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Dear All, This question is a logical sequence to my earlier questions http://www.inwardquest.com/questions/17051/when-would-be-the-best-time-to-answer-my-inner-call and http://www.inwardquest.com/questions/17481/how-to-pacify-my-mind-and-move-ahead Just to give a quick snap shot, I was not enjoying my job and was wanting to move to self employment desperately, but I thought I was not ready as I was not confident about my self. My wife also was and still is quite resistant to the idea. But there has been some vibrational progress that I have made. I have been practicing ME-4 as advised by Stingray and I feel I have been relieved of a lot of negative emotions and beliefs. I have got some very nice ideas of how and what I want to do. Which seems very much possible and practical to take up. I can see all the attributes of my desired work in this self employed opportunity. Erstwhile when I had posted those 2 questions, I did not have a concrete plan of what would I take up and how. I make out that is is an inspired action which I need to take as a result of my regular cleanup. I feel sure that I will succeed in this. The only resistance now remaining is to convince my wife that I will succeed and that I am ready to resign from my job and be on my own as of tomorrow. My wife and I have had a few intense discussions and a few candid ones. She has shared with me, her true concerns and is open to me suggesting her ways in which she could let go of all her inhibitions. She trusts in me but it is the fear in her mind which is not allowing her to give me her unconditional support. I will be upfront in sharing her concerns and I would like to have suggestions and feedback from all of you as to how can I help her. As I have decided that I want her to be comfortable with this move of mine and only then will I start my new work. It will be important to share a few facts here. Me and my family are deep down in a lot of debts. In my salaried job, we are living hand to mouth. From the month of January 2012, I would have to start paying my Education Loan EMI which is a substantial amount. Which I will not be able to pay given my current salary. I also have responsibilities of paying up a lot of other liabilities apart from my education Loan. With my salaried income, I do not think I will be able to meet these requirements and the longer I continue, the more trapped and constrained I feel. With the work that I am planning, I have the potential to earn 5x of my monthly salary. And I am quite sure I will succeed. Following are her concerns: 1) She is financially quite insecure as I have not been able to deliver on the promises I have made to her over the last year or so. With respect to finances, job, business etc. 2) She knows of EFT and I have tried on her a few times but that hasn't helped her much in letting go off her negative feelings and beliefs. 3) She feels I am over confident in what I am attempting and that I am not being practical in my approach towards business 4) She is not able to take this risk which I seem to be ready to take and she is not able to take the leap of faith 5) She is quite insecure about our future. She feels business will take time to grow and become stable and till then how would we manage our expenses 6) Also she is worried as from January onwards, my education loan will become a burden also she wants to save and has lots of other things to take care of. She understands that salary would not be enough and that we would need an additional source of income. 7) She also knows this is the time for me to start and she only becomes weak with the thought of what if I do not succeed and what if things don't work out. I feel comfortable in sharing this with all IQ Members because, I really feel quite comfortable in doing so, I have no inhibitions. I have seen my self grow tremendously because of all your wonderful people here :) I trust and completely adore all of you for all your guidance and enlightenment. These concerns are coming verbatim from her. Personally I am not worried of any of these as I have made peace and feel ready to embark on this new journey. I feel I am ready to take this big leap of faith and move ahead. I am looking forward to the success and excitement :) I need help from all of you to soothe her, to convince her, to make her let go.. and to make her believe and trust in me and our future. And all so in a way which is appreciated by her (without any resistance coming in between) I hope you can imagine how important this is for me :) Thanks so much :) Love you all!!
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I have had a similar situation with my wife and what I have learned through my studies is that everything in your life is a reflection of yourself. This includes every person and relationship. Therefore you cannot change the person you can only change yourself. What you perceive as fear in your wife's mind is a reflection/manifestation of fear within yourself. I have learnt to recognise these fears in my own self and then trace them back to the root where I can release the fear. Sometimes it takes a while to find because we tend to hide or bury fears deep within us, examining your conscious thoughts which are tied to your beliefs will expose the fear, but don't look at this in a negative way just let it go peacefully. Love and Light. Nice answer Kings Mind this can be useful to all who read it.
(21 Nov '11, 14:30)
Paulina 1
@Kings Mind: That's such a helpful answer, thanks so much!! I remember hearing or reading the exact same thing which you have mentioned somewhere before. Just that I forget to apply the knowledge when I really need to. Thanks for reminding, God Bless!! I will certainly examine my own feelings and beliefs which are reflecting in my wife's behavior.
