Why did an ugly guy approach me today when I cleared my belief about bad-looking guys ages ago?

I'm not trying to be unkind when I say this ~

You describe yourself as "quite pretty"

I would have to say you may be attracting what you are on the inside. You seem to think beauty is only skin deep. IMO, & you can take what I say to heart or leave it ~ anyone who calls someone else ugly isn't very "pretty" .

This old adage seems to be fitting ~

You can't judge a book by it's cover.

Judging someone on their outside appearance is very superficial.

The mass murder Ted Bundy was described as quite good looking; but NOT very pretty on the inside.

"It's true "Beauty is in the Eye of Beholder" ~ but judging & labeling someone as ugly based on their looks doesn't say much about you.

You are also limiting your choices & you are ignoring some really great guys.

I know many striking & beautiful women married or with men who would not be described as handsome. When you meet these women's partners; it only takes a minute to recognize what attracted these women to these men & how lucky these women were to find such a beautiful men.

Personally I'll take a man with a sense of humor & intelligence over an arm piece. Kindness & compassion is a major factor ~ good heart. If he happens to have good looks too, it's a bonus & I'll take it.

I've dated a few "pretty" boys. Who wants a guy who spends more time in front of a mirror than you do. I don't.

Additionally, looks fade with time. Someday this good looking man may be bald & wrinkled. Will you still love him then?

What happens if he is disfigured due to disease or an accident & his physical appearance can not be restored. Will you still love him?

BTW ~ welcome to IQ ... "where you can go inward, to expand outward"

ETA

Men like pretty women. All men, regardless of their physical appearance are attracted to pretty women. You're offended when an unattractive man approaches you. This behavior is perfectly natural, normal & understandable. If you are actually as pretty as you claim you are in appearance, this will continue to happen. You best get over it fast & learn to deal with these men who you feel are ugly or describe as 'geeks' & not worthy of your time with kindness, grace & class.

ETA ~ I think my edit needs further explanation.

How do you respond when a guy who you describe as ugly or as geek approaches you? You said you politely rejected a "normal" looking boy because he did not meet your age requirement.

Be aware of the expressions on your face, your body language & tone of voice when you speak "polite" words. You may be giving off an entirely different vibe. Being polite is the opposite of being rude. Politeness is about good etiquette & being well mannered. Polite words can be very "empty" words. You can be very polite whilst being unkind. I personally viewed your post as rude. I viewed the words you used to describe these guys ~ ugly & geeks ~ as derogatory & mean spirited. Kind is the opposite of mean. True beauty comes from within as does kindness. Kindness & beauty radiate from the heart (from your soul) & this is what we project to the world through our vibes. We are who we are in our heart.

You also said "you feel worthy because you are pretty." No one's worthiness including yours is dependent on physical features. As @Cass said, "its due to your genetics & you were lucky." I don't know if your view is due to media or because your family praised your looks instead of your accomplishments, intelligence, kindness & compassionate acts.

You are worthy because you exist & you've always been worthy of anything you desire. Self worth comes from the inside & works its way to the outside & you can begin this process by learning to love yourself for reasons other than your outer appearance.

Allow beauty & love in & you will emit those vibes. Start by looking for one new thing of beauty each day & soon you will see beauty wherever you look & you will reflect this inner beauty outward & you will attract beauty & love back.

Additional note on vibrations ~ Vibrations are dependent on feelings. When you feel disappointment, pessimistic, worried, fear or doubt when you don't attract whatever it is you want it changes the frequency of your vibes to a a lower frequency because they are negative vibes.

Words usually always have more than one meaning. Additionally, you can't see the expressions on my face or in my eyes or hear the tone of my voice as I type. I'm trying to help you. Life is short & you need to start living your best life now.

Firstly i see the issue in the way you are considering you are above standard to someone. Just like no one is better than you, its not good to say you are better than him. it is better to say he is not your preference instead of you thinking you are above him.

Think of him approaching you as a good sign. That at least someone liked to ask you out. That could be Universe way of saying you are moving along.

