How come bb2 suspended their account? :-(

Love the thoughts, link & Osho quotes which I'm going to post. Both resonate with me. Thanks, blu.

"You have to remember that freedom is the highest value, and if love is not giving you freedom then it is not love.” ~Osho

“You need not worry whether the other loves you in return or not. Never ask for love; love comes, and it comes a thousand-fold. You go on giving and it comes.” ~Osho

@blu I think the 1st quote is certainly applicable in this particular situation & I guess you 'knew' & the reason you chose the article you did. You always seem to know. "control" was my first thought. The 2nd quote is applicable to all.

I am honest with you until she decide of her own free will to stop playing that game and help her self there is nothing that you can do.The best thing that you can do for you and her is to not let it affect you.You need to be the one in control,since she is making a hell for her and you.And she will fight and hate you for that you can be sure of that.But what do you want to do?It is good of you to help and love other,but are you ready to do what it takes every second of your life in this world-

seeking to build something for the booth of you when you know that she will make every effort to make you fall and fail of her own free will? when usely she should help you and be with you. You have free will and the choice is your's.But if you are not able to help her find someone that will that is the lest you can do.

thank you so much for your response i would like to ask you womemore questions if you could thanks so very much

@ocnhed62 : Sure, what are your other questions?

thanks again Oceansize your comment made alot of sense to me and i will trust in the source . I would like your opinion on something i\its now been almost 60 days sine i have heard from her i text her but she does not respond only ocne she said im hesitant to go back to what we had its been three weeks since that text i dont know if i should send her flowers for valentines day tomorrow, i dont want her to think that dont care about her but also i dont want to hate me more this is a sad ordeal

People with borderline Personality Disorder cant feel love although they want to but there demons tell them to get out before you get hurt she is definaely pushing me away we have no closure she never even said goodbye just stopped answering the phone and my texts it kills me that people can do this like i was nothing to her i gave her everythimg i guess it was to much for her that someone could love her even with her illness. it was like she was here one day and gone the next like a dream.

If you can give me any guidance it would be nice by the way My login name is OCNHED short for Oceanhead wahat a trip yours is Ocean size

It's not that you are nothing to her, imo. I think when people are in "self-preservation" mode, it is easy to "block" things out.

Hello OceanSize, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart that you take your time to help me. It means more than you know, Im gonna kind of be long on this question if yiu dont mind i want to give you a brief history. The last time i seen her was a very bad day for both of us its going on 90 days but 6o days of no response. She was hit by a car one day at recievd a broken leg. I rushed to the hospital it killed me seeing her thier she looked like an old lady on her dying bed.

She looked like my grandmother who is 90 90 lbs hair graying skin with bruises like older diabetics get her skin so fraile. It brang tears to my eyes it does right now as i write this. But you know i lookedked pass that i loved this woman i fell in love with her soul. I so looked foward to taking care of her i was gonna hire someone during the day to take care of her needs. I was in love. I wanted to take care of the person i loved.I brought her home two days later.

Whn we got home i told her to lay down and let me fix some dinner and i will also go get your pain killers and other meds she nedded. I came back was trying to open the bottle of pain killers for her she got made and said she could do it. I said ok. She opened them but they spilled everyehere. She after i picked them all up . she counted them one was missing. I dont do drugs, but in her ming i stole the pill. I live in a condo where evrything is heard. She said she wanted to go, but where i do

Where she was gonna go i have no idea. But she was shouting at the top of her lungs you are a drug addict you stole my pill how can you do this to someone who almost got killed she said this over and over. My neibors were hearing this. At taht very moment i know i had enough. She has done this type of stuff in public before. Its unacceptable i tried to reason with her but to no avail. I asked if she could not calm down to please get your stuff when you can and get out of here

After thinking about it for a few min i calmed down and apologized. BTW i found the pill after looking for awhile. She said the only reason i found the pill was because she was gonna call the police. WOW. She slepted on the couch next morning i went to work came home she was gone.AGAIN for th 20th time. I called her several days later she was happy to hear from me i wanted to see her but she said no. she said that all her family hates me. for what i did.

