I wanted to punish myself

Let's just take a quick look at whether this statement - which basically lies at the heart of your pain - is true or not.

There are two "parts" of you...a physical "part" and a non-physical "part". When you are talking about punishing yourself, you are implicitly saying that the non-physical part of you wishes to punish the physical part of you for doing something wrong.

Is that really true?

Let's work through it logically.

• When you feel good, you feel good because the physical part of you and the non-physical part of you (The friendly eternally-present Big Guy) agree on the thought you are thinking in that moment so you create a clear conduit for the non-physical to flow through the physical. The presence of that energy flow is interpreted as positive emotion.

• When you feel bad, you feel bad because the physical part of you and the non-physical part of you disagree on the thought you are thinking in that moment so you block the non-physical from flowing through the physical. The lack of that energy flow is interpreted as negative emotion.

Now when you reconsider the "wrong" you have done, does it make you feel good or feel bad?

Judging from your question, it makes you feel bad...very bad.

So that can only mean that the non-physical part of you does not agree with you judging that what you have done is "wrong" i.e. the non-physical part of you is refusing to focus on the thought that you have done "wrong".

So your entire assumption that you want to punish yourself is completely and utterly...incorrect :)

So what's the self-loathing about?

It's simply that you've picked up from somewhere along your physical path a belief system that a certain way of acting is appropriate and another way of acting is inappropriate.

And according to that belief system, you have acted inappropriately.

The solution? ...Get another belief system :)

I personally suffered for many years because I had bought into the misguided idea of Karma from well-meaning people and I thought I was being punished for "inappropriate" actions from earlier in my life and also past lives.

I came to a realization one day (or rather, I had it shown to me) that all my suffering was self-imposed and a personal conscious choice because of a disempowering belief system I had adopted. Once I realized that clearly, everything changed dramatically.

So my basic question is how does one who has done wrong find relief?

Change your definition of the situation that you believe to be wrong.

Every single word that exists in the human language has a definition that some person initially attached with a label of belief. Just because you might have grown up with that particular definition, doesn't mean that you have to accept it as being true.

Everything is fundamentally neutral until you give it a meaning. Usually with that meaning or definition, we tend attach an emotional charge along side of it. That is why we feel negative emotions such as guilt, worry, remorse, etc.

We get a negative charge out of the emotional label we attach to words like "wrong." Then every time we think of the definition that society has hammered into our minds, and we believe we did something that fits the label, we open the floodgates to the negative feelings we do not prefer.

You mention in your question about me turning my dark times around. I did that by changing my perception of what being a human being on earth really is, and I did that by changing my beliefs. I constantly felt the negative emotions that you mentioned on a daily basis and the circumstances that I did not prefer showed up on a pretty regular basis as well.

I got to a point where I decided I didn't like the labels and definitions that I have been fed my whole life and made a choice to start believing in what felt good to me and me alone, and I left everyone else's opinion on the curb. You just have to decide what is the most beneficial way for you to feel in this moment, in this moment, in this moment, in this moment, and in every now moment that you experience.

I believe this world we live in is more about experience than the idea of right's and wrong's that are simply handed down to us generation after generation.

Think of having a permanent eraser on standby in your mind. Every time you feel negative emotion from a word with a negative definition, erase that old worn out definition and mentally replace it with a new belief that you prefer and feels best to you.

Abraham has said time and again 'If you can imagine something, the Universe has the means of providing you with it'. Does this mean that if I have a vague hope that this could happen, that my desire of being forgiven and loved can come about, but can not yet imagine with clarity what exactly it would be or would feel like, does this mean it wont happen?

The universe cannot conceive of non-existence. If you can imagine it, it must exist. I will go a step further than what Abraham says and really hammer it home for you. The universe has a means of providing it for you because every single thought we have is a parallel reality in itself.

You are literally shifting from parallel reality to parallel reality billions of times a second. It's hard to even begin to imagine this concept because of how we perceive our day to day lives in this illusion of space and time. We are under the perception of fluid movement when we are really shifting to different parallel realities at a very fast rate of speed in every single now moment.

Everything exists Now. The things we call past and future exist Now. We experience the frequency that we are tuned into. So if you can get clear on the life circumstances that you prefer either by imagination, putting a detailed request in a box, or whatever feels right to you, that parallel universe is completely and utterly in existence at this very moment, Now.

