it´s amazing how our body talk to us...some days ago I had fever and woke up in the middle of the night with one thought I never knew I had, so clear and strong ...and which explains a lot of things that seems to be a constant in my life.
to make it short, my mother died the same year I left my home city to go to drama school with the dream of becoming an actress...that left me and my brothers alone, but I decided not to come back home and keep studying abroad.... after I graduated I got some jobs acting or dancing but never made it big or continuous...and my story is full of jobs lost in the last moment when everything was supposed to be done and always being the "bad lucked one" ... I knew I was somehow sabotaging myself but the other day with the fever, it came to me like a flash the idea that I was punishing myself for leaving my brothers alone and that if I never success I would be fixing it or something...
have you ever experience that kind of flashes? and how can you release that amount of guilt or self sabotage once you see it so clear?
hope my question is not too long or difficult to understand..Thanks for any answer!
Hi, keep it simple and remember one thing: You choose what you experience by choosing the meaning you assign to the circumstances. Choose new story you will tell yourself and to the world and you will experience the essence of that story.
My mother died the same year I left my home city to go to drama school with the dream of becoming an actress..*so what? You did the best thing you could do, keep following your dream and you will not miss a single important moment of your life. The death of your mother has nothing to do with it, except the meaning you choose to assign to it. Say thank You to this belief you imposed upon yourself to protect you and move on. I bet you mother would be proud of you if you followed your dream unconditionally. So leave the mother and brothers out.
I knew I was somehow sabotaging myself but the other day with the fever, it came to me like a flash the idea that I was punishing myself for leaving my brothers... good to know, don’t You think? So what is the message? ....sand love to your mother and brothers for giving you this reflection. Time to go on. Take your mother and brother along with you, they belong to You, You belong to them. Anything that feels less than that is an indication of bogus thinking. So shift your focus.
Remember, you can start choosing new experiences now, right now. You do not have to go through any long processes of reframing limiting beliefs, searching for the beginning of the cause or look for any excuses or justification. You are aware of what is holding you back and it is enough. Acknowledge its existence, you will disarm it in a way and take it with you for your new ride. GO on in following your dream.
answered 11 Oct '12, 08:21
What do you get from punishing yourself, it doesn't make you feel better, it doesn't make anyone else's life better. It changes nothing but how you feel about yourself. If you felt better about yourself would that somehow harm your brothers or mother more. No it would change nothing for them just as self punishment makes nothing better. What is needed is making what is, better. What happened happened whether it was your fault or not matters not because it is in the past now. You have learned and this has pushed you to seek answers so this has been something to push you in the direction you needed for spiritual progress. What was in the past should be learned from but not sabatoge your present but it should help your present as you have came here for answers. Let go of any meaning this has over you, your love is there for your mother and brothers that is obvious so do you believe self punishment is the best way to show that love, or holding them in your heart feeling love, comfort, forgiveness, apology and peace for them, knowing this reaches them as you hold this in your mind? That is healing and releasing, that lets you move on and became anything you would like. Remember you are valuable because you exist, you don't have to achieve anything, you are worthy as you are.
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