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I have been in an abusive relationship now for the last three years. There is no need to get into so much detail with this question, but the abuse is mostly verbal and very much controlling. Actually, it is the same exact relationship that my mother had with my father and I always swore that this would never happen to me, but history has a way a repeating itself. I have been aware of the LOA for a couple years now, but it has only been about 5 months since I have started to integrate the universal laws into my life on a consistent basis. When I first started to evaluate my thoughts and to eliminate all the fear and worry that I had about my relationship, a weird thing happened. Our relationship improved dramatically, and I was thinking that the only thing that I needed to change was my perspective. But I also knew that as long as I continued to feel good at a high vibration, that the things in my life that no longer matched my vibration would simply fade away, and I did have faith and believe that this would be the case. Since I have been with my boyfriend he hasn't allowed me to work and it would be extremely hard for me to leave him because he supports me financially. Recently, his old ways have slowly began to emerge and I am convinced that no matter how positive I can be, of course I cannot change him. At this point in my life my eyes are wide open and I know that this is not the man for me. I don't agree with the way that he treats me at times, and it is embarrassing the way that he treats other people. I am trying to improve my spirituality and I know that I am a stronger person than I was five months ago. I also know that he is aware of this change, which is why he puts me down everytime I read a spiritual book or watch a video. I definitely can't meditate when he is around because, he tells me all the time that I am brain washed and crazy. , I did continue to have faith that the universe would eliminate the things that were no longer a vibrational match to me. Last week my brother informed me that he is buying a house and there is two extra rooms for me and my son. He is moving in on 9/15. I know that this is my gift from the universe and I can feel that this is the road for me to take in order for me to get where I want to be. But now that this time has finally arrived, I don't feel good about it. I should feel excited and free, but I feel nervous and awful. These last couple days my boyfriend has been an angel and it is making this decision really hard for me. I know that this decision, even though it is best for my son and I, I can't help but to feel awful for the pain that my boyfriend will feel. I know that in order to live the life that I desire I need to take this step, but change is soooo hard, and I hate change. What can I do to stay on the right track and do what I know is right and get myself in a place to feel good about this decision and not feel anxiety and nervous. Update: Just wanted to give a quick update :) I official moved in with my brother on October 1st. Before I moved, I was beginning to become extremely worried about money. I had anxiety about how I was going to live because I go to school full time plus I have a two year old so I don't have time to work full time. I forced myself not to focus on the lack of money that I have and everytime I would get a worrisome thought I would replace it with the affirmation "I will be fine, and everything will work itself out perfectly" and I would immediately think about all of the thing that I do have in my life that I am grateful for. This week I received a check in the mail for my financial aid for $1750 and just today I found out that I will be receiving 5 separate checks for two different issues all together totaling about $8500 :)
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Many times, when a new energy arrives, we feel not very good with it, because we're not aligned in it, yet. Rikka Zimmerman once defined fear and anxiety as a feeling of leaving a vibrational box we've accustomed to. Since the man who used to be your boyfriend, was also how providing you with physical goods was expressed to you, it is easy for you to identify him as your Source, providing you with goods - both emotional, and physical. Directly to your question - you may think that it's the move that feels bad to you, while it can be, that your thoughts about the move are not the ones that your Inner Being would encourage you to have. Try to see it from that perspective and see what happens, how you react to thoughts that would be more in accordance with what your Inner Being says to you. Can it be that you identify being with him with being provided for and cared for, while moving out with moving somehow into an "empty space", where your needs are not as easily answered? Then it could explain your bad feeling, also - besides the reasons I brought in the beginning. About the advice, that you should not remove yourself physically from this situation and you should only try to fix it all vibrationally, and that you can live with a person who is of an abusing energy and not be hurt in any way but get only good from him - I highly disagree, absolutely disagree. Abraham spoke about it many times - that you don't have to come to a restaurant to teach the chef there to cook, that it would be better to you to prepare yourself vibrationally and then come to a restaurant with a chef that knows to cook for you already; also, that we should not demand from ourselves to do everything vibrationally, etc. I think that moving in with your brother is what the Universe gives you as a gift, as an answer to the vibrational work that you have been doing. I think also, that you will be able to do there your vibrational work. And you don't need to think that you're dropping the boyfriend forever - you're giving yourself the time to align. And Abraham did say it many times, that it's much easier to align, when we withdraw ourselves from the situation where it's too much "into our face". When you align, when you have the time and the situation to align more continuously, you will know what's good for you, you will be able to see this whole situation and understand more clearly what's good for you. "His pain" you're saying, because you're thinking about "saying no to him", while you could be thinking "saying yes to yourself". You don't have to see it as an eternal step, an eternal move. I'm so proud of you for what you have been doing. Whatever you do, it will be good stuff, I know. We're all with you. 1
@Olga Farber thank you so much for this refreshing advice. Although, I do understand completely what @Yes is saying, I did meditate on this last night and I woke up this morning feeling enlightened about this situation with a better understanding about my negative feelings. My feelings of guilt and anxiety are not because I am leaving but they are because I am being dishonest about leaving. I plan to move in with my brother in less then a month and I did not have intentions on telling him my
(15 Aug '14, 08:26)
Jess
Plans until I was already gone because of the fear of listening to him yell, cry, plead with me to stay, and most of not let me take my belongings because he bought them (this is what usually happens when I try to leave). But I was forgetting about one thing: TRUST. I know that if I am honest, with pure intentions, the results will also be of a pure nature. Before I was waiting for a fight to know that I was making the right decision and when he was acting as sweet as ever, I was thinking that
(15 Aug '14, 08:34)
Jess
Thank you, @Jess :) Yes, I also understand, what @Yes is saying, and I also understand, that that point of view kind of idealizes the vibrational work and flattens it, all at once.
