Do you stay in a bad relationship and overcome it, or Heal from a distance

There can never be a "right" answer to this that someone else can give you...it's always about you and your vibration (indicated by how you feel) - and even that can vary from day to day.

As you've insightfully noted, this is not about your mother but about you.

• If someone pushes your buttons, it's because you gave them the buttons to push
  
  
• If someone pushes you over the edge, you must have been standing on the edge already

The easiest time to get your "alignment" back is when you are not triggered by the external condition ( What do you do when you live with someone who blames you for all their problems? ) so if you have to do something physically to get yourself into a non-triggered vibrational space for a while (while you shift some vibrational setpoints), that can be helpful.

There's nothing wrong with taking a physical action in order to allow a vibrational change process to begin because, quite often, the existing momentum of Law of Attraction on a longstanding chronic "issue" is too powerful to allow a "head on" vibrational approach (manifestational-absence dominates).

The enlightened use of medication works this way (take a medicine and during the time of feeling better, shift some vibrations), the 30 Day Vortex Challenge works this way, even Meditation itself is nothing more than doing a physical action in order to get the vibrational change.

So what I'm saying is don't feel that "running away" is somehow a bad option because it's a physical action, rather than a vibrational one, but just be aware that no matter where you go, you take your existing vibration with you...

...so, sooner or later, those pushable buttons might be pushed by someone else, and those cliff-top strolls might result in someone else giving you an over-the-edge nudge.

Listen to Abraham Hicks Vortex Meditation on Relationships. On youtube. Listen 17 times, breathing with the 3/5 count and your answer will appear. You already know your answer, but too much static is blocking you.

Each time you will hear it differently as you are changing. Listen to it once each day, or more. Early morning with earphones.

I have been in a similar situation recently and here is what I have done:

1. I did everything I could to feel peace inside me.

You need this in order to feel, hear your guidance. I wasn't doing very well with the classic meditation, my mind was very active so I managed to feel at peace and letting go using a catholic style meditation called the Rosary. I had to move from living with her because I was feeling very anxious about her and I wasn't able to feel at peace in the same house with her.(but the opportunity to move came) After a couple of months of meditating daily, first thing after waking up, I clearly felt at peace.

During this period I had times when I wanted to go back, help her out, but something stopped me every time, I felt clearly the guidance not to go. Without this guidance I wouldn't have made it.

2. After a while I started to interact with her a little, once a day. I was careful no to lose the peace inside me. Each time I felt a negative emotion (and they will come) I asked myself the question:

"What would I have to believe is true about myself in order to feel this way about this thing?" (this is a question that Bashar mentions in the book Transforming Core Beliefs for finding the wrong definitions/beliefs we hold)

I always received an answer about a belief/definition I hold. (I tried to ask this question I heard from Bashar also before feeling peace inside, but without any result, so quieting your mind to feel the guidance is very important)

Bashar mentions that after you acknowledge a belief it is no longer a habit but a choice.

3. After acknowledging a lot of negative beliefs related to her, it is no longer that difficult for me to interact with her but I am still careful not to lose the peace I have inside me when I am close to her. This is the most important, to keep the peace inside, hear my guidance, this makes me feel much more "in control" when I am close to her.

I also bought a book from practical psychology to help me acknowledge more easy the limiting beliefs I hold because of her way of treating me. I had them all that were mentioned in the book. (mine was a book for daughters raised by narcissistic mothers so I am not sure if it would help you but there are a lot of books with great reviews if you search on Google)

Also I think, this happened to me because at some point in my childhood I was convinced by her that her guidance is better for me than my own guidance. This was a mistake that I want to correct from now on, Charles Hannel mentions : "The subconscious mind does not engage in the process of proving. It relies upon the conscious mind, 'the watchman at the gate,' to guard it from mistaken impressions"

Bashar also mentions in Transforming Core Beliefs:

"If there is something not comfortable that rubs you in the wrong way find out what your definition is of your relationship to it. Or who you've been taught to define yourself in relationship to it. You cannot have an emotion before having a definition about that thing".

I also had to move through some anger and blaming of her (which I allowed) during this period, this post explains why is needed:

Why are people mean to each other?

I allowed it but didn't stay much in anger/blame because I wanted to heal and not to hold a grudge on her, clearly she lost her way too ...and it might be that she finds it too, after you find it (but that's not your business)