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One of my parents has sever depression and perhaps many other undiagnosed issues. Every interaction with this parent is an emotional drain. What is more difficult is that because it is the person who raised me, it seems to be more difficult for me to stay in alignment or in the vortex or feeling good when interacting or even thinking about my parent. It feels like there is a huge block in my life because of this parent. Things I can and can't do because of the possible reactions this parent may have. How do you navigate such a situation? How do I stay emotionally free and happy? It seems so much harder than if the person was just a co-worker for example... Also, it seems like the happier and freer I become the less of that she becomes?? Anyone have a similar situation and what have you found works best? Thanks!
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B2B, I understand you perfectly. I've been through this for more than two years with my father. He had Alzheimer's, and passed away last Christmas Eve. I wasn't still reading Spiritual books that would recomend me all the things mentioned in this site and this post in particular, so I had a hard time of it. Alzheimer's robbed my dad's personality, and the best and mildest of men became all negativity and aggressive. I was the apple of his eye, and in the past year he didn't even recognized me. And then I started to have negative feelings towards him (as he wasn't my father and all that). I still blame myself for it. This feeling was very ambivalent, as I loved him to bits at the same time! As you say, it's not the same as dealing with an obnoxious co-worker! Unfortunately I found all these books when he had been dead for four months already. But they helped me a lot to take me out of depression and be more in the present and have more positive thoughts. In the meantime, I went to therapy. It helped (and is still helping) a lot. If you can walk out of the situation for a while, meet the most cheerful of friends you can have, the one that makes you laugh the harder, to feel free and happy at least for a few moments. That helped me at times... Also don't forget what your parent does is not against you personally. It's the disease taking over. And sometimes try and detach yourself a bit. Pretend you're a nurse doing your work with a patient. So nothing your 'patient' says needs to hurt you. I hope my experience can help you a bit... Sending you my warmest regards, BJ09 thank you, yes very helpful, I like the friends aspect you mentioned as well....
(11 Nov '10, 18:06)
Back2Basics
Also, the fact that the disease "blinds" the person so they really have no idea what it is like for other people. I guess this is a good example of living in your own beliefs...unfortunately this one guided by illness.
(11 Nov '10, 20:50)
Back2Basics
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I recently discovered a very impactful lesson through "Bashar". It was stated (in their own words, I'm communicating my interpretation) that when one encounters a situation that's bothersome (at any level), one must find a way to REACT DIFFERENTLY in that moment in order for the situation to develop "shifting momentum". However, here's the thing: not only do you react different the FIRST time, you must find a way to CONSCIOUSLY REACT DIFFERENTLY THE SECOND TIME in order to continue the shift & a change in the vibration shared with your parent--as the SECOND time demonstrates that you are acquiring CHANGE & ALTERING YOUR BELIEFS about that particular situation. Make an effort to FEEL & RESPOND differently to your parent over & over again--even if change may not be recognized after your first changed response, RESPOND DIFFERENTLY AGAIN (& again, & again...), thereby creating a SHIFT in how YOU believe your relationship with your parent SHOULD be, & that will lead you in the right direction. That leads me to the next thing: What do you really FEEL your relationship with your parent SHOULD be? What are your BELIEFS about your relationship? You can tell what your beliefs are about ANYTHING as you're living & experiencing them. I am respond in a similar manner as I was in a highly "stressful" family relationship that caused much distress throughout my life. However am making apparent changes for the better with this person & our relationship is beginning to shift for the good, for the POSITIVE--to the point they recognize it too--and feel better about too! And because I FEEL better, I am shifting my point of view & paradigm of thinking which is shifting the relationship. In other words: I am taking responsibility for my feelings, my thoughts, my reactions, my ENTIRE ROLE in the relationship. & when you alter your beliefs & how you feel & respond to your parent, it's like magic!--as they too somehow make a shift to meet your vibration on some level....again, it's a process, yet you can do it too!! Does this make sense? Google Bashar, as like Abraham, very insightful feedback will be presented to you IF you allow yourself to be open. Nice answer figure8shape:)
(11 Nov '10, 14:40)
Michaela
thanks, i will check it out....were your changes in reaction building on each other or were the just randomly different each interaction??
