Allow me to explain ...

In my early twenties before the internet was introduced I came across an individual who was as spiritual as it gets. At first I did everything possible to ignore him as I truly had no interest in his belief system whatsoever. To me it was all rubbish and just a waste of valuable time.

One day through his persistence I gave him the benefit of the doubt by allowing him to introduce me to a form of meditation. He spoke in SANSKRIT and chanted this one phrase repeatedly for what seemed like an eternity when in fact if was merely a matter of minutes. As we sat there at the kitchen table I felt like something was trying to leave my body through the top of my head and I did everything at first struggling to keep it inside of myself as I didn't know what was going on. Eventually I just let go and went with it. The next thing I knew I was looking down at both of our physical bodies sitting in the chairs. It was my first experience with ASTRAL PROJECTION. I really enjoyed astral travelling and played with it for almost 10 years travelling everywhere on this planet I mean everywhere from monasteries to government facilities and so on until I started travelling way beyond our planetary system onto spacecrafts, space stations, explored other planets and then I even traveled way beyond the 3rd dimension where I met some really cool individuals and technological advancements well beyond human comprehension.

But I stopped projecting 20 years ago because there were times when I didn't want to come back to my body anymore. I met and fell in love with a beautiful female scientist/explorer from the planet Bavvi and she like many other alien beings were able to see me and touch me and converse with me. Whereas other alien beings weren't even aware of my presence.

During that time period I also learnt how to transform negative energy into positive energy by using THE VIOLET FLAME. I was taught how to use color variances within the VIOLET color spectrum from eliminating PAIN to wiping out KARMA. I also did a citywide experiment for two weeks to test the effects and power of the violet flame on the city which totally astounded me but left me feeling guilty and so I stopped using it because I felt like I was controlling peoples free will. Years later a kind and wise Native from a nearby reserve explained to me that I wasn't controlling peoples free will but that i was merely offering the people a different and more positive choice that they weren't aware of because of all the negativity in this world.

I was also taught all kinds of wonderful things which would take pages to explain and which had not been written at that time including new philosophies and teachings and so many many other really cool things as some would call gifts but they were simply new awarenesses nothing more as I believe anyone can do these things and then some.

Then one day they wanted me to take everything that I had learnt and to teach it to others. Well they showed me all kinds of visions throughout that whole time period of things to come if I continued to walk that path. Until one day I saw the final vision where I saw myself giving two world speeches and I saw myself getting shot by an individual in a dark suit at a concert hall of sort where I was delivering the second speech. They did reassure me in that vision that the world within a 10 year span would be living according to my or should I say their teachings if I would have stayed on the path...

Now things just got real and was getting a little out of hand and I quickly put a halt to my so called spiritual journey as all that I could see ... was that vision ... and that bullet coming for me ...

So I just stopped it all and walked away from everything. I managed to shut it all down once again and convinced myself that everything went against my belief system and so I went back to being an atheist. All that I could see was that bullet ...

Now it has been 20 years or so since that final vision and I accidentally reawakened while listening to the TIBETAN SINGING BOWLS a few years back. And sure enough things started happening like the golden cross on the moon, the invisible wings thingy, the healing orange ball of light and a few other things but none of the gifts of my past so far.

But I do catch myself as others do slipping in and out trying to hold on for dear life to my silly atheist attitude as a defensive mechanism or as a large shield everytime something spiritual happens to me until recently when Januaryfeelings opened my eyes and shared some profound words of advice and wisdom which even now brings tears to my eyes because of all the foolish sufferings I had to endure during my lifetime especially within last 20 years where I gradually lost everything including my own identity and I blamed the spiritual realms, the Gods and all of those spiritual entities who were teaching me ... Because I never asked for any of it, nothing, not one thing ... I just wanted to be a normal human being ... nothing more.

But Januaryfeelings reassured me that I was indeed "denouncing everything outside of myself" and that being a true normal human being meant to ... finally embrace all of which individually defines me and embracing that I AM presence within me. Which is the true definition of what being a Human truly is.

I guess only time and total surrender will determine if i can reawaken those gifts or awarenesses I once had and if the higher realms can forgive me for bailing out on them. When I see the world for what it has become since that day back in 1996. It saddens my heart and brings tears to my eyes because maybe if I would have had put aside my fears of that final vision the world today would have been a better place to live in.

Eventhough I didn't want to be responsible for the masses back then ... I kind of feel responsible anyways for how things turned out... This Journey is definitely not an easy one.

That is why I was wondering If I was taught something from the Higher Realms many years ago and stopped because of fear can I still receive them today and would the spirits l was learning from back then would ever forgive me? Or did I lose what I had because I can no longer communicate with the same spirits of 20 years past? Everything is different now.