Try to be more grateful with things you have and compassionate to others and i am sure Universe will deliver what you want in due time.

Have you watched the film Shallow Hal? If not, you should. It's a comedy about beauty being in the eye of the beholder. A shallow man who always goes for model-type women is hypnotised so that he starts seeing the model types as unattractive, whereas women whom he previously found ugly appear to look like models. The ending is pretty predictable, so I won't be spoiling it much when I say that he learns that the beauty of love trumps conventional stereotypes of beauty.

You say you feel worthy of good-looking guys. Here's the thing. Being conventionally attractive makes you lucky, but not more worthy than anyone else. I've been lucky when it comes to my genetics, but I'm well aware that it's only temporary. At best, "pretty" people will age gracefully but eventually end up looking like little prunes, at worst we could contract some horrific tropical disease that eats away at our skin (don't Google Image search that!).

So while it's cool to enjoy the fact that you are pretty, focus on developing a healthy, joyful, compassionate and caring personality. I once met a guy whose face was badly disfigured. He had that kind of personality, and after a very short while I was no longer "seeing" his face, I was too busy enjoying how joyful he was and what a good time I was having with him. Building that type of personality is a much better thing to invest in than in your looks. It's also harder work, which makes it a worthier thing to be proud of.

That said, I do think everyone is worthy of being with a partner that they feel attracted to. This is something that I have talked a lot about with my LOA coach, and she's written a blog post on it that explains this better than I could.

Everyone says the want a hottie, but WHY do they want that hottie? They want someone that they are really attracted to, someone that rings their bells, and in many cases, someone that they can show off to the world, which is really a desire to be approved of. So, you may date a bunch of hotties, because you think that's what you really want, but you can't seem to find anyone to fall in love with. That's because being attracted to someone physically isn't the only thing on your list. When you focus on what you really want and line up with it, the Universe brings you what you truly want - someone that makes your knees weak and whom you can deeply connect with.

Second, what exactly is a hottie? One could argue that we have set a certain standard of beauty in our society. And a lot of people will tell you that they don't agree with that standard. We each have our own, personal list of what we find attractive and often, that list looks nothing like a Hollywood casting sheet. And it's entirely possible to be deeply and passionately attracted to people who would never qualify to be a model, and isn't it lucky that this is so, considering that almost everyone in the world would not? There are people who cannot understand how someone might be attracted to an obese person, and yet, there are whole websites devoted to those who are. "Attractive" is a very subjective term and no one gets to decide what another person finds sexy. And thank goodness for that.

And third, you may really want someone attractive and romantic. But you get what you line up with. And a lot of people's vibrations aren't anywhere near the frequency of what they want. In fact, we often line up with and attract the exact opposite of what we truly want. No one wants to be in an abusive or unhappy or loveless relationship. But many have beliefs that keep them stuck there.

http://www.deliberateblog.com/2012/06/28/if-everyone-wants-a-hottie/

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be with someone that you are deliciously attracted to. From your post, you seem a bit young. Trust me when I say that it's highly likely that at least once in your life, you're going to be insanely attracted to someone who isn't your usual "type". You might be puzzled about it at the time, but at the end of the day, the attraction is there, so you won't care one bit (see the Shallow Hal example).

That said, you seem to be putting emphasis on attracting guys who AREN'T 'ugly'. That's different from wanting someone that you are insanely attracted to. To me, it seems there is some negative belief hidden in there. What is it that you believe about "ugly" guys versus "hot" guys? Is your judgement of their looks a subconscious judgement of yourself? What does it say about you when a guy that you aren't attracted to approaches you? Dig deeper, because you've only just cleared the tip of the iceberg.

You always attract what you put out whether you know it or not. How you react to any situation you attracted to yourself is the key to fine tuning what you will attract in the future. Be very careful not to judge anything for you are judging yourself, be kind and follow your heart it will never fail you. Love and Light to you!

Seth talks about this in his book Soul Mate Soul Family. His theory goes something like this: You create your reality. If you have a plan, like a spiritual practice, you are beginning to consciously create your world.