(11 Nov '10, 18:09)
Back2Basics
Hi B2B: It's been a random & heightening POSITIVE experience that's caused my family member to question their role in our relationship (too) & how they can contribute to the overall well-being of our relationship.
(12 Nov '10, 05:44)
figure8shape
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i already experienced that problem and until now i still bear it on my shoulders.What i did today to lessen the burden is just be kind to my father and still doing the best for him so that conflict may not rise again even if sometimes its so hard to do so. Im doing those good things for my mother to make her happy for what i did to my father. |
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You do two things:
Thanks, I guess I feel guilty for not letting my parent control me emotionally....how crazy is that. is that normal?
(10 Nov '10, 23:28)
Back2Basics
@Back2Basics: That statement is based on the faulty assumption that if you feel pain because your parent is hurting, that somehow makes you compassionate...it proves that you care. But all that does is hurt you, and it doesn't help your parent.
(10 Nov '10, 23:42)
Vesuvius
yup, I do see that now, i have always been that way, o it is hard to over come.
(11 Nov '10, 00:36)
Back2Basics
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B2B as you become more spiritually centred you will notice some changes in the relationships that you have with others. You may find that you start attracting new and different types of persons into your life and others may draw away from you. This is because of the change in your vibrations and the law of attraction. It will work out eventually but it can work faster if you do not put up too much resistance to the change. From my experience I can say that there will be changes. I have continued to assert my new consciousness. I do not impose it but I am not afraid to speak my truth and accept what comes with that. |
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It's like living life as a double agent. I just set my alarm for 420 AM. My wife will be sleeping in another room. That easily gives 1 hour of quiet time. I only need 1 hour to work on myself. No one else just myself. Then I shall know the truth and be set free. Say to yourself, "there is nothing for me to guard against I exist in a place of absolute Well-Being." In your quiet time say it with me over and over tell we become it. Thanks Tom! For the aweSoMe affirmation!!!
(11 Nov '10, 13:36)
figure8shape
very welcome!!!!
(11 Nov '10, 16:25)
Tom
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Hug and give a peck on your parent's cheek every time you see her/him no matter how you feel at that moment. Initially it may seem weird to do that, but you will notice a change in some time and over a period of time you will see that your parent is actually responding to you nicely. And you yourself may not feel so bad to interact with him/her. I have experienced it myself. I love to hug my parents now, just like that. |
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My daughter threw me off just the other day. I chanted in my mind. I also channeled the energy I was feeling into something positive, since I am laid off I applied for a job even though it seem far from my reach. Then I called my myoho sister and we got together to chant. Felt so much better, however, during the chanting I had a mystical experience. Wow, so in awe. mystical experience?
(15 Nov '10, 17:38)
Back2Basics
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Hi Back2Basics, I have the same issue with a family member. I have been looking for solutions for this my whole life. Recently I discovered that my family member is suffering of Narcissistic Personality Disorder and people who suffer of this usually drain other people of energy. I also run into Ho'oponopono Technic, which seems amazing and the solution also for your problem I think. There are a lot of resources over internet and inwardquest for this Technic. I know from experience that there is something in myself that causes me to experience a problem (the problem is just the reflection in the mirror). If I don't take responsibility for it and try to heal it, it will repeat in my life, always. I think you also have to cure yourself for this issue, otherwise you might experience something similar in the future. I hope this helps. |
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I think LeeAnn's answer to this question might be helpful - http://www.inwardquest.com/questions/8154/how-does-one-escape-negativity-when-one-is-surrounded-by-it-daily/8155#8155
Thanks, I had actually answered that question also! My answer is actually what I am doing right now, but I wonder more specifically if anyone has had a similar problem and how they handled it...