A few years ago I met a man who I would be with for the following few years. The whole experience has been incredibly beautiful, painful and surreal. We started out as friends talking over the phone without ever have seen any photos of one another. This lasted a few months until we met.

The moment we met, it was slow motion, we gazed in each others eyes and felt like we had always known each other. We felt safe, and peaceful and fully ourselves with one another. Nothing romantic from my end and I thought we were both on the same page.

Shortly after, I moved in with him as his roommate. A few weeks after that he confessed to finally finding me, his soul mate and that I was the "one". It was a bumpy ride the moment I moved in with him as his roommate and friend. He fell into a depression as I was dating another man and would not be with him. I recall telling him at one point that we would never stand a chance at being together. Flash forward, 7 months later, I moved out due to his pain of us not being together and never thought I would see or speak to him again.

He moved away shortly after. After a few months of not hearing from one another, I started to recall how sweet and loving he had been towards me and how I could have been more sensitive with the situation. I contacted him and apologized for my actions and wished him well. A few weeks after that, I had to go to court to pay off a ticket. While I sat there in the morning waiting for my turn, I was looking around observing people.

Suddenly, I was somewhere else. I was at a farmers market picking cherries. It was a sunny day and I was slightly older. A 3-4 year old little girl with dirty blond/light brown hair (I have dark brown) was tugging at my legs saying "mommy mommy" and I looked at her and said "go to daddy"... Suddenly I'm looking at it from a different angle in slow motion as this little girl runs over to her daddy and the first thing I see is his hands, then he lifts her up and I finally his face. It was my friend who later became my love in real life.

I snapped back to reality - the court and had the most peaceful feeling I had ever felt. We did get involve, had the most intense connection and bond. We were the closest to each other, ever yet the relationship didn't last due to the trauma we went through as children that later resurfaced between us, along with issues with a cult he was raised in. We haven't seen each other in 4 years, but the deep emotional connection continued and we still had an emotional relationship. We still loved one another, up until a few months ago - he was giving me very confusing mixed messages wanting to built trust, make peace and amends, yet saying he has no feelings but will always love me and that I am no longer the one.

He said he wanted to be my friend and hear of my life progressing, yet broke down in tears when I refused any form of friendship from that point on.

My question: Why did it feel like we had always known one another from the moment we locked eyes? Why has it been impossible to let each other fully go? What took place at the courtroom - was that a vision? Was it a premonition? Or was it the little girl within me reaching out to him because she felt safe with him at that time? If it was the little girl within me, why was the little girls hair dirty blond/light brown?