(15 Aug '14, 08:37)
Olga Farber
I had made the wrong decision. I realized this morning that a fight or more discomfort is not what I need to know that I am right. What I needed was to first, get back into alignment. Second, trust in my decision that I know is the right one for me. And lastly, not to be sneaky, be honest with him and trust that the universe will deliver :)
(15 Aug '14, 08:38)
Jess
I would invite you to think more not in the terms of "guilt", "trust", "dishonesty", "honesty" etc., but purely in terms of what feels better TO YOU. If (when) leaving feels bad to you - find better feeling thoughts about it. Focus on finding just ONE better feeling thoughts about it. I'd say, do not think of making the right decision - think of coming to feel better, and if speaking of trust at all - trust that whatever you do, YOU will be able to align in your streams and so it will be good.
(15 Aug '14, 08:41)
Olga Farber
I don't completely agree on "not being sneaky, be honest" - what if your Inner Being found for you a way of least resistance (for ALL of you the path of least resistance) in what you see as "sneaky"? These terms can be very sneaky at times :) That is why I'd suggest to just thought by thought find a better feeling one, and not concentrate on behaving in the right way.. I don't know, how to formulate it the way I mean it... think about yourself, for a change. Of what would feel good to you.
(15 Aug '14, 08:47)
Olga Farber
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@Olga Farber your words have come across perfectly and I understand exactly what you are saying. Thank you so much and all of your advice is wonderful.
(15 Aug '14, 13:46)
Jess
Thank you very much, @Jess :) ♥
(15 Aug '14, 13:50)
Olga Farber
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This statement is the key to everything:
You have made great strides in changing yourself within, your thought streams and patterns of habitual beliefs, keep going! Physically removing yourself from situations rarely works as it is an 'action' and action cannot override vibration. In other words, you will take yourself (and your vibration) with you and if that doesn't shift then you will repeat this relationship, if not with this person then with another just like him. You attract what you are. You have started out on the road of change, transformation and LOVE. Love within because when you love yourself deeply within then all you can attract from others is the reflection of that love. It is incredibly difficult to make your own way in life, vibrationally. As you have noted, you have recreated the vibrational relationship patterns that you observed in your parents. Most people do this, we observe something, it gets into our vibration (our thoughts and beliefs) and we recreate the same thing and on it goes.... You know there is another way and you have begun the first steps to vibrational and, therefore, life change, keep at it, don't give up! Change the inside and the outside will change, and fast too! Shift those vibrations, do the 'work' of leaning towards feeling better about yourself, and watch all the shifts on the outside that will settle in your reality to reflect that. :) I say this as you have indicated that your partner does have the capability to match your improving vibration. When you initially quietened your worries and fears the relationship improved and you said that he is currently behaving like an "angel". Whilst the move could be a clattering situation and a removal of this person from your reality it doesn't seem that way to me. He does have the ability to match vibration when you go 'higher' and stabilizing your emotional state should improve things.
(14 Aug '14, 19:13)
Yes
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@Yes I believe in shifting vibrations and completely agree with your theory but in situations where the person is being abused surely you have to use some common sense? I wouldn't advocate anyone stay in a situation like this, no matter what vibrations they are shifting. I am only commenting because this could be really dangerous advice!
(14 Aug '14, 20:03)
Bluebell
@Bluebell, @Jess is starting to understand that she is a creator, as are we all. It's not possible to be hurt unless you create it yourself by being a vibrational match to it. I think @Jess has the awareness to understand the power she has and she's working to shift vibrationally and move into a reality she prefers. There is nobody 'out there' that can hurt you in any way. It all comes from YOU. Reality is you.
(14 Aug '14, 20:38)
Yes
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@Yes I guess I would prefer someone to work on this stuff in a safe environment? It's practical and common sense. Know too much about this so maybe can't be objective about it, hope you didn't think I was attacking you.
