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I have read a few questions wherein the questioner has been wronged and wants to get out of the rut of negative emotions and feeling bad. But, what if the one asking the question is in the wrong. Its not that the wrong had been done 'TO THEM' but has been done 'BY THEM'? For past few years I have been in a really self-destructive phase. I have done wrong, not anything criminal against law of any land, but, greater, morally wrong! I wanted to punish myself, silly I know, whats even worse is I do not know, for what exactly I felt the need to do wrong. I just felt this need within me to make myself 'bad person' and did things that would make me feel that I was a terribly bad person. I attracted to myself people who reinforced negative things in my life and pushed me even further wrong in the direction. So, there is a tiny bit of feeling of being taken advantage of as well, but also the awareness that I did all that to myself. I did morally incorrect things, the things I am ashamed of, I have lied and cheated. What I have done stands to ruin everything for my family in the culture I come from. Its not only what people say or would say about what I have done that rises guilt, shame and the feeling of never being able to be redeemed, that I would never be forgiven. But deep down there is this 'knowing' that what I have done is wrong and I should never be forgiven and that I would never be forgiven. So my basic question is how does one who has done wrong find relief? Due to what has transpired in last few years I have already lost someone very dear to me and stand to loose more of what I value a lot, people whom, in throes of my anger against myself I had ignored. My desire is to have healthy loving relationship with these loved ones. Also, I would want to reconcile and have relationship with this person who I believe I have lost. I was close to the entire family of this person but am not now and I dearly miss them all. I want a reconciliation. I would be honest and admit that from where I stand right now I feel it is impossible. How to deal with this? Abraham has said time and again 'If you can imagine something, the Universe has the means of providing you with it'. Does this mean that if I have a vague hope that this could happen, that my desire of being forgiven and loved can come about, but can not yet imagine with clarity what exactly it would be or would feel like, does this mean it wont happen? My hope stems from being exposed to Abraham, Bashar and also from IQ. I feel that if I can work on myself and release resistance, I would get what I want, yet I have many doubts. In the society I come from, what I have done can destroy families and their reputation. I have never seen reconciliation in cases like this, I have no idea how to approach this subject. I have tried doing Manifestation Experiment 4 on this issue, but i find myself keep on postponing it. In the morning I would tell myself I would do it at night and in the night I say I would do it in the morning. This is one issue my life that is causing problems in every area of my life, I don't know how to deal with it. @Stingray has said something along this line in one of his post that one would eventually feel at ease with the past and dark times would feel so distant that they don't even feel like dominant player any more and would seem like someone else's experience not your own. @Cory has also said he has turned around his life and the dark times are gone. @Grace and so many others have said that it does get better with practice. I have read many contributors on this site that it becomes easier with time. But how to start? This dark phase of my life is threatening me, I feel as if I would never be able to come out of the shadows of this time. That even if a stranger was to find about it would despise me and judge me and not want to have anything to do with me. Whenever I imagine my self in the future, I see myself explaining or trying to justify the place I was at emotionally when I did those dark things. I feel myself trying to make others understand I did not want any harm for anyone else but myself. How do I deal with this? This need to want to explain? Would there truly be time when this issue would be a non player, truly non-player and I would not even think about it. I am in a rut where I want to free myself from all of this, but continuously think the wrongs I have done and how different my life would have been if I had not made these 'mistakes'? Would there ever come a time when I could talk about that time lightly and not feel a need to explain and justify my 'mistakes'? Would there ever be a time when they would just be experiences and not mistakes anymore, when I would be able to breath normally when thought of them would cross my mind, without feeling a need to feel guilty and ashamed? If yes, what needs to be done? I want to turn around my life but it feels like at one hand I am ready but simultaneously on other I keep pushing away and against. Please help me! How do I come out of this feeling of having done wrong? I feel I have made some progress, I get nuggets of understanding but keep on slipping back. Its not that I have not experienced the truth of these teachings. I would like to state an example, I had applied for a very prestigious paid internship that too form a place of 'need' and nothing else. I was told after the first phase that I did not qualify and the reasons were given for that. I decided that I was not going to