(22 Nov '11, 04:59)
Sourabh
I'm glad I could be of help. A tip for applying knowledge is to practice what you have learnt everyday until it becomes a habit. That way it becomes an automatic response. Love and Light
(22 Nov '11, 12:03)
AboveBelow
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This conflict you are having with your wife, will surely have an adverse affect on any business endeavor you are trying to start. You are correct in seeing this and trying to resolve the issue beforehand. In my opinion, what is really important here is way you TWO handle the problem (finances) ...that is really the lesson to be learned here...not the financial problem itself. My advice would be to not try and convince her of what you can do, or what you want to do. But instead, ask her what does she think should be done...given the current financial condition ? What kind of financial plan can you two develop and implement together? What ideas does she have on solving the issue...and see if compromise at that level, will ease her fears. When you are single, you can do this yourself, but once you commit to a relationship with another person, you are now only 50% of the voting majority in the relationship and all things related to it (including financial strategy). Take a moment and go deeper into her psyche and see if you can feel or see her concerns from her shoes. You won't be 100 percent successful because you are not a woman, but it will bring you closer to her vibrational feeling on this issue. By nature (biology) men are more risk takers...women tend to want more stability. ~ss @SS: That is such a thoughtful answer, I never looked at the situation from her point of view. I was hell bent on getting her to agree to my view point. I am sure by asking for her inputs I would ease her resistance and we will be able to reach to a suitable conclusion. Thanks once again!! :)
(22 Nov '11, 05:02)
Sourabh
your welcome :)
(17 Dec '11, 14:39)
streetsanto
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Hello Sourabh ... no one ever convinces anyone of anything, conviction of something is a personal point of view ... the best way to "convince" your wife or anyone is belief in oneself, if i believe in success and what i'm stepping into then others will believe it too ... happy hunting :) |
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Dear Sourabh, Its me again with more advice but the advice you should truly listen to are your own heart and mind. We can guide you but you are the one that will do the work and pay the debt so in the end it is up to what you truly want. I can see your wifes point for she is worried you won't be able to meet your obligations, on the other hand if you stay where you are you will be miserable but still wont be able to meet all your obligations due to student loans. At the moment you are between a rock and a hard place, so what to do? Make a compromise and do what your heart desires on the condition that if within a certain amount of time you haven't done as well as you thought you would, you give up your dream and go back to employment. Maybe there is another way arround the debt factor. Does your wife work? If not maybe she could help out for a while to make things easier while your dream job is developing itself. It would be nice if you could do both and see if any money comes in from your dream job. If yes than go for it and if no than wait. Is someone else doing your dream job type of work already? If yes maybe you should work for them for a while at least you will like what you do. All this of course is just advice but it is your life so I sugest you do what you think is best for you. As for your wife the only thing that will ease her mind from worries is if there is enough money to pay the bills and buy food once that happens she will be OK. I wish you luck and God-speed ahead. @Paulina: As Always, I truly appreciate your thoughtful answer. I can see that you always get into the shoes of the person whose question you answer and that's something awesome. What you have given me is a very practical view on how to approach this situation. I realize that in such situations I tend to complicate things, where as the answer to any solution is quite simple and straightforward. I need to practice to think straight in such situations :) Thanks so much for your immensely valuable advise. Gold Bless!!
(22 Nov '11, 05:20)
Sourabh
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so the problem is fear of missing money. when you are born do you have money? when you fall you learn from it and get back up? why fear? every thing in life is a risk do you need to fear life? even if you would fail at something at least you have tried and did the best you could. but starting a business if you are in the red is not the best thing to do. this i agree on. because if you have some things that you did not think about and it cost more then you will have a shorth business if you are not able to meet the payment. the decision is yours to take. experience and enjoy. @White Tiger: Your words are very inspiring and I feel I am ready to take the plunge. I have no fear. And I am sure that My wife will also be fearless soon. For there is Success only beyond fear!! Thanks for your valuable advise :) God Bless!
(22 Nov '11, 05:23)
Sourabh
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Hi how are you doing what your going through is the same situation, Im going through. My suggession is stay with your job and continue building the self employment job that you have. The most important thing is for you to generate income as fast as possible. I suggesst you to prove her wrong and show her that you are going to be successful in what you want in life. She is going to apreciate you once you accomplish your goals. Email me and connect with me this is my email address raymond@workwithraymond.com also this is my blog workwithraymond.com what your going through is the same as what Im going through my name is raymond by the way |
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Sorry to butt in, I haven't read the question or the answers. I am just wondering whether you love everyone enough to award them, by up voting their helpful answers? :)
Hi Eddie, Thanks for suggesting that. As a matter of fact I haven't voted for any answer till date. I know its a kind of a reward, but I guess people here share their concerns and insights for much more than just the points. I feel words of appreciation are better rewards than just points. Having said that, I have taken your feedback and have expressed my love and gratitude with voting points. :) Thanks.
Thank you, that says a lot about you :) I'm sure that votes and comments are appreciated by all participants of IQ. Blessings...