If you can change your beliefs on how things happen in this thing we call human life, it will become easier to change your beliefs about the things you want to show up in this experience.

Additionally, there are people around me that keep me reminding of the mistakes, not that they are trying to make me feel guilty but from a place of genuine concern and need to know why a person would want to harm themselves. Also, they keep me reminding what would happen if more people would know. So how do I deal with ignoring something when it is activated in others as well. If I try to ignore it would seem rude.

The people that seem out there to you are only reflections of your inner being. There must be some belief inside of you that thinks the definition of "mistakes" needs to be brought to your attention. Everything you see in your unique world are different reflective expressions of yourself. It all stems from beliefs that may not be serving you anymore. When you pulse out a particular frequency, you will most surely have someone ready and willing to match the frequency and reflect it back to you.

You have a choice here. Continue to care about what others say to you and feel bad, or take your attention away from the negativity and care about feeling good from deep inside your inner self. The idea of being rude is just another label and definition that you can freely erase away and replace with one you feel better about, if you choose to do so.

I am here asking you all for help, as I have no hope

Again, just another negative definition that you can erase away if you choose. I felt the emotion of hopelessness for a very long time, so I know for a fact it can be transformed with a belief of preference. The amount of positive focus are you willing to put into it is the question

Also, I wanted to ask are we truly worthy to desire anything or are there any desires we should not desire? As in my case is it truly alright for me to desire to be reunited with people who might want this to never happen? Is it ok for me to desire that someday down the line I can reunite with them and be truly happy without having to give any explanations for my past actions or feeling remorse and being unable to meet their eyes or need to ponder on past at all? Is every desire worthy desire just because we desire?

If you were not worthy, you would not exist. Since you are part of creation, you most definitely deserve to have any desire you choose.

You literally become a different person every single moment...literally. (thanks Bashar:)

The past is a completely different version of you. It is on a different frequency range. Just like in the picture above, the static version of the girl all the way on the right is a completely different person then the girl on the left. Each frame has a unique vibration frequency that we shift to billions of times a second.

So you aren't your past anymore. Your memory of the past is only tuning to the frequency of all of the parallel realities that exist right now. When you think of the past, it is happening in the now. That is why it is very beneficial to change your beliefs in the now moment so you can start a new dominant frequency habit or pattern of what you desire the most.

You are at the controls in every single moment. You are so powerful that you have created the illusion that you are powerless. That's what the concept of unconditional love is all about. The universe puts no conditions on its love for you, thus allowing you to experience any emotion you want such as worry, guilt, remorse, darkness, etc. It's all just experience and growth that we chose to infuse ourselves with in incarnating here.

Decide what you desire the most in life and live it right now. You are your very own universe. Leave everyone and everything out of the equation.

Your feeling place and state of being are all that matters anyway. Choose beliefs that work best for you by erasing and replacing. Don't make the process of belief change too hard. Just decide right now at this moment what sounds and feels the best and go in that general direction.

You don't have to "desire" forgiveness. The moment has passed, but it is you who are still holding on to it. So, if you want to be happy, do not do that. Stop seeking a method to find a way to feel "forgiven" otherwise the memory will keep replaying in your mind.

Meditate, feel the relaxation, and keep the relaxation with you. There is nothing that needs to be done. Relax and breathe, and when the thought/emotion comes again, relax and breathe, eventually it'll weaken. But do not seek a path to feel forgiven or it'll continue to stay as a longing...

well from what i see you add over flow from the heart, but did not see it and because you felt bad decided to ignore it.You made some mistake and became what you hated.Acknowledge those mistake learn from the experience and correct them.If you want to get past remorse do the right thing and correct your mistake.As long as you ignore you are in the same pattern that created this from the beguinning.Seek peace and harmony with other.Ask your self this question does the desire help me? Ask your self this question does the people that i want in my life and to be in harmony and peace with can accept that i assume my self? As for what you did in your past it belongs to you.Some people can accept it some other don't be wise to know them enuff to make the difference,if they bring it to you it might be because they want some answer it is for you to reveal what you are ready to reveal.If you cannot meet their eyes it is because you still need to ponder something there is still something that you ignore something not solved for you.To ponder is not bad it is very help full to help you understand seek and find the answer to your own inner puzzle and how it relate from the inside to the outside and from the outside to the inside.Solve those puzzle,those division,those conflict,once solved peace in harmony in truth you will find.