focus on that and made this conscious decision just to test the teachings and wrote them back against every criterion they told me that disqualified me, why I thought I would qualify. I never discussed this rejection with anyone.I am very pleased to say after few rounds of interviews I have the offer. My point is I have tested the teachings and I know they work, but when it comes to this part of my life I don't see any light at the end of tunnel. I fear what if this does not work and if I never get what I desire? Additionally, there are people around me that keep me reminding of the mistakes, not that they are trying to make me feel guilty but from a place of genuine concern and need to know why a person would want to harm themselves. Also, they keep me reminding what would happen if more people would know. So how do I deal with ignoring something when it is activated in others as well. If I try to ignore it would seem rude. I know it is only a reflection of what is happening in my inner world, yet I find myself unable to control it. So how do you make an issue a non issue when others are involved? I want to feel at peace with my past and also have good relationship with my family, the person and their family (mentioned earlier in post)but right now where I stand it seems next to impossible with my current understanding, however, I feel it could be done only if I would turn around how I feel and release resistance.Partly it feels impossible as there are others involved and I don't know how to focus for manifestations or desires when others are involved as their desire may be in contrast to yours! I am here asking you all for help, as I have no hope. I have rambled on a lot and I hope some of it makes sense to you. As some one from outside you might be able to see what is actually going on here and point to me what needs to be done for getting to the joyous place. I am confused please point to me what the issue seems to you and the solution. Also, I wanted to ask are we truly worthy to desire anything or are there any desires we should not desire? As in my case is it truly alright for me to desire to be reunited with people who might want this to never happen? Is it ok for me to desire that someday down the line I can reunite with them and be truly happy without having to give any explanations for my past actions or feeling remorse and being unable to meet their eyes or need to ponder on past at all? Is every desire worthy desire just because we desire? At times I have found relief around the desire of reconciliation through Abraham's this quote: 'If anybody can create anything, you can. If anybody has demonstrated the creation of it, you can. But you did not come forth to regurgitate the manifestations that others have created, to some extent, sure. But you didn't come just to regurgitate. You are creators. You are unique, specific individual creators who are launching your specific desires in powerful ways and it is only then in your allowance of yourself to vibrationally, to revel in the frequency you have carved out that you would find your joy.', but it is not sticking. I keep slipping back. I am not looking for sympathy, all I am asking for is genuine help in clarifying what exactly my issue is in all this chaos, find a way out of it and live the life I desire. Thank you for reading thus far and I look forward to receiving your help.
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Let's just take a quick look at whether this statement - which basically lies at the heart of your pain - is true or not. There are two "parts" of you...a physical "part" and a non-physical "part". When you are talking about punishing yourself, you are implicitly saying that the non-physical part of you wishes to punish the physical part of you for doing something wrong. Is that really true? Let's work through it logically.
Now when you reconsider the "wrong" you have done, does it make you feel good or feel bad? Judging from your question, it makes you feel bad...very bad. So that can only mean that the non-physical part of you does not agree with you judging that what you have done is "wrong" i.e. the non-physical part of you is refusing to focus on the thought that you have done "wrong". So your entire assumption that you want to punish yourself is completely and utterly...incorrect :) So what's the self-loathing about? It's simply that you've picked up from somewhere along your physical path a belief system that a certain way of acting is appropriate and another way of acting is inappropriate. And according to that belief system, you have acted inappropriately. The solution? ...Get another belief system :) I personally suffered for many years because I had bought into the misguided idea of Karma from well-meaning people and I thought I was being punished for "inappropriate" actions from earlier in my life and also past lives. I came to a realization one day (or rather, I had it shown to me) that all my suffering was self-imposed and a personal conscious choice because of a disempowering belief system I had adopted. Once I realized that clearly, everything changed dramatically. @Stingray, how do I go about getting better belief system when the current one has strong hold on me. Could you suggest some plan?
(24 Feb '13, 13:29)
dreamersmiles
@dreamersmiles - The only reason someone would hold onto a disempowering belief system (and not naturally release it) is that they are getting something out of doing so. So what are you getting out of believing what you believe?