(14 Aug '14, 21:04)
Bluebell
@Yes There is nobody 'out there' that can hurt you in any way. It all comes from YOU. Reality is you....This statement really hit home for me. At this time, I have not been able to stabilize in high frequencies. I know that I am improving but, I easily allow myself to focus upon contrast and let that guide me. I think you are right, for now just look to raise my vibration and the answer will come to me easily and feel good when it does.
(14 Aug '14, 21:24)
Jess
@Bluebell, it's not possible for you to attack me because I will only see the good and the positive in what you say. That's what vibration is, ultimately, it's like having a pair of glasses and through those particular glasses you see the world. It could be seeing positive, excitement, finding interest in other's points of view as I am seeing here or it could be through glasses that see people and situations to fear sparking nervousness and anxiety. @Jess it does take time to cement your...
(15 Aug '14, 05:59)
Yes
boots in those high frequencies. Be kind to yourself and easy about it too. You are loved and you are safe, your Inner Being is with you 24 hours a day. Try to rest in that love and as you do you will feel better. Negative emotion: fear, worry, anxiety are just indicators that your IB is having a disagreement about the thoughts that you're thinking in that moment. Your IB will always call you towards those high frequencies, always, just stay aware and lean towards thoughts that bring relief.
(15 Aug '14, 06:04)
Yes
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Fact is we don't always want things that feel good. It is done unto you as you believe. The Quran expresses this very nicely when it says that we unwittingly ask evil of Allah. What's being said here is that we are often focusing on (: this is the so-called "asking" :) unpleasant things. Keep in mind we hold a lot of "truths" (: i.e. beliefs :) that we are insisting upon all the time even if they imply unpleasantness and what we get will correspond to the essential aspects of these truths that we hold. Yes, we HOLD them. If you let go of them, you'll get something different that corresponds to the new state. Ultimately, the smartest way to go about things is to exercise a positive imagination and focus on feeling good i.e. happy, peaceful, relaxed, serene, appreciative etc. As for the relationship, the important thing is the relationship between you & YOU (: Infinite, Eternal, Perptually at peace and in well-being :), and just the let the rest take care of itself because "life" just follows or reflects your inner state. When you've said "Yes" to you and it's now a "truth" for you, then you'll get a corresponding reflection. |
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@Jess - "But now that this time has finally arrived, I don't feel good about it...I feel nervous and awful. These last couple days my boyfriend has been an angel and it is making this decision really hard for me." - This sort of thing is typical when attempting to make a "major" vibrational change such as this. For more info, see what happened to me at http://www.inwardquest.com/questions/56570/having-strange-clattering-type-experiencescan-someone-please-diagnose
jess, if you place yourself in a controlling environment that is other than what you are or believe is the right match to let you be your true self there are repercussions. if is your choice(fear) to sell your individuality or perhaps keep it
@lozenge123, It could be clattering and I could be acting as the "voice" of a dying belief to call her back towards that old belief in my full answer below but I do think vibrational shifts still need to occur. Jess still needs to find balance within. @Jess, you say you're feeling positive and this has been your habitual state for a while but that doesn't fit with your experiences of your boyfriend not allowing you to work and your financial dependence on him, your fear of changes.....
.... "I hate change" and your anxiety and nervousness that you have indicated are present. That adds up to a pretty strong vibration that's at the lower end of the scale. If you don't make changes to shift that vibration then you will continue to attract relationships and experiences that reflect that setpoint. Just be aware of that if you decide to make this move. Good luck. :)
@Yes I do see what u mean. I do not believe that I will go into another abusive relationship again after this. But at the same time, I do understand that I need to work on my vibration because I do realize that there are many circumstances that can make me feel "loss of control" which I am so used to feeling on a constant basis.
@Jess Your gut feeling (your inner being) will be the best guide as you move through this transition. It seems as if you have some negative momentum built up regarding thoughts based around anxiety, fear and confidence within yourself. it's interesting that your partner controlled you financially and dictated if you could or couldn't work. The great thing is you can see where your "trouble" points are and you can work on those going forward. I wish you nothing but the best. :)
@Jess - You have some good answers here, and you know what you have to do for yourself and your son. I just wanted to say congratulations on your excellent progress and achievement so far. This is wonderful to see happening, and as one abuse survivor to another, I am so proud of you. I also would love to hear how you feel after living with your brother for a while. I believe that the self-revelations have only just begun. Enjoy yourself, love yourself, and revel in your new, free life! :)
Help your boy friend to understand your necessities so that he honor your shift to new house. Tell him that this distance is just the time demand not permanent. This won't effect our love. Whenever time permits we can connect again.
Cheerful Jess.
@Grace Thank you! It is always uplifting to read your kind words. I will keep you posted :)