I must ad that early in our relationship she had a job at a temo agency that she did not like. I told her to quite if she wwanted to i make more than enoughto take care of us so she quite.I let her have acces to my bank accts, she never took a dime only spent money when nedded on essntials.But she would always give me back the card saying that i was acussing her of taking money, never once did i do that never. My point is i feel she told her family that i made her quite her job and then kicked

then kicked her out of our place so not true. She was the victim. typical behaviour. We never talked on the phone she did not like talking on the phone ocassionally she did. I got to the point of what the hell is going on here. If we love eachother why are we not togrther letting me help her. I got very upset one day and said you need help you have Borderline Personality Disorder. I am not gonna deal with this behaviour anymore.. She wined and said she has to much goin on with getting her leg

Better. i said so you will not get help she said no. thats the last time i heard from her. Going on 60 days. I sent her many texts to make sure she was ok and that she had not attempted suicide again. Her daughter moved back from New York to take care of her. I always wondered why her family does not live here on the island i live in waikiki in oahu. I always sked about her friends she sais she did not like hanging out with them. she has been here 40 years and she has nobody, that starting think

Sorry this is long but to the final chapter I sent her 4 dozen roses. I did not her from her. i texted her several times no response hours later i get a response I GOT THE FLOWERS thats it. Nothing more i texted several more times just to see how she is doing and to let her know that im here for her and that my love has never stopped. I asked many of times to please let me know where we stand ie;I asked her to tell me so that i can move on and get some closure

I asked her all you have to say is stop texting stop calling, i dont love you anymore, or i found someone else. She will not respond to any of it She will not give me closure. She will not say anything nothing. It kills me that it was like i was nothing to her. I feel i deserve an answer so that i can move on . at the same time i dont want her to feel like i dont love her anymore and leave her like everyone has. Im her only one true friend and probaly the only man that truelly loved her.

OceanSize I feel in my heart that i have done everything i can to make this woman realize that im here to stay until our last dying breath. I think its in my best interst to give myself closure and move on. Im not a quitter but it has taken a toll on me. Im exhausted and i feel like i lost myself in the process. I just dont want to go through my life did i do enough to save this special love.Thanks for kisteng any feedback would be appreciated. It truelly kills me that i cant give

The only true thing that matters in life LOVE

Thanks Chuck

I am sure that others here would agree that letting go and moving on for now is the best thing you can do for both of you. Sacrificing yourself and being a martyr is not a healthy form of love. It's unfortunate because for her to have lived like this for so many years makes me wonder that she is being enabled. Meaning, she's going to have to hit "her" rock bottom until she realizes something has to change.

It does not seem like she understands or is even aware of the consequences of her destructive behavior. There is a very intense website called: www.gettinbetter.com. This therapist specializes in BPD, and has some very harsh insight. When I read the articles, it honestly made me feel hopeless. But, don't let that happen to you. I've been involved with someone who had many characteristics of BPD. I myself thought I had BPD as well. But, I am not/was not on the extreme end.

I have sought professional help. Until your partner does seek professional help, I guess she can be seen as a sinking ship. It is up to you to decide if you want to go down, too. I saw a quote saying, "We can let go of someone from our lives, but we don't have to kick them out of our hearts." At this point, all you can do is pray for her, send her love and light always, and know that we cannot control everything. Have faith in Source that there is a reason for all this.

Learn the lessons you need to learn from this experience. Accept that maybe this is something she has to go through for now, without you. Love yourself first. Take care of yourself first. I know what it feels like to want to help, but honestly, I do believe that came from my ego. Listening to Abraham Hicks about being in the vortex talks about "helping" others is not really helping them at all. :-/

Thanks soooooo Very much you are a great soul. I read gettinbetter everday to remind myself of whats goin on its funny u mention that site. I myself started to think i was BPD . I also started to feel hopeless and at times i still do.Im also in therapy. One ore thing WHY the silent treatment why cant a person like her just say i m done go away i dont need you i dont love you any more that would be so much better than always wondering the unknown.

I have to trust in the souce and know in my heart there is a meaning to all this. Thank you again your a blessing.

