wishing you the best.

God is with us always. We are all a part of All that is. Separation is an illusion, therefore being cut off from God is an illusion.

We create our reality with our beliefs, our emotions and thoughts. Therefore if our reality is 'bad' then it comes from 'bad' thinking, beliefs. That doesn't make you a bad person, it just means your thoughts are taking you where you don't want to go.

Ultimately, you control your beliefs, thoughts and emotions. If you want to change your reality, change your beliefs, thoughts and emotions. If you seek forgiveness, forgive yourself. Learn to love yourself.

How do you love yourself? Well, how would you know if you were loved by God, or by another person? Answer that and then do that for yourself, as long as it is not destructive.