But you will always have the unconscious making its self known by showing you your Issues and Lessons. An Issue might be low self-esteem. The Lesson might be learning how you create your world subconsciously in response to feelings of low self-worth.

So on the path of finding your Soul Mate, you consciously know what you want and so you create that reality, but subconsciously, if you have neglected your Issue and avoided this Lesson, you will continuously project low self-worth onto your Personal Reality Field. Through Resonance, unsuitable mates appear in your world. They are Resonating with your subconscious frequency of low self-worth.

The solution? Investigate your subconscious mind to uncover the negative experiences from your past that you project into your current moments of reality creation. It takes Courage and Loving Understanding to uncover these barriers and heal the past. It is a matter of healing negative memories, primarily, and also Loving and forgiving yourself.

@fizz, thank you for asking this question. I can not know what goes on your your "quite pretty" head, all I can do is to offer a narrative of what went, what goes on in my world as I respond to your question. Make of it what you will. You have come here seeking answers. I hope that you find them.

I once had a list of attributes of the Perfect Wife. Height, weight, social standing, voice tone, bra size, hair length, intelligence, income, on and on -- my list filled two legal size pages. I dated and even married a large number of women who more or less fit this list.

When I decided the woman I found was not whom I wanted, I dumped her (or maybe she dumped me, but I didn't care, she obviously did not fit my criteria) and modified my list with more criteria. This process had made me very successful in business. I thought it would help me find a permanent mate. Sounds cold-blooded now, but seemed logical, back then.

I showed my list to a brilliant psychiatrist I knew well personally. He said, "Bill, the woman you describe will not be a candidate for a good relationship with you or anyone else!" I suggested that he edit my list, he just laughed and suggested I throw away the list.

Almost sixteen years ago I met my perfect wife. I did not, at first, recognize her. I thought she was sweet, but did not fit my list. I even tried to help her find dates with my friends. She was attractive, but certainly not for me!

Circumstances threw us together. She had rented the apartment in my house. I found myself, while on a date with one of my "prospects" wanting to come home and be with her.

Side note: I think, in retrospect, that there was a large part of me that was relationship destructive and that another part of me recognized this and had worked to prevent me from becoming involved with "good" women.

Anne was sweet and persistent. Gradually I became friends with her and I began to become the kind of person that could handle a long term relationship. @white tiger is spot on with the "clean the inside of the cup." Better advice can not be given.

It took me a long time to realize that the "Perfect Wife" would not really want ME and that *I MYSELF did not have the criteria to allow, accept, understand or behave in a manner that could allow this relationship.* I had not thought a lot about how I fit in as a long term relationship partner.

I think that we all have a favorite myth that describes our inner character. I think that many women, for instance, have "Cinderella" as their myth. I was so able to be Prince Charming! For a night or a short term, but a beast lurked beneath that surface. What could help that superficial "Prince Charming" become "Prince Sincere?"

Deep down I realized that I was hurting women in my quest, but could not find the key to my change. I even sought therapy as an answer, but could not find inner peace.

My myth was "Beauty and the Beast". It seemed that I somehow realized I was the Beast. Rich, powerful, but ugly on the outside. That I was hoping for a woman who could see my "beauty" on the inside, past the ugly exterior, and that she could help me become more beautiful on the inside. I am not talking about physical beauty, I am ok in appearance.

Somehow I finally realized that IF change were to happen it HAD to come from within, that I was the one who had to find my inner 'beauty' and allow that to manifest. That no woman could "complete me"! I had to be the one to find my own inner beauty, and that the methods I had been using were woeful failures.

I, now shamefully admit that I tried to push Anne away, but she had a year's lease on the apartment in my house! She became a good friend. I liked her. I began to look inside myself and find things in me that I did not like. I began to clean these up. I became less interested in the women my previous personality had attracted.

One day I realized that I loved her, I told her this and she responded -- seemingly to her own surprise -- that she felt the same way. We got married.

We have now been married for 15 years and, while it has not been easy on either of us, we have a fantastic relationship.

My point in this narrative is that when I realized that I had to complete myself, that I alone was responsible to "clean the inside of my own cup", I began to become the kind of person who could have a good, long term relationship.