How long did it take you boyfriend to realize he had a problem and realize he loved you

Re: the silent treatment. Well, I think that comes from the self-preservation part and the "demonizing" the other part. I don't think it is easy, but it is their coping mechanism. I know it's hard not to take it personally. But, just remind yourself that she just needs space to process things, in whatever way she does. If you feel you need to talk things out, are you writing letters to her. Letters you don't necessarily need to send, but will help you release those thoughts and emotions.

Re: the guy I was involved with. I am at a point where I had to set my boundaries very harshly. He contacted me recently, wanting to finally talk things out. But, because he lied so much, anything he would have told me would be unbelievable. So, I told him I did not want to be friends, but had forgiven him. I think the lesson for me was to take a stand. I made excuses for him, and really tried to understand him while most people would not have given him that chance.

I think that is why he wanted to re-connect. For the first time, someone wasn't going to just "abandon" him. I don't know what the future holds. I don't think about it. It's just nice to no longer feel anger towards him when I think of him or see him, haha. He told me he was going to transfer schools, but he ended up staying at "ours". So, I see him, but we have not spoken face to face yet.

I have faith that Source will bring circumstances together if we're meant to be in each other's lives again. He said he had taken what I told him to heart and is supposedly seeking professional help. Unfortunately, my intuition told me that he was lying again. But, rather than get caught up in it again, I just let it go. I no longer feel this "need" to understand why he does what he does. I can only wish him peace. Not only for him, but for those in his life, too.

I do not believe he does these things from a malicious place, but he needed to understand that I was not going to put up with his behavior. Which is what I told him. I told him I was not "rejecting" him. I was rejecting his toxic behavior. :-)

how long did this process take for him to realize he needed help after you let him go to you forgiving him and taking your stand

Please understand that everyone is different. It took 6 months or more. But, the important thing was, it happened when I let go. We do have to let go. Rather than focus on her, I suggest you focus on you. Focus and meditate about what you are learning for your self, turn this love for her towards you. I think your need to figure her out is not helping you. It is coming from ego. I only suggest that from experience.

Again OceanSize You are right i need to let go its sooooooo hard tho the thoght of it kills me. But you are right Today i will let go and start another journey to focus all the love that have for her and give it to myself that hit me hard i needed to hear that. it makes soo much sense. Thank you i hope all your dreams and desires come to you i truelly do your a special soul. Peace

@ocnhed62 - It was something I had to tell myself. . .because thinking about him and our situation, obsessing was making myself miserable. I was going into the dark tunnel I once was in and that was very debilitating to my life.

Do not take her issues or whatever hurtful things she may have done/said as a statement about you. I went through that and felt very humiliated. We have the power. No one else can take that away unless we allow them, too. It's easier said than done, I know. But, repeating it helps! :-) Do things for yourself. Start a new hobby. Exercise! Very helpful, imo. Thank you for your kind words. I understand darkness and pain all too well. It's comforting to know I can be of some help to others :-)

Hello OceanSize i needeed to come back and read what you said to me. Reading it again has given me a sense of peace in my heart. Im undertanding more of what you were saying im gonna print it out to remind me where i should be. I believe your words were sent to me from the universe thru you. Me Oceanhead you Oceansize. to coincendental. Again I cant thank you enough. Hope all is well in your world. PEACE

Hi, ocnhed62: How have you been? I hope you are doing well and focusing on healing you. Thank you, yes. Things are going very well. I have had to deal with the person again, but I am so grateful for how much I have grown from it. If anything, he did teach me how I try to control outside circumstances rather than work on getting myself in the vortex. The results have been amazing. I hope you too are finding peace of mind, soul, and heart! :-)

Im so very happy for you. You know its funny you mention control i never thought of my self as controlling but i am in my own way. I myself have to realize i have no contol of other people. For me that was hard to to accept. I quess i need to contol me like you said keep myself in the Vortex. I moved from waikiki yesterday i now live on the North Shore. I hope i made the right decision, I feel i did

The main reason was it was to difficult yo go to our beach to live in the same place we shared. The bike rides around kapolani park. That was my front yard i could not avoid it. I have been trying to let go of the memories and dreams we shared but that tape keeps playing 24/7 i could not fix her. I do have some good days . I just wish this would end im getting tired of it. I really miss her and hope she is ok.Thats really hard for me not knowing if she is ok.