(24 Feb '13, 13:52)
Stingray
@Stingray, how do I go about finding answer to this question. I think by now I should know better, but, I am feeling lost and dont know what to do to find out what I am getting out of believing what I believe? I am not even sure I fully know what I believe!
(26 Feb '13, 21:45)
dreamersmiles
@dreamersmiles - If you are having trouble with that question, try these four questions instead. They might nudge you into a different perspective
(27 Feb '13, 05:57)
Stingray
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Change your definition of the situation that you believe to be wrong. Every single word that exists in the human language has a definition that some person initially attached with a label of belief. Just because you might have grown up with that particular definition, doesn't mean that you have to accept it as being true. Everything is fundamentally neutral until you give it a meaning. Usually with that meaning or definition, we tend attach an emotional charge along side of it. That is why we feel negative emotions such as guilt, worry, remorse, etc. We get a negative charge out of the emotional label we attach to words like "wrong." Then every time we think of the definition that society has hammered into our minds, and we believe we did something that fits the label, we open the floodgates to the negative feelings we do not prefer. You mention in your question about me turning my dark times around. I did that by changing my perception of what being a human being on earth really is, and I did that by changing my beliefs. I constantly felt the negative emotions that you mentioned on a daily basis and the circumstances that I did not prefer showed up on a pretty regular basis as well. I got to a point where I decided I didn't like the labels and definitions that I have been fed my whole life and made a choice to start believing in what felt good to me and me alone, and I left everyone else's opinion on the curb. You just have to decide what is the most beneficial way for you to feel in this moment, in this moment, in this moment, in this moment, and in every now moment that you experience. I believe this world we live in is more about experience than the idea of right's and wrong's that are simply handed down to us generation after generation. Think of having a permanent eraser on standby in your mind. Every time you feel negative emotion from a word with a negative definition, erase that old worn out definition and mentally replace it with a new belief that you prefer and feels best to you.
The universe cannot conceive of non-existence. If you can imagine it, it must exist. I will go a step further than what Abraham says and really hammer it home for you. The universe has a means of providing it for you because every single thought we have is a parallel reality in itself. You are literally shifting from parallel reality to parallel reality billions of times a second. It's hard to even begin to imagine this concept because of how we perceive our day to day lives in this illusion of space and time. We are under the perception of fluid movement when we are really shifting to different parallel realities at a very fast rate of speed in every single now moment. Everything exists Now. The things we call past and future exist Now. We experience the frequency that we are tuned into. So if you can get clear on the life circumstances that you prefer either by imagination, putting a detailed request in a box, or whatever feels right to you, that parallel universe is completely and utterly in existence at this very moment, Now. If you can change your beliefs on how things happen in this thing we call human life, it will become easier to change your beliefs about the things you want to show up in this experience.
The people that seem out there to you are only reflections of your inner being. There must be some belief inside of you that thinks the definition of "mistakes" needs to be brought to your attention. Everything you see in your unique world are different reflective expressions of yourself. It all stems from beliefs that may not be serving you anymore. When you pulse out a particular frequency, you will most surely have someone ready and willing to match the frequency and reflect it back to you. You have a choice here. Continue to care about what others say to you and feel bad, or take your attention away from the negativity and care about feeling good from deep inside your inner self. The idea of being rude is just another label and definition that you can freely erase away and replace with one you feel better about, if you choose to do so.