So for those of you reading this, please recognize that I am, as always, talking to myself, reinforcing the changes I have made and continue to make within.

Maybe there are "Prince Charmings" (male and female) who have had enough of the superficial and are willing to become a partner who can allow and accept a long term relationship. Who are no longer willing to wake up in the morning and wonder who is this person asleep next to them and why did they bring them home the night before? Or that you wake up alone and that is no good either.

So simple to say, work on yourself and when you become the kind of person who can accept a suitable partner, you will have one. And MAYBE you can be Prince Charming AND Prince Sincere, but until you do (and it is a life-long process), then you can have a greater relationship, a happier relationship, a joyful relationship.

Like Anne and I share, right now!

first of all no one is UGLY...even the secret says beauty lies within and there is one more thing you get what you attract but that does not mean that u don't get what you never attracted. the law of attraction gives you power to tackle the unwanted. now you really have to trust the law even jack canfield didn't get the exact amount he wanted in the first go have patience your dream man will manifest... if its not coming wait it will come its just right ahead of you move a bit with time it will come up good luck same happened to me... the guy i wanted was supposed to have dimple cheeks.. but the guy i have is way more awesome than i ever wanted and i dun say this to pacify myself. he has all the qualities i had jotted down in my journal. some qualities better than i wanted

@fizz that guy was a perfect mirror for you. you judge that he is to young for you and you are looking for older guy. what if you find older guy that is looking for older women because they are more mature, more experienced and less judgmental? in that case you would be in the same position as your young boy standard/geek. well you asked universe to show you where your vibration is and it was given you've got serve. why are you upset? Because you are pretty? and you think that you deserve better? Know this one day you will be old and less pretty and young kids will say look at that old hag is she not ugly? it would be better for you to wash the inside of the cup then your outside of the cup would be clean also. are you sure you are clear on what you want? also by what measure or standard are you judging you will be judge the same. will also say their are more then look in life. often things in this world are not as they look. eventually you will find that out when you grow up experience and mature a bit. are you still confuse? are you having negative though? if so clean the inside of the cup.

will also say if you rely on your look to get guys what will happen when you get old? will you complain that guy leave you for younger girls that have better look? or maybe you will leave that older guy because he is to old and does not have look that you deserve? then who can you blame? you should have stay in the beginning and you would have know the end.

well my word might be bitter to your stomach but I have told you the truth and have given you things that add not touch your mind yet. use the time imparted to you wisely.

Let there be light, be the light that you can be, experience and enjoy.

Hi Fizz

I'll answer the question and not give you a hard time for asking it. I know others have said that you must do this or that, not be judgemental and not call people Geeks or ugly. But frankly you have an ideal partner in mind, and rightly or wrongly that's what you want.

I don't blame you! I like very slim, fit attractive blonds with plenty of money! it may be rather vain of me but that's what ive ended up with. I certainly wouldn't ever go out with a woman I didn't find attractive. Now im not saying their ugly, or bad or that im better than them...its just that in my world if your not a size 8 your not in it. Im not saying that theres anything wrong with overweight women, but there not for me personally. Like you Fizz I have my preferences. And again I stress, no offense to anyone who doesn't fit my ideal. Im no oil painting myself...

Now to answer your question, you do to a great extent create your own reality, your thoughts beliefs and how they effect your " consciousness" make the reality you live in. I think most on this site take that as a given. However you do share a general reality with millions of other people who are busy creating their own micro reality like you are. Your reality could be described as the layer of a paper mache mask. It co exists alongside other "layers" sometimes it may be right next to another layer and other times separated by many other layers.

In short your reality will "rub" alongside another one or ones all the time. The guy who approached you was living in " his" very own created life which happened to happen upon yours.

No great problem, you didn't ever have to marry him, get involved or allow him greater access into your reality. You brushed along him at a point and then drifted on.

No harm done Fizz, you will gradually see more of the things in life your putting your focus upon. You will come across people you don't find attractive, and you will doubtless come across situations you don't want either . Accept them and move on.