Hi Nikulas!

Your question relates to things that have been on my mind recently. I have more time for myself right now, being off work for a while, with hopefully a very helpful surgery coming up soon.

Now that I am not forced to get moving at 5 or 6 a.m. every day and start rushing headlong into the myriad of tasks required of me at work, I am finding myself with the same sort of feelings as you describe; some days, I get long lists of things done, other days... Meh. And on those "Meh" days, I don't feel good about myself. It takes more of an effort to keep up a high vibration. I don't like this feeling. I haven't got it all sorted out yet, but here's what I've come to so far:

Spending time waiting for specific moments in life: For me, that means appointments and emails, phone calls, errands, physical therapy sessions, and also payday. :) The physical therapy and payday are fun, the other stuff, not so much. Still, for all of it, and for the specific moments you wait for, there is one common denominator guaranteed to make us both feel unhappy: Not living in the present moment.

Thinking about the next time the moments will come, or worse, worrying about them, is a downhill slope. There is no joy in what I am not living right now. The joy and energy in life is in this moment, so if I want to feel happy, and to have those happy vibes fuse and coalesce into all of the easy and satisfying manifestations I would love to see, I need to be fully present right now.

What I am doing when thinking ahead to the time I get to go to the gym (for me it's the pool), or get to that payday, is assuming that then I will be happy, then I will enjoy myself, or at least then I will allow myself to feel good about myself for having accomplished something tangible.

Of course the trick is, I need to allow myself to enjoy myself and to be happy right now. When I do this, it is amazing to watch the things that were bothering me - tricky situations, needing a lucky break, feeling alone and vulnerable - these "problems" just melt away, as if they never were. It's fun to watch, and kind of addictive. ;) I reach for the highest vibration possible for me at this moment, as often as I can, and smile as "problems" solve themselves.

The perception of being productive/nonproductive: I had a look at that within myself, and found myself wondering, who is to say that resting my mind and body is not the most productive thing I could possibly do? I'm not sure that it always is - LOL! - but my experience living behind these eyes tells me that there have been many times when downtime has led to breakthrough, and to much needed change or resolution. If nothing else, it can allow me the space to remember things I have always wanted to do; a book I meant to read, some odd fact in history I meant to look up (I know I know, I'm a dork, but it makes me happy! :)), or reaching out to a friend I haven't talked to in a while. The possibilities are as endless as they are unplumbed.

It also gives me the space to become dissatisfied, to the end that I will do something about it, by doing something that will satisfy me. It's the space to create in. It's the meaning of the phrase "divine discontent". It is not necessarily a bad thing to not be in constant motion.

Sometimes it means I'm allowing things to simmer on the back burner, or allowing myself to be a fallow field, growing invisibly richer and more fertile, just waiting for the right season to burst forth to be the very thing I most want to be. Among other things, I think it gets me out of my own way. :)

A footnote on the being productive thing... I realized that to decree that I am a "good" person when I am productive, and a "bad" person when I'm not, is essentially to withhold love from myself, and it is disrespectful. As if I need to justify my existence in order to deserve to be happy - or even just to be. I don't know if this is true for you, but I struggle with this. Today I have been remembering learning here that nothing can be deserved or undeserved, because nothing can be earned. I have nothing to prove, and that to no-one, not even me.

So to finally answer your question, I think being more productive keeps you in the moment, which can help with Vortex alignment. As for this moment being boring, I think that may feel better with awareness. Becoming aware of the beauty of each moment is a decision we can make. I think that will help. Well it helps me, anyway. :)

I just found out yesterday that if I get up at 5 a.m. and take my tea outside, I can have a sweet, quiet communion with the moon and stars before the traffic and the activity of the day start up again. Huh, didn't know that before. So I guess I'm STILL going to be getting up at 5 a.m. LOL!

That's all I've got for the moment... Just sharing my thoughts, such as they are. I'm a work in progress.

Love, Grace

:)

i would say this is common problem i used to have too before. but ever since i applied some of the spiritual principles i learnt it got 95% better. Even now there some periods when i am browsing aimlessly but its really decreased quite a bit. Also my rest of time is sooo intense and exciting that i actually have welcome break where i am not doing that much. Its very small time period comparitively.

Anyway i know this is to discuss your situation but reason i brought up is that doing regular meditation of just 15 mins a day or some form of these kind of tools really help me with managing my time better. It brought me more clarity in what i should do which is closer to passion and i increased that activity so much that i hardly have time to sit idly.

Example you said you have to wait till wednesday to workout. Do you love working out? If thats the case you should find other classes for monday or tues. And go take those too. Also ask your self what else you actually love doing and pursue those. When you do that you will end up taking more time doing those since you like them and does not feel like work. Even if you have not found what you love, at least take small steps with something that you sort of like even if its not great passion yet.

Also be easy on yourself... if you just watch tv or browse internet and think its not productive but still its fine. There is no race going on here, or someone is not measuring you how productive you are. If you are easy with this even when you are thinking you are not productive then everything will be ok . relax and chill. Trust that the universe which lets you breathe everyday w/o you micromanaging the process will also take you to places that will great for you.