From your experience can you give me some advice on how to truelly let go of this situation and where do i find the faith that universe is doing exactly what needs to be done for my higher self.

Btw how are things goin with your ex. Peace

we label we judge we decide, yet for what reason or guiding purpose

@fred Do you know someone that as bpd?it is not a question of label. you can read more on the subject. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder This behavior reflects a black-and-white thinking style, as well as the intensity with which borderline individuals feel emotions. Self-harm and suicidal behavior are common and may require inpatient psychiatric care.

white tiger, in this life he has over 20 yrs of working in a private psychiatric setting

@fred i have know a women that as bpd after 2 week she swallow pills and cut her wrist.on the third week she as come out of the hospital and decided to go on a cure for drugs for 3 month. after a month and a half they add to let her out because they could not help her and she needed a place with more discipline to help her because she was trying to manipulate every one even her self.She was a very good liar and very manipulative that i can tell you from experience.

@fred Also i can tell you from experience that you cannot help someone that does not want to help them self from their own free will.They will often make you believe that it is working because they do not want you to know that it is not working.if you have experience with people with addiction you should also know that.

@fred we all have free will.we are all responsible of our own free will and we all interact together.it is not a question about placing people in category. when someone is sick that person is sick. bpd is like that. it is the name that they give to that sickness. as for label they are some worst if you go back in time for someone with bpd possesed,demon,adultress.

@fred yes be a good mirroir.smile Labelling anny one to make a judgement is not Good.Yet you have to give a name to something so that in truth you know what you are speaking about.And can help cure that sickness. imagine a doctor with no definition of sickness or no definition of the medication he as how can he work?

white tiger, by knowing how to lead that disease out of that body it comes with experience and eyes wide open

@fred well that person should know her self that is the first place to start.the problem is that she as no control even if she feels superior she is under the control of her own darkness. so anny thing from the outside will just cause more imbalence. And yet someone from the outside must take some control.to help her out on her quest to find control and stability between the inside and the outside and between light and darkness.

usely in hospital they bind them in isolation so that they cannot arm them self and fight their own battle and find their own inner balence until they find some stability in them self. They also run test to see if they are not under substance abuse.But the thing is that when they go back out to the world their balence will shift again.to cope they search for pleasure and go in substance abuse and that make them even more imbalence.

ask @ocnhed62 if that is what he is experiencing right now.with that person.

@fred Good answer. Often times there is a fine line between a MH issue & a spiritual crisis & often times the mh issue is actually a spiritual issue.

You're right, Jaiannaiah. For my past experience, I guess I needed "answers". I guess that sometimes means trying to find "neat" categories to fit people (and me) into. Not so that we label or judge, but just so we can find a place to start healing and looking for answers.

Hello jai how did i come up with the label very easy read gettinbetter.com thats that article was written about the woman i was with every aspect fit her to the tee. I myself do not like to label a person but it is what it is an apple is an apple thats a label we as humans have labeled it a killer is a killer.

BPD people are serial killers of the soul. Do i hate her definately not. Do i hate what was done to her in her childhood yes, do i hate the fact that she wont get help yes. These people are not stupid quite the contrary they are very intelligent. AS far as a diagnosis what does it really matter in the big picture she is mentally ill, destroying peoples lives, and the most important part is destroying the only life she has on this plane.

@Jai Great answer; couldn't agree more. I don't have a personality disorder; but I know people that do. The diagnosis was made by a licensed Mental Health Professional after first being seen by a md to rule out other disorders or biological causes. Often times in situations such as described, it wasn't a personality disorder to begin with.

@ocnhed62 I believe you labeled her prior to Ocean Size turning you onto that website. Whether it's an apple or not; how many varieties of apples are there? You said - "BPD people are serial killers of the soul." I suggest you take a look in the mirror; cause the looking glass, looks back. LOA, like attracts like. I'm not saying you have a personality disorder; but with all due respect; I strongly suggest you seek professional help.

@ele- I hope that once one gets through that stage. . .one can see the part they played in the situation, and take responsibility for the choices made. . .as I am learning to do.