Again, just another negative definition that you can erase away if you choose. I felt the emotion of hopelessness for a very long time, so I know for a fact it can be transformed with a belief of preference. The amount of positive focus are you willing to put into it is the question
If you were not worthy, you would not exist. Since you are part of creation, you most definitely deserve to have any desire you choose. You literally become a different person every single moment...literally. (thanks Bashar:)
The past is a completely different version of you. It is on a different frequency range. Just like in the picture above, the static version of the girl all the way on the right is a completely different person then the girl on the left. Each frame has a unique vibration frequency that we shift to billions of times a second. So you aren't your past anymore. Your memory of the past is only tuning to the frequency of all of the parallel realities that exist right now. When you think of the past, it is happening in the now. That is why it is very beneficial to change your beliefs in the now moment so you can start a new dominant frequency habit or pattern of what you desire the most. You are at the controls in every single moment. You are so powerful that you have created the illusion that you are powerless. That's what the concept of unconditional love is all about. The universe puts no conditions on its love for you, thus allowing you to experience any emotion you want such as worry, guilt, remorse, darkness, etc. It's all just experience and growth that we chose to infuse ourselves with in incarnating here. Decide what you desire the most in life and live it right now. You are your very own universe. Leave everyone and everything out of the equation. Your feeling place and state of being are all that matters anyway. Choose beliefs that work best for you by erasing and replacing. Don't make the process of belief change too hard. Just decide right now at this moment what sounds and feels the best and go in that general direction. 1
@Cory - My word truly is my wand. I just wished you back to us this afternoon. Thank you for your wise and thoughtful answer. I'm sure this will help @dreamersmiles to feel some relief, take heart, and light her way. :) @Catherine, look! I got my wish! Hahaha now that would cheer anyone, thank goodness for eyes that can see. :)
(27 Feb '13, 01:55)
Grace
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@Cory - you say " change your definition of the situation that you believe to be wrong" - in other words in my mind 'change your beliefs' or simply 'nothing has any importance except the importance that we give it' - and so it all fits into place, thanks Cory
(27 Feb '13, 03:18)
ru bis
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@Grace Sounds like that synchronicity thing is in play here again. Yesterday was actually the first day I felt inspired to answer a question here at IQ in a while. Thank you for manifesting me back and thank you for the love that you so graciously share here so often.
(27 Feb '13, 22:59)
Cory
@ru bis Your comment seems to fit in place perfectly for me. Thank you as well.
(27 Feb '13, 23:01)
Cory
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@Cory, thanks for this wonderful answer, as usual it has provided much relief. I was away for sometime so could not thank you earlier, your answer has helped a lot. reading this has made something apparent to me and raised another question, which I am going to ask as separate question and look forward to receiving your input on. Thanks a lot for your thoughtful answer.
(06 Apr '13, 23:03)
dreamersmiles
@dreamersmiles I am always happy to help in any way that I can and you are more than welcome. Relief, even if just a little bit is always a step in the right direction to what you prefer. I will take a look at your new question and see if I can give another helpful answer. No guarantees though:-)
(07 Apr '13, 01:01)
Cory
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You don't have to "desire" forgiveness. The moment has passed, but it is you who are still holding on to it. So, if you want to be happy, do not do that. Stop seeking a method to find a way to feel "forgiven" otherwise the memory will keep replaying in your mind. Meditate, feel the relaxation, and keep the relaxation with you. There is nothing that needs to be done. Relax and breathe, and when the thought/emotion comes again, relax and breathe, eventually it'll weaken. But do not seek a path to feel forgiven or it'll continue to stay as a longing... @arpgme, so true, thanks for pointing this out. I should not long for it.
(26 Feb '13, 21:47)
dreamersmiles
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well from what i see you add over flow from the heart, but did not see it and because you felt bad decided to ignore it.You made some mistake and became what you hated.Acknowledge those mistake learn from the experience and correct them.If you want to get past remorse do the right thing and correct your mistake.As long as you ignore you are in the same pattern that created this from the beguinning.Seek peace and harmony with other.Ask your self this question does the desire help me? Ask your self this question does the people that i want in my life and to be in harmony and peace with can accept that i assume my self? As for what you did in your past it belongs to you.Some people can accept it some other don't be wise to know them enuff to make the difference,if they bring it to you it might be because they want some answer it is for you to reveal what you are ready to reveal.If you cannot meet their eyes it is because you still need to ponder something there is still something that you ignore something not solved for you.To ponder is not bad it is very help full to help you understand seek and find the answer to your own inner puzzle and how it relate from the inside to the outside and from the outside to the inside.Solve those puzzle,those division,those conflict,once solved peace in harmony in truth you will find. |
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What have you done and what is the attitude towards it where you live? Would you ever consider living somewhere else?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MO8imNJA0cg